God help the poor evangelicals in Iowa. Their job used to be so easy. They’re proud of their fundamental beliefs. Tradition holds that every four years they show up in whatever kinds of weather to drop a card for the farthest right, fundamentalist bible thumper that shows up in town with a suitcase with 76 blessed trombones in the truck. It was so simple, enough anti abortion hallelujahs was worth the vote. See Rick Santorum for starters, and while you’re at it, remember Mike Huckabee in 2008? God knows I wish I didn’t. General election viability was of no import, pompous piety was. But apparently no more.
Apparently there’s nothing quite like riding a long losing streak, and having people starting to question your “first in the nation” representative chops to make you doubt yourself a little bit. According to a story on CNN.com there is at least a portion of Iowa evangelicals that are emotionally torn and full of self doubt. They’re in a dilemma they haven’t seen in quite a while.
There’s an old axiom in baseball, if you’re on a 30 game hitless streak, you’ll freakin’ bunt to get to first base. You’ll wear a damn tutu in the batters box to get a hit, whatever it takes. This is the heartbreaking issue for the evangelicals. Their purist evangelical hearts tell them Cruz is their man, but they doubt he can win, and they want to back a winner more than a guy down to his last $10 at the racetrack. Trump looks like a winner. To quote from the article, talking to 57 y.o. Sherry Benson,
"It's been a really, really big struggle for me this time," Benson said after listening to Trump speak at a rally last week. "I think people can change, but I don't see him as the biggest conservative."
Still, Trump's forceful personality has convinced her that he could be effective as commander-in-chief.
"My Christianity and my conservative values tell me that Cruz is the logical choice," she said. "I could forgo, I think, some of my Christian and conservative principles slightly if I knew that Trump could repair the mess that the country is in. And that is something that I see in him, he might have the ability to just -- 'Boom' -- take care of things very quickly."
Oh Sherry, you poor lass. What’s an upright God fearing woman to do? Decisions, decisions. Stay on the Titanic because the band is playing a really kewl song, or clamber into a lifeboat? And she’s not the only one struggling with this. Paul Thompson, a 75 y.o. retired schoolteacher was even more blunt and to the point;
Retired schoolteacher Paul Thompson, 75, ranks Cruz at the top of his list because "he is an evangelical Christian, as I am," he said. But he too is feeling the gravitational pull to Trump's candidacy.
Thompson had a simple answer when asked to explain why Trump, a Presbyterian, is leading among evangelicals in some polls given his personal history and changing stances over the years.
"We want to see a winner, and I think we perceive him as a winner," he said.
Geez Louise, what a stand up mensch! It’s like the old George Carlin line about a sentence you’ll never hear a hero say; “Do what you want to the girl, just leave me alone!!!”. Fortunately, they have an evangelical “father figure” to give them a free pass and provide them with spiritual absolution, which only makes the temptation worse.
Enter evangelical hero and icon Jerry Falwell Jr, who recently endorsed Trump. When he was grilled on the moral question of endorsing a cheating, twice divorced Philistine for President, Falwell went with a hokey but effective non biblical parable;
By way of explaining his endorsement of Trump, Falwell noted that any parent who had a sick child would seek the best doctor they could find.
"It may not be a doctor who goes to your church, but it's the one who has the most experience with that particular illness," he said.
Think about that last statement for a moment, you might want to reread it slowly. Has Jerry Falwell lost his ever loving, bible thumping, tithe collecting mind?!? He’s coming right out and saying, for all to see that religion has no place in politics! Holy shit! The sole purpose of his fathers “Moral Majority” was that your christian faith was central to your decision making when going to the ballot box, it must be a moral, God fearing man or if required woman. He has just invalidated his own fathers greatest accomplishment and legacy. I sure hope they buried old Jerry Sr. face down, cuz he must have rolled over when he heard that.
So there you have it. Evangelical fervor at its finest. Wandering around all holy and stuff may be fine, but you can’t order a pizza or a beer when you’re speaking in tongues. But never fear. When you’re in a bind, your religious father is right there to take the religious stigma out of the decision and leave you as piously pure and snow clean as your ego requires you to be. Some religious zealots they turn out to be, their opportunism and morals are no better than Trumps.
Thanks as always for reading!