Not all narcissists are mean spirited, vindictive, thin skinned, and unabashed braggarts. Trump gives the nicer ones a bad name.
True, they are so difficult to live with there is a cottage industry of book publishers writing about how to deal with them.
Trump’s nastiness is explained as examples of narcissistic rage:
Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury, which is a perceived threat to a narcissist's self-esteem or self-worth.
Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist feels that their hidden, 'true self' has been revealed. This may be the case when the narcissist has a "fall from grace", such as when their hidden behaviors or motivations are revealed, or when their importance is brought into question.
Narcissistic rage occurs on a continuum from instances of aloofness, and expression of mild irritation or annoyance, to serious outbursts… en.wikipedia.org/...
Now, I admit that calling for nicer narcissists to unite is stretching the word “nicer” but Trump has stretched the curve from nice to nasty so far to the nasty end that “merely” self-absorbed narcissists lacking in empathy are no longer at the tail end of the chart.
My psychotherapist friends have concluded that Trump is the textbook definition of a narcissist since he has every characteristic delineated by those who have studied the personality type.
Not that any readers need a review, but consider again: narcissists have “exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of understanding of others' feelings. People affected by it often spend a lot of time thinking about achieving power or success, or about their appearance. They often take advantage of the people around them. ” en.wikipedia.org/...
To those who know them best and don’t feel demeaned, victimized, or exploited by them they might be considered nice. We would say these people, like those employed by Trump, are being manipulated. But that us from the outside looking in. Maybe Kellyanne really thinks he’s nice.
According to the most recent psychiatric diagnostic manual: individuals with NPD have most or all of the following symptoms, typically without commensurate qualities or accomplishments:
- Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from others
- Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
- Self-perception of being unique, superior and associated with high-status people and institutions
- Needing constant admiration from others
- Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
- Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain
- Unwilling to empathize with others' feelings, wishes, or needs
- Intensely envious of others and the belief that others are equally envious of them
- Pompous and arrogant demeanor
Note in particular that to be clinically considered a narcissist, not just a narcissistic person, one needs to have not necessarily all, but most of these eight characteristics. If you take away the crucial number seven about empathy you have a very different person.
As a psychotherapist I disagree with how number seven is phrased and would suggest it read “unwilling or unable to empathize with others' feelings, wishes, or needs.”
Simply put, researchers studying extreme narcissists do not know whether they are capable of learning to feel empathy.
In my own experience as a therapist treating the relatively few narcissists who came for therapy, often because they are forced to by their spouse, they seem unable to develop empathy and seem at a loss to understand what it is. The majority of therapists who have written about this agree.
Add his narcissism to everything else about Trump’s personality, his beliefs, values, and so on, and we almost need a new term to describe how dangerous he will be as president.
Last night’s diary --