From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Things I Learned from Republicans in March:
I filtered out the kooky stuff, leaving only the Ph.D.-level nuggets:
Rape and incest are less likely to result in pregnancy, so if you get pregnant and claim rape or incest you're probably just confused. (Idaho State Rep. Pete Nielsen)
There are no gay members of the Mormon church. (Mormon Elder David Bednar)
Only self-loathing Jews get along with President Obama. (TX Rep. Louie Gohmert)
Ted Cruz is a disgraceful, half-term, do-nothing senator. (Disgraceful half-term do-nothing governor Sarah Palin)
Supreme Court justices sign bills into law. (Donald Trump)
The rise of Donald Trump is all Barack Obama's fault (Bobby Jindal)
Donald trump smells like Ronald Reagan. (Phyllis Schlafly)
Donald Trump is rehabilitating Adolf Hitler's image. (David Duke)
America should create a police state within the U.S. Muslim population. (Sen. Ted Cruz)
When Hillary Clinton becomes dictator she’ll put a transgender person in your soup. (Michael Savage)
The Republican National Committee is just one big gay foam party. (Travis County, Texas GOP chairman Robert Morrow)
Learning is fun.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Note: Thanks to everyone for entering our RNC "Count the Jellybeans In The Mason Jar" contest. The correct answer was three. There were no winners.
---Reince Priebus
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Star Wars Episode VII comes out on streaming HD: 3
Days 'til the MQX Quilters Festival in Manchester, New Hampshire: 8
Percent of Americans who have a favorable view of the Democratic and Republican party, respectively, according to the new CNN-ORC (pdf) poll: 50%, 34%
Percent of Democrats and Republicans, respectively, who have a favorable view of their own party: 83%, 66%
Number of bikes now available in 80 U.S. cities with bike sharing programs: 32,000
Odds of being killed by falling out of bed: 1-in-2,000,000 (Source: The internet, which I'm fond of reading)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Let's see what the Cruzbots at RedState are saying about arch-nemesis Trump…
“Kasich has a secret pact with The Donald to destroy The Republican Party.”
“Kasich wins just enough delegates to drive the convention to a 2nd vote. On 2nd vote, delegates vote for Cruz. Trumpkin delegates throw (yet another) tantrum and leave the party. Trump is gone along with his fellow lunatics. That would be beautiful.”
“After The Libs destroy us in house and senate races, thanks to The Donald, he'll get lots of Lib government favoritism for destroying The Republican Party. Great for business. No doubt in my mind that The Donald is a Lib plant.”
“Hillary wants to face Trump. Period. The Democrats are salivating at the prospect of winning a landslide election that costs the GOP not only the White House, but Congress and a host of state contests as well.”
All together now: 1…2…3… Yeah!
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
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CHEERS to saying "No." As in, no Super Bowls, no entertainment business, no tourism dollars, no business expansion, and no suckling at the federal teat. Those would've been just some of the consequences if Georgia Governor Nathan Deal had signed a "religious freedom" bill into law that would've green-lighted open bigotry among religious conservatives. (Worth noting that these bills are never proposed by liberals.) So he vetoed it instead. As usual, you can gauge the correctness of the decision by the reaction:
The governor’s veto infuriated religious conservatives who considered the measure, House Bill 757, their top priority.
This is the third legislative session they’ve sought to strengthen legal protections from opponents of gay marriage, but last year’s Supreme Court ruling legalizing same-sex weddings galvanized their efforts. […]
In stark terms, the governor said earlier this year that he would reject any measure that “allows discrimination in our state in order to protect people of faith.” Rooting his critique in biblical language, he urged fellow Republicans to take a deep breath and “recognize that the world is changing around us.” […] The governor, who didn’t take any questions after his remarks, anticipated the pushback. “I don’t respond well to insults or threats,” he said.
Thank you, Governor Deal---you chose wiseleh. Meanwhile, North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory, who did sign a similar law into effect, is being sued by everyone and their grandmother. He chose...poooorleh.
JEERS to more mayhem. Exactly as we knew they eventually would, terrorist criminals set off another bomb over the weekend---this time in Lahore, Pakistan killing at least 70 and injuring at least 300, with an ISIS-supporting Taliban faction doing the happy fanatics' dance this time. And we pull the checklist out of the drawer that we just put away last Wednesday after the Brussels bombing:
1. Tend to the victims, assess the situation.
2. Worldwide condemnation for the terrorists, universal support for the afflicted country and the families.
3. Clean up, rebuild, track down the criminals, grieve for the victims.
4. Refuse to be terrorized, get on with life.
5. The terrorists lose.
I think maybe I'll just keep it in my pocket from now on.
JEERS to a wet heat. No one at this site will be surprised by this environmental news, but here it is anyway:
A record expanse of Arctic sea never froze over this winter and remained open water as a season of freakishly high temperatures produced deep---and likely irreversible---changes on the far north.
Scientists at the National Snow and Ice Data Centre said on Monday that the sea ice cover attained an average maximum extent of 14.52m sq km (5.607m sq miles) on March 24, the lowest winter maximum since records began in 1979. ...
“I’ve never seen such a warm, crazy winter in the Arctic,” said NSIDC director Mark Serreze. “The heat was relentless.” It was the third straight month of record lows in the sea ice cover, after extreme temperatures in January and February stunned scientists.
Down in Florida, where the rise of sea levels are now noticeable on a daily basis, Governor Rick Scott responded to the news by saying "I'm not a scientist." At least I think that's what he said after consulting my "Glug-glug-glug"-to-English dictionary.
CHEERS to "His Accidency." Happy 226th birthday to "#10" John Tyler, who became president when William Henry Harrison kicked the bucket after ingesting Diet Coke and Pop Rocks during the "Truth or Dare" portion of his inauguration. It was the first time the nation had a president who wasn't elected to the office. Tyler insisted that he possessed all the powers of his predecessor, and wisely refused to let Congress refer to him as "acting president." Historians recognize him for very little except a couple of treaties. But we'll give him points for saying something that'll make the Republican base get their teabags in a twist (from the book Rating the Presidents):
Tyler demonstrated a complete tolerance of other religions. His family opposed the bigotry of the nativist Know Nothing political movement, which espoused hatred and suspicion of immigrants, particularly the wave of Irish Catholics entering the country at the time.
But he was also made of Old South stuff, and later unwisely became the only U.S. President to join the Congress of the Confederacy. Oh, and he had 15 kids, a presidential record not likely to be surpassed anytime soon. Pay your respects here. If nothing else, give him a fist-bump for stamina.
CHEERS to Weekend at Bernies. Sure, this is old news by now, but C&J was slacking yesterday so we're posting this little tidbit here for the time capsule. Over the weekend the "Birdman of Burlington" knocked out three caucus wins out west---Washington state, Hawaii and Alaska---adding 55 delegates to his count while Hillary Clinton scored 20. So congratulations to Team B for the clean sweep. That's all the primary-season action for this week, but a sizable contest looms one week from today in the state of Wisconsin. At stake: 96 delegates and one mega-wheel of cheddar.
CHEERS to big balls, little balls, balls balls balls! After a wild March of ups and downs and smiles and frowns, your NCAA Fabulous Four men's matchups are: Villanova vs. Oklahoma and North Carolina vs. Syracuse. They'll play Saturday and whittle the field down to two. Same with the Women's Division Sunday as Syracuse takes on Washington and Connecticut faces Oregon State. Not many people know this, but I tried to compete on the court in school. Didn’t work out too well. The basketball kept breaking my badminton racquet.
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 29, 2006
FAREWELL to Casper Weinberger. They say only the good die young. He was 88.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to great eggspectations. Perhaps more than any other day of the year, the one on which the Easter Egg Roll is held makes the White House look like the people's house. For the last time (unless we can do something about that pesky 22nd Amendment), President and Mrs. Obama hosted several thousand "regular folks" at the 138th annual event yesterday on the south lawn. There was lots to do, with storybook readings, a fun run, hoops action on the basketball court, sack races and exciting games of Find The Back Door To The iPhone. (Congratulations to four-year-old Tammy Johnson of Poughkeepsie for the win!) Now click here please...
This year, the child who found the coveted "golden egg" won an extra-special grand prize: a certificate good for growing up in a world free of war, pollution, greed and inequality. Disclaimer: As soon as we find one. In the meantime, kid, enjoy a bag of Zollipops.
Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Bill in Portland Maine may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him."
---Sitting U.S. Senator Ted Cruz
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