From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: Farewell, The Nightly Show
Some Larry Wilmore zingers from his too-brief tenure behind the desk…
"Violent thugs run amok in the streets of Baltimore. But enough about the police department..."
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Bernie Sanders debate clip: The American people are sick and tired of hearing about your damn emails!!!
Larry: Note to self: never lose my Frisbee in that man's back yard.
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"Florida's governor wants to ban the phrase 'climate change.' Sorry, Republicans, but just like the phrase 'black president,' you can't just wish it away."
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"Overall, attacks on police are way down, yet the perception of the American people is that attacks on police are way up. You may be wondering how that happens. The answer: magic. And the magician? Fox News."
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Clip of news reporter: A North Carolina activist made it her personal mission to remove the confederate flag from the grounds of the South Carolina State House. Thirty-year-old Bree Newsome scaled the thirty-foot pole and descended with the flag in hand.
Larry: That is awesome. It's kind of like that old saying: If you want something done, wait around and do nothing until a kick-ass black woman does that shit for ya.
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“The [armed right-wing Malheur Wildlife Refuge occupiers] put out a call for food and supplies, and instead America sent them dildos. Y’know, just when I start to lose faith in this country, the fiber of the American people restores that faith.”
And on his departure:
“My only regret is that we won’t be around to cover this truly insane election season. Although on the plus side, I must say our show going off the air has to only mean one thing: racism is solved! We did it!!”
We’ll miss him nightly at 11:30. At the same time, we look forward to seeing where he lands next. Soonly, we hope. But not soonish---that would be too longly.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Note: If you guessed when Maine Gov. Paul LePage took office in 2010 that he'd tell his 1,000th lie on August 16, 2016, congratulations: you win bragging rights!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the general election as of tomorrow: 80
Days 'til the Beaverton Craft Beer Festival in Oregon: 8
Percent of Americans in a new Gallup poll who believe racism against black people is at absurdly-high levels: 61%
Unemployment claims for the week, 3,000 below estimates and the best sub-300k streak in 43 years: 262,000
Inflation rate for the 12 month period ending July 31: 0.8%
Factor, according to AP, by which deaths from opioid-based prescription painkillers have risen since 1999: 4x
Percent of state legislative seats up for grabs this November, according to FiveThirtyEight: 80%
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Team USA Olympic Medal Count
Gold 35 Silver 33 Bronze 32 = 100!
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Puppy Pic of the Day
Pella the courthouse dog: "I’ve read the science behind it---the psychological reasons, the studies---but I swear to God it was magic.”
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CHEERS to people with the greatest first name on the planet. Happy Birthday and "many blessings on your camels" to Bill Clinton, who turns 70 today. Some Clintonian fun facts:
✓ Presidents Clinton and George H.W. Bush are the only consecutive presidents who were left handed.
✓ In 1996, President Clinton became the first Democrat to be elected to a second term since Franklin Delano Roosevelt in 1936.
✓ The only president who’s a Rhodes Scholar.
✓ Clinton was just 16 years old when he shook hands with President John F. Kennedy in 1963, just four months before Kennedy’s death. Clinton later said he “muscled” his way through the line to meet JFK at the Boys Nation event.
✓ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech so impressed a teenaged Clinton that he memorized the entire speech right after it was given.
In his plus column: brash, charming, scary intelligent, beat Bush (and Dole and Perot), humiliated Gingrich, made the economy hum, is a fantastic surrogate for Democrats up and down the ballot, busy humanitarian, won the Bosnian campaign, tore Romney apart piece by robotic piece at the 2012 Charlotte Democratic convention and delivered a touching valentine to Hillary last month in Philly, convincingly feels your pain, and looks likely to blaze a trail as America's first First Husband. In the negative column: DOMA, DADT, DLC, Monica, repeal of Glass-Steagall, NAFTA, and I hear he reed-synched his sax solo on Arsenio. On the whole, proud he has a "D" after his name. That's our Bubba.
P.S. State law requires every Mainer to either say "Happy birthday" to former Maine senator George Mitchell, who turns 83 tomorrow, or be banished to a life of misery in New Hampshire. So: Happy Birthday Mr. Former Senate Majority Leader! After 14 years in the Senate, he spent his time as a high-stakes peace broker in Ireland, the Middle East and elsewhere. Earlier this year Markos Moulitsas asked Mitchell if he'd calm things down between the pie-fighting Team Hillary and Team Bernie on Daily Kos. His response: "Dammit, man, I'm a negotiator not a miracle worker."
CHEERS to running government like a government. Let's see how turning our federal prison system over the private sector is going. I'm sure it's a huge success because free-market capitalism always wins!
The Justice Department plans to end its use of private prisons after officials concluded the facilities are both less safe and less effective at providing correctional services than those run by the government.
Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates announced the decision on Thursday in a memo that instructs officials to either decline to renew the contracts for private prison operators when they expire or “substantially reduce” the contracts’ scope. The goal, Yates wrote, is “reducing---and ultimately ending---our use of privately operated prisons.”
“They simply do not provide the same level of correctional services, programs, and resources; they do not save substantially on costs; and as noted in a recent report by the Department’s Office of Inspector General, they do not maintain the same level of safety and security,” Yates wrote.
Hey, here's something else we could work on substantially reducing in Lock Up Land: the prison population.
CHEERS to securing macadamia nuts for the motherland. Fifty-seven years ago this Sunday, on August 21, 1959, President Eisenhower---whose somewhat moderate views would prompt right-wing comparisons to Hitler if he was around today, which would be weird considering he defeated Hitler---signed an executive order proclaiming Hawaii as America's 50th state, unwittingly setting the stage for a secret plot by scalawags to, three years later, import a Kenyan-born baby in swaddling clothes to take over the Executive Branch in 2009 and kill all our old people with death panels.
Even though Cokie Roberts may tut-tut Hawaii---aka the "Book 'Em Danno State"---for being too much of a "foreign, exotic place," we luv ya just the way you are. Tonight we’ll celebrate with some tiny bubbles in the wine, and later maybe a few more in the tub.
CHEERS to amazing feats of gender strength. Pretty cool statistic from Rio:
On the other hand, the men are cleaning their clock at lying to Rio police.
JEERS to activist judges. On August 19, 1692, four innocent men and a woman were hanged on Gallows Hill for "practicing witchcraft" in Salem, Massachusetts. To this day Dick Cheney is outraged by what happened back then. He doesn’t think they were waterboarded nearly long enough.
CHEERS to home vegetation. You can tell we're in the dog days of summer, because there's really only one original thing on TV this weekend, and that's the symbolic kicking down of the gas-station bathroom door preceding the symbolic extinguishing of the Olympic flame at the closing ceremonies in Rio Sunday night starting at 7 on NBC. It's perfect timing because the last team from the opening ceremonies is expected to finish its march around the track at 6:59. The DVD/streaming release schedule is pretty dismal, with Angry Birds the best they can do. At least there's America's pastime to veg with---the baseball lineup is here. (Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, the Red Sox will catch the Tigers by the toe Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!) And here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Off this week because of the Olympics, which Chuck Todd will be watching in his bunny slippers.
This Week: Hillary’s rock-solid one and only campaign manager Robby Mook; Trump’s third campaign manager Kellyanne Conway; GOP-chairman--on-runaway-Trump-train with no idea how he’s gonna stop it Reince Priebus; Jill Stein debates Deez Nuts (unless Deez has a Comic-Con to go to instead, but Jill definitely has nothing better to do so she’ll be there).
Face the Nation: Clinton’s firing-on-all-cylinders campaign manager Robby Mook; Sen. Jeff “Call Me Colonel” Sessions (R-AL) implores viewers to pay no attention to the imploding GOP behind the curtain; Reince Priebus reveals that he spends his time waiting to lose in November by taking sad-trombone lessons. Washington Post investigative reporter Michael Kranish and editor Marc Fisher, authors of Trump Revealed; fresh battleground polls for Ohio and Iowa.
CNN's State of the Union: Louisiana Governor John Bel Edwards with an update on the flooding disaster; Robby Mook; Kellyanne Conway.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sen. Ben Cardin (D-MD); Kellyanne Conway
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 19, 2006
JEERS to abstinence-only -sometimes education. In a Canton, Ohio school district they've gone back to a broader sex education program. Why, you ask? Because the "just say no" approach was spittin' out too many babies. Darn kids. Why can't they just suppress their 195,000 year-old primal instincts like they're told? Yer all grounded!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the put-down of put-downs. Oh, that crazy August of '09, when town hall meetings got so boisterous---with birther bullshit and teabaggers demanding the government do the exact things that would make the economy even worse---that they dominated the news and security was often forced to step in to protect congress members from deranged loons who were egged on by the conservative media empire. (Or as we call it today: the Trump campaign.)
But out of the wankery came a hero from the left who actually won a town hall skirmish: former Democratic Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank, who gave a Nazi-card-playing Lyndon LaRouche supporter something to cry in her strudel about when she trashed the Democrats’ effort to upgrade America's broken health insurance system:
"When you ask me that question, I am going to revert to my ethnic heritage and answer your question with a question: on what planet do you spend most of your time?"
Responded Jon Stewart later that night: "Apparently a planet where a mixed-race president and a gay Jew qualify as Nazis." And that's why, to commemorate that epic moment, C&J officially recognizes August 19 as Barney Frank Day. Saaaaalute!
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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