Hey look, nothing matters and the entire Republican argument against opponent Hillary Clinton was a steaming load of bullshit all along. You got played, Republican America. You got played so damn bad.
Senior Trump administration staffers including Kellyanne Conway, Jared Kushner, Sean Spicer and Steve Bannon have active accounts on a Republican National Committee email system, Newsweek has learned.
Hey, lookie there. It's not just one administration official using a private email server, the whole crew has their own private email server! The good news, though, is they didn't even have to set it up themselves—it's the same server George W. Bush and his crew used for the precise same purpose. And when federal watchdogs came looking for those emails, the Bush administration ‘fessed up that they had (oops) accidentally deleted 22 million of them. (Don't worry, even though the deleted emails were all from the period of time the administration was promoting dodgy information to sell the public on the Iraq War, they promise there was nothing important there.)
It’s not clear whether or how Trump staffers are using the RNC email addresses. If they are using them, they are subject to the “Disclosure Requirement For Official Business Conducted Using Electronic Messaging Accounts," a law, 44 U.S.C. 2209, that went into effect in 2014. If White House staffers have already used the RNC emails system for White House work, they must copy or forward those communications into the government system within 20 days.
And if they don't, Republican lawmakers are going to have eleventy billion investigations and be on every single news program every single week talking about how crooked it all is that the Republican National Committee will be in charge of deciding which emails to turn over and which ones to withhold. Why, Rep. Chaffetz is even now booking rooms for the hearings. Why? Because classified information, of course:
The chief effect of using the RNC server in the Bush years was to leave investigators who wanted to know more about the origins of the Iraq War in the dark—for years. It remains impossible to determine whether Bush staffers ever sent classified material over the RNC system.
You may also recognize the Republican National Committee as one of the organizations infiltrated by Russian hackers during the recent campaign, according to American intelligence officials, though for some reason the information the hackers gained was never promoted relentlessly in Russian propaganda outlets or by (cough) unaffiliated leak-dispensing organizations. So there's also the question as to whether the new administration's private email accounts have already been compromised by foreign hackers, which was another big, huge, fat-as-a-hippo deal only a dozen or so weeks ago.
They needn't bother, though. International hackers have a much easier avenue of accessing what's going on in the Oval Office now: Donald Trump's personal phone. He has refused to give up his insecure Android phone while in the White House, which means foreign hackers can now get their information directly from … Trump himself.
Anyhoo, I'm sure we'll all be getting to the bottom of this. Fox News, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and all those other goddamn patriots—they won't let this stand. Integrity is what their party—nay, their entire movement—is all about, and there's no way yada yada and so on and so forth and oh my God, Trump voters, you got played so damn bad. And you don't even care, do you. It's all a game, from top to bottom. As long as you get your laws against Muslims and Mexicans and some rich pretentious shit you saw on television gets a tax cut, you don't give a flying damn about the rest of it. Sean Hannity is laughing at you when he goes to sleep at night. They’re mocking you. They don't just think you're dumb—they counted on it all along.