From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Yup---Maine's Governor Still Acting Like A Two-Year-Old
Maine is now the newest state to give adults (21+) the freedom to partake in the natural chill-out power of cannibis in the privacy of their homes. It's the end result of a referendum that voters approved in November, and yesterday Governor Paul LePage made it official by signing the official proclamation. Once the mandatory 30-day waiting period is over (January 30th), folks here will be able to grow up to six marijuana plants and possess 2.5 ounces of it. Once the appropriate systems are set up, pot will be legally sold in approved shops, all regulated and taxed.
But of course, being a Republican, LePage couldn’t do the deed without being a jerk about it. Despite our state's impeccable, near-spotless record of running elections, he just had to spit in the eyes of the small army of dedicated, competent professionals devoted to accuracy and transparency above all else. Check out paragraph five:
Clumsily punching down with no justification and for no other reason than to make himself feel superior. No wonder he hates marijuana smokers so much. He’s all-in with the mean drunks.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Note: Great news! Melania Trump was finally spotted fully alive and looking her usual miserable self at Donald Trump's new year's eve party. We've taken her face off the milk cartons and canceled the APB. What a relief. ---C&J Bureau of Missing Persons
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Women's March on Washington: 17
Days 'til the Florida Manatee Festival in Crystal River: 10
Percent of registered voters who demand that Congress show Americans their Obamacare replacement before tearing any of the ACA down, according to a Hart Research Associates poll: 72%
Number of states (AZ, CO, CA, ME, NY, OR, WA) that approved minimum wage increases in 2016 per the National Employment Law Project: 7
Number of cities and counties that approved minimum wage increases in 2016: 18
Percent of Americans who gave a "high" rating for honesty and ethical behavior of clergy in 2001 and 2016, respectively, according to Gallup: 64%, 44%
Amount South Carolinians will have to pay to get their porn-blocker removed if a bill filed by state Rep. Bill Chumley requiring them on all new computers passes: $20
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Mid-week Rapture Index:
184 (including 3 occults and 1 layman's guide to 2017's chances of hosting the End Times). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Pal joins the pack…
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CHEERS to January! Anyone who enjoys winter sports is in heaven this month. And hot clam chowder (or your favorite soup, since it's Soup Month) on a frigid, snowy day is unbeatable.
Plus: minimum wage hikes kick in all over the place! Clean Your Computer Month! Be Kind to Food Servers Month! Martin Luther King, Jr. Day! FDR's birthday! Australia Day! National Pie Day (the 23rd)! California Dried Plum Digestive Health Month! Oscar nominations! Pot becomes legal in Maine! Next Monday is Static Electricity Day, aka The Day the Cat Disappears Into the Closet and Doesn't Come Out Until the Day After Static Electricity Day Day. The acclaimed movie Hidden Figures, about the black women who fought racism to help launch our space program, opens Friday! Here’s an interesting bit of trivia: today is National Trivia Day! And best of all, this month exclamation points are buy-one-get-one-free!!! Whee!!! What fun!!!
JEERS to January. My toes are frozen and Donald Trump is going to become president in 16 days. Anyone know how to safely induce a four-year coma? (Oh, right…silly me. Just turn on CNN.)
CHEERS to the power of piling on. For their first trick of the new session, House Republicans took a page from GOP-led state legislatures (I'm looking at you, Michigan, North Carolina and Wisconsin) and tried ramming a crap sandwich---in this case de-fanging the independent House ethics board---down America's gullet in the middle of the night. And it turned out the same as when they opened their session in 2011 by allowing two members to vote on legislation even though they hadn't been sworn in yet, and reading the Constitution aloud but only after scrambling to remove the embarrassing "3/5ths clause." Which is to say, it went poorly---the public swamped their offices with outrage, so all the little Beelzebubbas fled with their forked tails between their legs and vowed never to speak of it again until they can figure out how to do it without getting caught. Welcome to life in Drainy Swampy Land, kids.
CHEERS to the new tender of the Tarheel State. Get down on your knees and thank the Baby Jesus, North Carolina, because you are finally free of your four-year plague known as Pat McCrory. The new guy in charge has a bright, shiny "D" after his name…
Given the veto-proof Republican majorities that exist in the legislature, Cooper won’t have much power to enact legislation. But he'll be on the front lines where leadership really counts, like dealing with disasters both natural and man-made. Like, for example, hurricanes and cleaning up McCrory's mess.
CHEERS to 84,904 square miles of madcap fun. Happy 120th Birthday to Utah---aka the "Beehive Hairdo State"---which entered the union on January 4th, 1896. The state animal is the Rocky Mountain Elk. The state gem is topaz. The state bird is, oddly, the California Sea Gull. And the state fossil is, of course, Orrin Hatch.
CHEERS to today's boring correction. Well, this is a relief. Federal investigators now say that the Russians did not hack a power grid in Vermont. Said Burlington Electric customers: "Wow, what a relief." Said Russia: "Wow, what a great idea!"
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 4, 2007
CHEERS to the Fightin’ 110th. Today the Republican "Era of Lost Marbles" officially ends, and the "Era of Restored Sanity" begins as Democrats assume leadership of both chambers of Congress. Only this morning does it hit home: this is really happening. And somewhere in the hereafter the founding fathers are giving each other high-fives---their little experiment still works. [1/4/17 Update: Apparently a volatile mixture of voter stupidity and the electoral college has caused something with the experiment to go terribly wrong. Firefighters are on the scene now and will announce if anything can be saved on November 6, 2018.]
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And just one more…
JEERS to the Long, Cold, Dark Road Ahead. Our annual reminder that the next warm-weather holiday when most Americans actually get a long weekend off is Memorial Day. That's 145 days away. And to wash that lovely thought out of your head, enjoy the first image of the new year from astronaut Shane Kimbrough at the International Space Station:
"250 miles above our planet." Way to rub it in, pal.
Have a nice Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
State troopers are warning Daily Kossacks that reading Cheers and Jeers while not high will remain against the law in 2017.
---KNPR
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