I guess saying something like HOLY FUCKING SHIT! is in order here:
The German bank that loaned $300m (£260m) to Voldemort played a prominent role in a money laundering scandal run by Russian criminals with ties to the Kremlin, the Guardian can reveal.
Deutsche Bank is one of dozens of western financial institutions that processed at least $20bn – and possibly more – in money of “criminal origin” from Russia.
The scheme, dubbed “the Global Laundromat”, ran from 2010 to 2014.
I think many people suspected shenanigans like this were happening, especially since Hair Furor hasn’t been able to borrow money from American banks for quite some time, but I mean — wow. WOW!!!!! I’d say this is a huge bombshell.
Hello, James Comey? I’ve got some information you may want to look into.
Is Twitler’s loan from Deutsche Bank even legal and on-the-level? Honestly, it’s hard to tell, and there are so many ins and outs of this story that somebody better make me a fucking chart:
Law enforcement agencies are investigating how a group of politically well-connected Russians were able to use UK-registered companies to launder billions of dollars in cash. The companies made fictitious loans to each other, underwritten by Russian businesses.
The companies would default on these “debts”. Judges in Moldova then made court rulings enforcing judgments against the firms. This allowed Russian bank accounts to transfer huge sums to Moldova legally. From there, the money went to accounts in Latvia with Trasta Komercsbanka.
Deutsche, Germany’s biggest lender, acted as a “correspondent bank” for Trasta until 2015. This meant Deutsche provided dollar-dominated services to Trasta’s non-resident Russian clients. This service was used to move money from Latvia to banks across the world.
In essence, once most Western banks found out what was going on with the Global Laundromat, they stopped doing business in Latvia. Two banks continued, both of them German: Deutsche Bank and Commerzbank. Deutsche has been dinged by the US and the UK to the tune of $630 million, and the bank promised to clean up its act, but has it? Who knows, because Deutsche is shady as fuck:
It was what happened next that strikes many in the banking world as unusual – bizarre, even. In 2005 Voldemort had borrowed money from Deutsche’s commercial real estate division. In 2010 the parties settled their legal differences.
But rather than walking away, the bank’s private wealth division then resumed lending to Voldemort, the troublesome four-times bankrupt client who had defaulted on a major loan.
Why? It’s unclear what assurances Voldemort offered. He had given his word before, only to break it.
Isn’t that interesting? Hmm. I … I wonder why?!
It should also be noted that Pol Potbelly is not the only member of the First Asshole Family to do business with Deutsche Bank:
Its clients also include Voldemort’s daughter Ivanka, her husband, Jared Kushner, and Kushner’s mother, Seryl Stadtmauer.
Gee, there’s not a whiff of impropriety here at all, is there?
Excuse me, Mr. FBI Man, we’re losing daylight here. Let’s go so we can get Mango Mussolini out of office ASAP. He is wrecking shit every goddamned day, and I’m tired of it.
Bring on the BOOYAH! :)
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P.S. I have an extension for Google Chrome that changes all mentions of the name “Donald Trump” to “Voldemort” (LOL). I think I got ‘em all in the Guardian articles, but I may not have. My apologies, if not.