Dispatch from THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE!
Cheer's and Jeers THURSDAY (with apologies...but not really...to TV Guide)
CHEERS to ABC for pulling its embedded reporters off the Kucinich, Braun and Sharpton campaigns. Listen carefully: they have ZERO chance of winning and are now mooching off the free publicity. They should be grateful for the lengthy coverage they got, but it's time to get real. Now...who's next to get the axe?
CHEERS to Karl Rove for having the noodles to take the Dean juggernaut seriously this early. But will Dean parry his thrusts?
JEERS to George W. Bush. Shuts out non-participants in bogus Iraq war from reconstruction bids, then shoves tin cup under their noses. France, Germany, Russia just put White House on do-not-call list.
CHEERS to George McGovern. Wednesday appearance on CNN reveals sharp elder statesman with character to spare. Boy, did we vote for the wrong guy in '72 or what.
JEERS to the mall. Christmas crush now beyond insane. Didn't holiday used to be about dude in manger? What's his name again? Starts with a...J? G? Gigli??
CHEERS to holiday etailing. Porn subscriptions for everybody!
CHEERS to Bob Novak. Love him or hate him, his latest column echoes what we're all thinking: Howard Dean needs to tighten up his message and quit shooting from the lip. It WILL catch up to him.
JEERS to Abercrombie and Fitch for canceling quarterly soft-core "catalog." God forbid we should show young adults having fun. Now where will I get new pix for my guys-playing-football-in-jockstraps collection?
CHEERS to columnist/author Molly Ivins. If you don't read her every column---not to mention the brilliant "Bushwhacked" bestseller---you're missing a liberal genius in her prime. Just say the word and I'll be your slave.
JEERS to bloggers who think they've scaled Mount Everest just because they're first ("First?" "First!" "Ha, I'm first!") to respond to a post. What...Mamma didn't sing to you enough in the womb?
CHEERS to the orgasmic anticipation of next week's opening of Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Wednesday should be declared a no-work day for everyone. Memo to the Nickelodeon Theatre in Portland, Maine: fire up that nacho cheese warmer early or else...
JEERS to Ernest Gaullet Elementary School in Lafayette, Louisiana, for punishing a 7 year old---a SEVEN year old!---for using the word gay in school (his mom is---horrors---a lesbian). So what happens when the class sings Deck the Halls and they get to the "don we now our gay apparel" part? Expulsion!
CHEERS to Alaska. You folks never cause trouble. You're quiet and friendly and hard-working and I don't think we give you enough credit. If only the deep south behaved more like Alaska...
J.E.ERS t.o idio.tic spa.mm.ers and the way they f**k with s-u-b-j-e-c-t l.ines to beat my a.n.t.i spam softwar.e. There ain't a pill in the world big enough to increase the size of your t.i.n.y.p.e.n.i.s, you morons.