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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Another tasty nugget of goodness from Larry Flynt's new tome, `Sex, Lies and Politics':
Just after Labor Day 2003, nine candidates for the Democratic Party nomination for president met for their first nationally televised debate. The event was upstaged the same evening by NFL Kick-off Night in Times Square, a big blowout featuring Bon Jovi and Enrique Iglesias. But what really made headlines, as well as magazine covers, all over the world, and was by far the most reported and analyzed event of that week, was Madonna slipping her tongue down Britney Spears's throat on the MTV awards a few nights before. There are two things political observers can learn from this:
Point #1: The nation as a whole is made up of a great many not exactly deep thinkers. When we're waiting in line at the checkout counter, we're flipping through `People,' not `Foreign Policy Review.' Trouble is, though, democracy is not just a spectator sport. If we don't pay attention, the lying hypocrites will rob us blind.
Point #2: While there was once a profession called journalism, which used to serve as a sort of bullshit detector in opposition to power, it has been replaced in all but a few places with what is known as "the media." The media doesn't dig to find the truth and confront politicians with it. The media simply goes along with whatever is put in front of its cameras, Everyone in the "entertainment-news" business knew that Madonna's tongue-wrestling episode was a stunt meant to give a boost to two flagging careers, but that didn't matter. Networks and newspapers can be--and are--routinely manipulated by anyone savvy enough to do so, and Madonna is the greatest manipulator since P.T. Barnum.
Spoken like a true deep thinker (although C&J would contend that Bush makes Madonna look like a P.R. hack.)
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swooosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 26, 2004
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Republican Convention: 4
Days `til Bush destroys Kerry in the first debate: 35
Days 'til General Election: 68
U.S. Olympic medals: 76 (25 gold)
http://www.electoral-vote.com/ : Kerry 280 Bush 238
CHEERS to hands crushed in cookie jars. America wakes up to the front page headline we've been waiting for: "Bush Election Advisor Resigns." GOP campaign lawyer Ben Ginsberg calls it quits due to the fact that there was no firewall between his work for Bush-Cheney `04 and Swift Boat Veterans for Self-Destruction. Okay...who's next?
CHEERS to Return of Big Daddy. Shiite cleric Imam "Dude" Sistani---the most powerful person in Iraq--- returns after medical treatment in England. He's leading a massive march to Najaf with stern words for his followers: "In the name of Allah if you have to pee do it now because we're not stopping."
JEERS to clumsy carpentry. The GOP is working on their platform planks. With God, Guns and Gays all they have to run on, their campaign could be carved on a toothpick.
CHEERS to practicing what you preach. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, 78, the influential author of `On Death and Dying,' died peacefully at her Arizona home Tuesday. She said dying people go through 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Unless you get hit by a bus, in which case you go through one very brief stage of "de..."
JEERS to gravity. U.S. News and World Report says nearly 11 million gallons of oil runs off pavement in the U.S. every 8 months and winds its way into our oceans. That exceeds the amount spilled by the Exxon Valdez. Forget about coastal oil rigs--all we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil is a few skimmers.
CHEERS to "Opposite George." Would the Kerry team score more points in the swift boat melee by going against their instincts? Thomas Schaller at The Gadflyer thinks so: http://gadflyer.com/articles/?ArticleID=193. We agree---it's time to get snarky.
JEERS to one-way trips into the ground. In Russia, officials are stymied by the Tuesday crash of two Russian planes. Officials say there's no sign of terrorism, so they're looking at other causes. Like maybe the fact that they were Russian planes?
CHEERS to giving Rumsfeld the finger. Mike Smith's cartoon in USA Today is a must-see: http://images.usatoday.com/news/_photos/2004/08/26/cartoon-inside.jpg. On-target? Gosh, yes.
CHEERS to being 5. Admit it---Kindergarten is as good as it gets. The toys, the playground, the naps...and no homework. Well, you can thank the St. Louis Board of Education for that blissful year---it opened the first kindergarten on this date in 1873. Let us raise a glass of Elmer's Paste, pee our pants, and salute the good times.
JEERS to the Fun-killers. Town officials and religious types are trying to "clean up" C&J's vacation spot, Key West, because it's "too naughty": http://www.usatoday.com/travel/destinations/2004-08-25-keywest_x.htm. But the good news is that drunken brawling is still A-O-K---as long as your nipples are covered. (P.S.---We've seen the Bible thumper with the easel at Mallory Square. When he starts his routine, people make a bee-line for the half-naked fire-eaters.)
JEERS to mean people. A South Carolina woman sued her local city council to drop the name Jesus Christ from its pre-meeting prayer. Now Darla Wynn is being threatened by Glenn-Close-in-Fatal-Attraction types. Her house has been vandalized 10 times. One person broke into her home, beheaded her parrot, cut its heart out, and left a note: "You're next." Ah, South Carolina: "Friendly Faces, Beautiful Places."
CHEERS to broads in the booth. On August 26, 1920, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution---giving women the right to vote---was certified by Secretary of State Bainbridge Colby. If you promise to vote for Kerry, ladies, we'll forgive you for using your new-found powers to elect second-worst-president-ever Warren Harding.
CHEERS to smart business. The city of New York has pulled the musical `Naked Boys Singing' off its discount list for Republicans delegates: http://www.usatoday.com/news/politicselections/2004-08-25-rnc-musical_x.htm. They know that the Goopers will be lining up to pay full price. ("But, um...don't tell my wife.")
Cheers and Jeers Flashback: March 26, 2004:
CHEERS to Howard Dean. He keeps his word---given a year ago---to support the Democratic nominee, "whoever that may be." John Kerry endorsement was a fine Kodak moment. Job #1 for Guv: Swaying Nader voters?
JEERS to Bush `humor.' Knee-slapper at Radio & Television Correspondents Association dinner (describing a photo of him looking in a cabinet drawer in the Oval office): "Those Weapons of Mass destruction have got to be here somewhere." Bet that's just crackin' up the folks on casket duty at Dover AFB.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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