Of all the foolish mistakes in the speech written by Karen Hughes and delivered by the Bush twins, I would argue that none was more revealing and fatal than the offhand remark about their hamster. Their simple-minded attempt at parity ("Well, we had a hamster, too!") only emphasized just how far the Bushes, and the party for which they stand, fall short of the Kerrys, and of the people who support them. They don't understand why Kerry is worthy of admiration and even love. Nor do they see how the members of their own family are merely imitations of real people.
Both the Bushes' speech and Alexandra Kerry's speech followed the pattern of a roast. Now, a roast can dig up dirt that makes everyone cringe, or it can blandly fill time. But at its best, a roast pokes gentle fun at the hapless target in order to creep up on what is truly admirable. By the time things turn serious, we've come to understand something about the target's imperfections that helps us grasp how great the speaker's strengths truly are. For the roast to succeed, the strengths being praised must be demonstrated, not only enumerated. Furthermore, the imperfections being skewered must be either truly inconsequential or else strengths in disguise.
Many people in this thread did a fine job of describing some of the darker Bush attributes, spanning multiple generations, revealed by the young women's speech: irresponsibility, anti-intellectualism, mendacity. But what I found equally striking was the fact that when it came to the laudatory part of the speech, there was a yawning hole. When they should be describing what it is that they love most about the people who are most central to their lives, the details become surprisingly generic. Peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches, car pools, cheering from the bleachers. Thank you, Dad, for, uh, everything.
Alexandra and Vanessa have also described their father cheering them on at games. But in their case, the picture has a bit more life. Who's that tall guy in the orange hunting hat? Oh no, it's Dad! The prototypical embarrassing moment -- my father, wearing something goofy in public! But what shines through is the fact that he shows up. It may be a sacrifice for him to make it up from Washington every weekend, but he doesn't hesitate to make sacrifices, small and large, for the things that are important to him and to the people who depend on him.
By contrast, the Bushes never get beyond the obsession with what's hot and what's not. Our parents and grandparents may seem to be square, but actually... they're pretty cool! In fact, they know about the group OutKast! Oh yeah, and they must have taught us about, you know, discipline, and love, and that kind of thing, but we can't come up with any details.
The fact is that I have a soft spot for someone who is willing to be goofy, because I know that "cool" comes at a cost. I know that it would make the Bushes burst out laughing, but many of us actually preferred the laughingstock Jimmy Carter to the ever-so-slick Ronald Reagan. Carter was always willing to admit uncomfortable things and care about unglamorous issues. Maybe Kerry's not so different. Kerry does have the motorcycle-hockey-windsurfing thing going for him to prove he's not a wimp, but secretly, I like the idea that there are things more important to him than mastering the art of cool.
So much for the hat. Now back to the hamster. As Alexandra was the first to admit, there was something silly about her father grabbing an oar and jumping into the water to save the caged animal, and there is definitely something hilarious, not to mention uncomfortable, in the image of the six-foot-plus Kerry giving CPR to a one-foot-minus rodent. But as she also made clear, he did it because the hamster was important to them. Since I'm not on stage, I'm going to expose myself to the possibility of saying something truly ridiculous. I claim that that hamster represents the vulnerable part of our world that is worth saving. The Republican party has become a group of people who laugh at the very idea of helping anyone or anything that needs defense: the trees, the homeless. George Bush would have smirked as that caged animal drowned. He certainly wouldn't have gotten his clothes wet in trying to save it. But Kerry is a different kind of person. I don't think it's a coincidence that the same person who was willing to get his clothes wet to save a hamster also reached into a river in the middle of gunfire to rescue a man in danger. Is it a stretch to call this the same impulse that led him over the course of his political career to investigate issues that no one else would touch? Okay, fair enough. But show me just one thing that Bush has done that demonstrates a bit of sacrifice, a bit of independence from his financial and political backers. The closest thing I can find is a timid man whimpering "But haven't we already given a round of tax cuts?" before knuckling under and once again doing the bidding of the rich.
I can imagine what Jenna and Barbara might have learned from Daddy, and from Grandpa, and Gammie, and Uncle Jeb, and great-uncle Prescott, and the rest. Kick back, build up your connections, and never, never risk your political capital. Remember, winning is all that matters. Maybe they can even point to all the political successes of their family members and feel proud.
But I can tell you that Vanessa and Alexandra have an admiration for their father that is based on something else. It's clear that the men in his boat feel the same way. And so do I. So let's dethrone Jenna and Barbara's father and put Vanessa and Alexandra's dad into the White House. Hamsters are not the only ones to be saved!