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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Many times is the question asked: Is Cheers and Jeers fair and balanced? Today---as our esteemed vice president would say (and then deny)---"there can be no doubt." Out of respect for the other side, today we turn the giant, throbbing C&J keypad over to our lesser-known sibling:
Gil in Portland Maine.
Gil is a Republican. He eats, sleeps, breathes---and eats again because he's a big boy---all that is GOP. Through Gil we can perhaps come to understand the other side. Because only through empathy can we become one American family again.
Gil...you have the floor. Cheers and Jeers---compassionate conservative style---starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swooosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]
Cheers and Jeers---Compassionate Conservative style---for Friday, October 15, 2004
by guest blogger Gil in Portland Maine
By the Numbers:
Days 'til General Election: 18
Number of people injured each year while using a toothbrush: 2,500 (because Democrats can't walk and brush at the same time!)
(Source: FDA)
Bush "blinks per minute" during his closing debate remarks: 101 (He was EXCITED!!)
Kerry "blinks per minute" during his closing remarks: 61 (He was DROOPY and POOPY!!)
(Source: Boston College psychology prof. Joseph Tecce, obviously a DNC hack)
Chance of the U.S. ever going to terror alert GREEN on Bush's watch: 100% (right after the election---just you wait and see!)
Days `til Star Wars III--Revenge of the Sith: 216
http://www.electoral-vote.com/ : Kerry 228 Bush 284 (Ouch...milk snorting out Gil's nose!)
JEERS to Howard Dean. His new radio ad for Yahoo!Local is something to scream about: http://www.ysearchblog.com/archives/000035.html. Still angry. Still dangerous. Still dodging the draft with a phony back condition. But hey...let's go skiing in Aspen!!!
CHEERS to the truth. Ha! FCC commissioner Michael Powell says that the documentary "Stolen Honor" can run as scheduled by---praise them---Sinclair Broadcasting: http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/?entry=13155_FCC_Will_Not_Block_Broadcast_of_Stolen_Honor. C&J is stocking up on popcorn and non-alcoholic beverages. Save us a front row seat, okay???
JEERS to leftist smear campaigns. Lynne Cheney is understandably upset because John Kerry used her daughter---a confused "lesbian" who is fighting her sinful "choice" with help from Exodus International---for political gain: http://www.washingtontimes.com/national/20041015-121311-2314r.htm. Be careful about throwing stones in glass houses, John...your wrists looked mighty LIMP at the debate!!!
CHEERS to Wall Street. The Dow dropped below 10,000 again. Thus giving poor people an opportunity to call their brokers and pick up some bargains. The dream is alive!!
JEERS to traitors dressed in GOP clothing. Misguided officials, giving in to the radical gay agenda, say they're against the constitutional amendment banning "gay" "marriage" in Ohio. U.S. Senators Mike DeWine and George Voinovich are voting "No," as is Republican Governor Bob Taft: http://www.365gay.com/newscon04/10/101304ohioGov.htm. Here's a word you guys will never see again in your career: Re-election!!
CHEERS to common sense. One day after Christopher Reeve died, the GOP put a hold on the pork-barrel spending initiative cleverly disguised as the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Act: http://www.theleftcoaster.com/archives/003012.html. Guess you're not feeling so "Super" now, are ya, big spenders??!
CHEERS to decent Democrats. On October 14, 1905, President Grover Cleveland wrote an article for 'Ladies Home Journal,' opposing women voters. His words: "We all know how much further women go than men in their social rivalries and jealousies...sensible and responsible women do not want to vote." Don't remind the "womyn" at NOW---they might burn their Triple-D bras in protest and trip all the fire alarms!!
JEERS to deep thinkers. Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche was born on this date in 1844. He said "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Which is why the Democrats don't have a prayer on November 2nd. Losers!!!
CHEERS to Zell Miller. Just cuz!!
JEERS to religious bigotry. Democrats---led by activist judges---are dead-set on turning America into an atheist nation. The Supreme Court is about to change that by affirming our religious heritage: http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=PR04J03. If judge Roy Moore agrees to argue for our side, there's gonna be some SERIOUS dancin' in the pews!!
CHEERS to the children. Because of Bill Clinton's reckless attitude toward edukashun (Ha, it's spelled funny!), poor school districts have gotten poorer...and rich ones richer, says the latest Education Trust report. The gap between poorest and richest districts in 2002 was $868 per student...up from $728 per student in 2000. Which is why we must allow George W. Bush to finish his hard work to leave NO child behind. Kerry would be a dizastuhr!!
CHEERS to Charles Krauthammer. He says Osama bin Laden would--duh!--vote for John Kerry. Can somebody please find a cabinet position for this man???
JEERS to left-wing conspiracies. Bill O'Reilly is being sued for allegedly making some mildly "blue" remarks to a disgruntled former Fox employee. Yeah...he shouted them to her from the GRASSY KNOLL!!!
CHEERS to corporate responsibility. ExxonMobil wants its employees to vote for real leadership, so they're gently suggesting that George Bush is a sensible choice for America's future: http://www.greenpeace.org/features/details?item_id=608937 (be sure to scroll down and watch the animation...just to keep tabs on the activist tree-hugging Nazis). If Kerry wins, we'll be powered by windmills. Just what we need---energy policy hijacked by the Dutch!!
JEERS to Osama the `Nuisance.' How much more outrageous can John Kerry get? Plenty! Tony Blankley has the smackdown: http://www.creators.com/opinion_show.cfm?columnsName=tbl. Is this guy ever wrong??
CHEERS to neatness. Watch this amazing clip of how to fold T-shirts the right way (warning--it's demonstrated by a foreigner): http://telivyel.ferrona.to/maglietta.mpg. But leave your Sunday clothes in the care of the woman of the house. Wrinkled duds...wrinkled faith!!
JEERS to our African American friends. On this date in 1991---despite despicable and false charges of sexual harassment by traitor and African American Anita Hill---the Senate elevated African American Judge Clarence Thomas to the U.S. Supreme Court---the first African American on the bench, appointed by an all-inclusive Republican president (Bush I: Hoo-rah!). Along with Justice Scalia, he's been the only voice of sanity on the bench. And such a nicely-pressed robe!
JEERS to Bill in Portland Maine. Okay you Democrat groin-kickers---you choose to `out' Mary Cheney, we choose to `out' C&J's whiner-in-chief. This is him: http://idun.sandsgaard.dk/archives/IMG_2704.JPG. And guest what?? He just dropped poopies and Mommy's mailing them straight to JOHN KERRY!!!
Cheers and Jeers 10-month Flashback: December 15, 2003---Saddam's Capture
CHEERS to the 4th Infantry Division's 1st Brigade and Special Ops for snatching the haggard prize---Saddam Hussein---from a tiny 'Spider Hole.' The stories they'll be able to tell their kids: Priceless.
CHEERS to "We got him." Paul Bremer delivers perfect line with deadpan precision. A moment for the ages.
JEERS to Iraqi practice of celebratory discharge of firearms. Bullets have nasty habits of coming down on people's heads. Ever hear of sparklers?
Floor's open. Thanks to George W. Bush, you are more secure than ever to cheer and jeer. May God bless you...and may God bless the United States of America.
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