Posted at my crappy, neglected
blog:
Well here we are...
I saw it right there on my tee-vee: A clear mandate from the American people for President Bush.
I'd simply like to thank all of you for all the work you've done the past four years, whichever side you worked for.
It's should be a helluva ride. Republicans will retain the executive and look to be building upon their control of both the House and Senate.
At least two Supreme Court Justices will be gone by 2008. Bye-bye choice. Remember: Love the fetus, hate the child. Up to 50,000 children dead in Iraq, well, because that's what Jesus would have wanted wanted.
Two members of the axis of evil have yet to be bombed, and each is working feverishly to stockpile nukes. We can't win a war (or the peace) in Iraq, and they didn't have shit for weapons. This should be exciting! Do I need to be home to sign when FedEx delivers my draft card?
USA PATRIOT Act 2 is sitting on Ashcroft's desk, and we've just given our consent for it to be sent to Congress. Remember again: We may have to abolish a few of those pesky ammendments in the Bill of Rights (due process, free speech, freedom of expression, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, equal protection, etc.), but don't worry, you'll get to keep your guns! Whatever guns you want! Ain't nothin' like shootin' a deer with an Uzi. Freedom is on the march!
The environment? Well the jury's still out on what, if anything, needs to be done about the environment. Crack science, most of that stuff. A little more mercury in your water is good for your skin. If the ozone layer is gone we'll have 90 degree days in California in December! Awesome!
And no, I don't mind that my community college tuition has just about tripled in just 2 years. Education should be a struggle. It'll prepare me for the real world where, until I get filthy rich, I'll be getting screwed at every opportunity. Free market capitalism, baby! (Disclaimer: "Free market capitalism" doesn't mean we can't give giant government subsidies to gigantic corporations)
And gays. Ah, yes, the gays. Evangelical Christian turnout was unexpectedly huge, and most of them said in exit polls it was because of the gays....... Okay, I really don't have enough energy or the stomach to say anything clever about this. So, I'll just ask this: Why can't you understand that your church will never be dictated to about who you can and who you can't allow to get married, but that in exchange, YOU CAN'T DENY AMERICANS WHO LOVE EACH OTHER THEIR RIGHTS TO LIFE, LIBERTY, AND HAPPINESS BASED SOLELY ON RELIGIOUS BELIEFS? If you're so worried about threats to the tradional family, why don't you make divorce illegal? Or make marrage a lot harder for EVERYONE? Why don't you fight against locking up people (parents) for smoking, or God forbid, selling a joint?
Oh, there's another one! Drug War, full speed ahead! We can't let Prozac be forced to compete with marijuana in the marketplace because Prozac would lose! And that would be bad for democracy. Bad for freedom. The terrorists would win. (This message has been brought to you by the people who will cure cancer one day after you buy enough of their erectile-dysfunction dru... medication.)
Mass-media deregulation... Hummers in every driveway... The Ten Commandments in every classroom... Prayer and the Pledge over every school P.A... Big Brother keeping us safe from ourselves... Indefinite detentions without access to a lawyer for writing blog posts like this... Back-alley abortions... And maybe, just maybe, the rapture...
It's a new day in America. The sun is rising. Some of you may read this and feel deep dispair, agony, and even rage. That's because you're Communists. Take some Prozac and turn on Fox News. Have a steak from a factory farm with some genetically modified veggies and a tall glass of rBST fortified milk.
Everything will be... just...fine.