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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
All right you sissies, listen up! Today is the 229th birthday of the United States Marine Corps. You WILL stop what yer doing and say THANK YOU or you WILL scrub the latrine with a toothbrush for TWO WEEKS!! Now SOUND OFF...
Back in 1775
My Marine Corps came alive
First there came the color gold
To show the world that we are bold
Then there came the color red
To show the world the blood we shed
Then there came the color green
To show the world that we are mean
Then there came the color blue
To show the world that we are true
Oh yeah!
Marine Corps!
Your Corps!
My Corps!
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, November 10, 2004
By the Numbers:
Days `til Thanksgiving: 15
Days `til Justice Dept. pulls the drape off that bare-breasted statue: ??
Number of Blue States represented in the American flag's 13 stripes: 9
Number of state flags with blue backgrounds: 27
Number of state flags with red backgrounds: 2
Net worth of Michael Dell, world's richest self-made American under 40: $17.95 billion
Number of legs he puts into his pants at a time: 1
CHEERS to the sweetest two words in the English language. "Ashcroft Resigns" replaces "Free Booze" at the top of our survey this morning. And we expect it to stay there for a long, long time. (At least `til Friday night.)
CHEERS to The Boondocks (http://www.ucomics.com/boondocks/). It got a ton of write-in votes in our C&J comic strip poll yesterday---as did Get Fuzzy (http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/) and Get Your War On (http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/war.html)---so today we're having a runoff poll: Boondocks vs. Doonesbury vs. Get Fuzzy vs. GYWO. I wonder if it'll end up in a 4-way...draw. Hahahahahahaha!!!
JEERS to overstaying your welcome. Yasser Arafat is dead. No he's not. Yes he is. No he's not. Yes he is. Sounds like God and Lucifer are gonna have to determine ownership of this oddball's soul with a Rock-Paper-Scissors smackdown. Ticketsonsalenowattheciviccenterboxoffice!!!
CHEERS to wearing your heart on your digital camera. Americablog posted the "Sorry Everybody" site yesterday, and C&J actually got a little choked up: http://72.3.131.10/gallery/1/. We are not alone, folks. We are not alone.
JEERS to PBS. Our eyes are still burning from watching Charles "Dr. Strangelove" Krauthammer and Tony "Jabba the Dick" Blankley gloat about the election results on Inside Washington and The McLaughlin Group last weekend. I thought the FCC was clamping down on indecency.
JEERS to stale promos. The Air America phones are ringing off the hook: "If you agree to legalize drugs in this country would you be willing to tax them?" Would somebody please get this guy an answer??! (Hint: You betcha!)
CHEERS to good sense. On November 10, 1793, France ended the forced worship of God. So of course, just to be pissy, we're doing the exact opposite today.
JEERS to What Were They Thinking!!? Two years ago today, the House voted to allow President Bush to take unilateral military action against Saddam Hussein in Iraq---with virtually no strings attached. Unless you count the ones that hold the American flags on the coffins.
CHEERS to C&J's new litmus test. Memo to the DNC and future Democratic candidates: You want my money? Show me your negative ads first.
JEERS to shitty water. No, that's not a cute play on words---the EPA says there's literally shit in the drinking water on commercial airliners: http://www.usatoday.com/travel/news/2004-11-09-airlines-water_x.htm. Oh, gullible me...I thought it was an Ovaltine dispenser.
CHEERS to stupid damn wars. On this date in 1982, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial---a vee shape which points accusingly at the State Department---opened. And we have yet to see a more moving image than Lee Teter's tribute: http://store1.yimg.com/I/gallerydirectart_1813_1460217336. Sure wish it wasn't necessary, though.
JEERS to separation anxiety. Even though we deleted them from our PC's Favorites list a week ago, we still feel the urge to go to electoral-vote.com and the daily Rasmussen Tracking poll. But our daily jaunt to ABC's smugger-than-thou The Note...we don't miss that a bit.
CHEERS to Howard Dean. His post-election pep talk is a corker (and he's obviously been reading George Lakoff's stuff): http://www.democracyforamerica.com/features/2004/11/08/democrats_cannot_give_up.php. Let the New American Morality begin.
CHEERS to framing the weasels. Speaking of Lakoff. If you live in a market with a Sinclair TV station, stop referring to it by its call letters or channel number. Instead, start calling it---with a little snark in your voice---"That Sinclair station." Amazingly, it makes `em sound like half-a-notch above public access. Try it!
CHEERS to quick thinking. Air America Radio's store has a snarky new logo: http://www.cafepress.com/airamericaradio.14500828?zoom=yes#zoom. Our sentiments exactly.
JEERS to Bush the environmentalist. No surprise here---he's the worst (link courtesy of C&J reader Gallahad): http://post-gazette.com/pg/04314/409170.stm. That explains all the furry, finned and feathered friends crossing the Canadian border with suitcases.
CHEERS to earwax. It's much easier to flick off your fingers than boogers. And in this crazy world that counts for something.
CHEERS to 11 months of C&J. Oh, so that's where summer went. And spring. And winter. Seriously, our sincere thanks for all the mojo as we commemorate our monthiversary today. At the stroke of noon, place a glass (with ice) under your `A' drive for a little liquid gift. Cheers!
Cheers and Jeers 6-month Flashback: May 10, 2004...
CHEERS to Nancy Reagan. From Saturday night speech: "Science has presented us with a hope [for treating Alzheimer's, diabetes and other diseases] called stem cell research... I just don't see how we can turn our back on this." Need some aloe vera for those claw marks on your face, Dubya?
JEERS to cicadas. Ugly critters are about to come out of their holes in the ground, make insufferable noise, and send people fleeing indoors. A preview of the Republican convention.
And just one more...
CHEERS to the software revolution. On this date in 1983, Microsoft released its Windows computer operating system. And we've had absolutely no troub [microsoft error message 23764. this program has encountered a fatal error and will shut down immediately. please check owner's manual for more information. Huhhuhhuh...dumbass.]
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jee [microsoft error message 23765. nice try, but you can't just reboot your pc and expect the problem to go away. now be a good little schmuck and go read all 1,134 pages of the windows operating manual. or you can...snortsnort...try to call tech support. oh I hate it when milk shoots out my nose. okay you're done. bye bye, dumbass.]
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