I am not an investigative reporter.
I am not a professional writer, and I only posess a BA, in fine art at that.
I've only very recently started blogging, and I'm not sure how long I'll continue. I'm self employed, and I have to "buckle down" and get my ass in gear and make money. I only started doing this because I, for the first time in my life, found myself very interested in politics. This administration, I've gathered in my short time on Kos, has had that effect on a lot of people.
Most of my friends and the people I work with are not that interested in politics. They voted for Kerry, they were sad when he lost, but they have a generally more resigned attitude towards the whole thing than I.
I have one friend I work with who shares my interest, and most of my "politics" as well - we talk about various issues whenever we're together.
None of the "mainstream media" address my political interests.
Certainly, none share my world view.
I can't really stand the conspiracy "Rense" types either - I require a bit more intellectual rigor than they generally require.
However, I find myself more willing to believe, if not their stories, their "view" of the level of corruption in our government.
So, where is the line.
I recently posted a diary with a poll (see 'provocative question') asking how many thought the government was in some way complicit in 9/11. Out of 78 respondents roughly 80% said yes, they were (refer to my diary for the full breakdown) in some way responsible.
I am also not a graduate student, I don't have much free time - and while I try to read as much as possible - a constant diet of news and political history would surely drive me to suicide before the next general election. One less democrat!
I have come to think of the republicans as being indominable, at least by conventional democratic means.
Short of criminal investigations leading to impeachment, I do not see how a republican majority in both the house and senate, and soon, most damningly, the supreme court can be overcome.
The corporations have not only lobbied us out of democracy, they hold the presidency and vice presidency. I cannot stress this enough. They are the government now - and worse, the only "check and balance", the press - well, they own that too.
I have not seen any heroes in the mainstream media - at least not enough - yes, I like Keith Olbermann, and Ron Reagan Jr., and I love Jon Stewart - but really, I don't see them being enough to turn a fully controlled machine around.
Corparatism as government, masquerading as democracy, and Consumers masquerading as citizens - is this enough - can it stand as a nation, am I naive? Was America ever more? Or was I wrong to like Frank Capra films (despite his politics)?
My 82 year old mother is sure the pendulum will swing back.
I want to believe her, she lived through the great depression and WW2 - she knows what hardship really is. I grew up in the richest soceity in the history of the world - I can recite dialogue form Gilligan's Island.
And so, I give a little money when I have it.
I vote, I read some, mostly I carry on with the business of living and do my best to make pithy comments when the demons smile at us on the news.
Tin Foil is all I got, I want the smoking gun - I want the damning bit of evidence, vile enough to convert even the dimmest non-thinking evangelical. The thing so horrible even the more minor demons must condemn it and at the last minute set us down another path.
I pray for it, wholeheartedly, with no cynicism - it's that important - at every point since they split the atom we have been inches from hell. I do not want to live on that world, I do not want that to be my inheritance for being a kind, non-violent person.
I am old enough now not to care what anyone thinks, I am just so happy when they do.
I hope the worst is true, and they were behind it all, and most importantly - that they are found out.
I'll keep on praying.