Every Sunday, the Washington Post runs a piece called the Style Invitational. The Style section of the paper is the same one that contains the "Reliable Source" column that we occasionally see quoted here on Kos as well as Doonesbury and the comics.
The Invitational invites Post readers to submit creative answers to a given query. Remember that although the Rethugs control all three branches of government, Washington itself is a very progressive town, and Washingtonians (and suburban Washingtonians) can often be very critical and very cynical about the goings-on in their hometown.
This week's invitational contained suggestions for new cabinet or other government positions. Though the "Empress," who chooses the winners, warned that "some of the Losers [as the participants are called] are perhaps still a wee bit upset in the wake of the presidential election, and when they're upset, they're just NOT SO FUNNY, OKAY?", many of the entries were right on target.
Here are some of the best:
Office of Environmental Improvement: Charged with creating nicer words for pollution. Elevated mercury levels in streams will be called "fast water"; elevated CO2 levels will be called "carbonated air."
Chief Scientist, Division of the Perpendicular Universe: Explores latest scientific advances from a "traditional" perspective, such as erasing national debt through alchemy.
Secretary of Just Us: Seeks to strengthen our nation's approach to foreign policy.
Department of Budgetary Strategy: Will be headed jointly by the Undersecretary for Robbing Peter and the Undersecretary for Paying Paul.
Consumer Product Softly Commission: This office is staffed entirely by self-policing industry members.
Federal Bureau of Instigation: An ongoing commission that meets annually to decide which country to attack next.
Bureau of Taxidermy: This new arm of the Smithsonian will preserve and display species not expected to survive the next four years.
Secretary of HUH (Department of Helping Understand Him): whose job it is to explain what the president means when he says things like "We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end," and "Families is where our nations find hope, where our wings take dream."
Department of Federal Government: The sole Cabinet department remaining after outsourcing.
And finally, my favorite:
Agency of Tactical Intelligence on Rogue Alien Nations (ATAC IRAN): Charged with determining alternative solutions to diplomacy.