Overpriced, and I'm allergic to half the stuff in there.
Reagan didn't magically ride out from the West with a new political philosophy that he talked the American people into backing. A particular kind of conservatism was a rising tide in the 1970s and '80s and he was part of it. He believed in it; in time he became its most persuasive explainer and exhorter, and its natural leader. The meaning of Reaganism bubbled up around him and within him.
-- Peggy Noonan
You may think that I've got something pithy to say about that, or about the especially craptacular essay to which it is attached. Well, I don't, so stop getting your hopes up. Instead, this passage got me thinking about punditry in general, and how, sometimes, it burns through your retinas.
One of the most important qualifications for being a big-time media pundit is the use of metaphor and her cheaper, whorish cousin, simile. No matter how stale, muleheaded, or just plain wrong your opinion is, you too can get a syndicated column in a major paper or pen for a top-notch weekly rag, if you are able to master the art of couching your baseless hypotheses with some halfway decent imagery. First, it allows you to describe your implausible notions in a friendlier, easy-to-digest way. Second, it allows you to pad your stuff out in order to make the word count. Editors are sticklers for that sort of thing.
Yes, you too can be a Peggy Noonan, David Brooks, or, provided you have sold your soul to Satan in exchange for him helping you move an old couch, Ann Coulter. Use this space to practice your own clever political imagery. Especially good contributions will receive accolades, mojo, and possibly a spot on the New York Times editorial page -- we hear there's an opening.
Here, I'll start:
For four years now, Bush administration policies have been stinking up America like a bloated whale carcass washed up onto a beach. On November 2nd, the beachfront voters of America tried to push the corpse back out to sea; alas, the tide was too strong.
Anyone else care to give it a shot? If you need some practice, maybe some people can present some handy starting phrases. Here's a few if you can't think of any:
When Tom Ridge first accepted his post in the Office of Homeland Security, ...
Reading the Washington Times, I am reminded of the time ...
Canada welcomed Bush like ...
And for extra credit:
Dick Cheney is an elusive figure. He ... cheese ... giraffe ... sombrero.
Any takers?