Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes!

"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes!"
Maggie Kuhn

Saw this on a bumper sticker over the holiday, and it got me thinking.  A long-time friend of my family and close friend to my mother sent a Christmas letter praising Bush's re-election.  Frankly, it pissed me off.  The woman has always been kind to my family, but the way she phrased the letter--her joy at his re-election and her desire that we all pray for the safe return of our troops--sent me into a rage.  I asked for help here at dailykos for what I might say if I ran into her over the holiday and got many a great suggestion.  I did not meet her.  I did, however, receive a gift from her for my 1.5 year old son.  I normally send a thank you card whenever I receive a gift from her, and I plan to do so this time.  But after seeing the aforementioned sticker (and calming down a bit), I was thinking I should still say SOMETHING...  But what?  

 Now that I've calmed down a bit, I've decided I don't want to be disrespectful, but from this point forward, I think I need to say something whenever I encounter support for the Commander and Chimp, even if it's a close friend. What should I do?  Give her a website listing Bush's failures?  Quote some founding father about the importance of good leadership?  Send a political cartoon?  I just lack the skill or wit possessed by many of the writers.  I need something that is succinct, respectful, but provokes thought.  I want to get her to think.  I don't want to make her angry.

Any suggestions?

•  A thank you note that might include:

  we certainly share a desire to see our service men and women return home safely; however, unlike you, I have little faith that Mr. Bush will see the error of his ways and change course.

  I donated to ePluribus Media; kindly join me: "I participate therefore I am...."

  by libby on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 09:38:04 PM PDT

•  Tell her...

  I hope that 4 years from now you don't regret that you voted for Bush as much as I regret it today.

  by timerigger on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 09:51:14 PM PDT

•  Thanks

  "Thanks for the gift.  It really suits him.  I just hope he doesn't have to die in a lie-based war one day.  

  By the way, how's the SUV running?

  Love,
  X"

  by HarveyMilk on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 10:04:49 PM PDT

•  I hate it

  so much when people integrate political messages (whether I agree with them or not) in a forum in which they do not belong.  now any reply to her "innocent christmas letter" is an attack on christmas and a politicization of Christmas.  

  I think that what she needs (because it sounds like her political beliefs may not be that deep...) is something showing how strongly you disagree with what she believes-- for you this isn't just something you put in your christmas letter, it's something that effects every facet of your life.  It's my optimistic belief that once people see the virulence of somebody's belief, they re-examine their own.  

  I've no idea how to convey that, however-- I would have already burned her christmas letter and cut off all contact with her family.  

  by skiddie on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 10:17:51 PM PDT

•  At work today

  I heard wingnuts talking about how they avoided their democrat relatives this past year to avoid fighting about the election, but thought it was okay now to visit them.  Do they really think that we will forget that Bushco is destoying our country?

  by daisy democrat on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 10:27:43 PM PDT

•  But whatever you do...

  Don't mix politics and a thank you card. By all means tell her how you feel - honest dialogue is the only way to treat someone you care about, whether as a friend or simply as a cohabitant of this planet - but do such things at the proper time. Send a nice, innocent thank you card to respond to a nice, innocent present. Wait until the next time this comes up to respond, or, if you feel the need to bring it up now, do it in a seperate letter or phone call. Mixing the two would likely appear rude, ruin the sentiment of the thank you card, and blunt the impact of your political argument.

  by ripzaw on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 10:31:29 PM PDT

  •  I agree on this ...

    ... let the thank you stand alone because the gift is an act of kindness and should be acknowledged as such.

    I have run into similar things (at work where someone swiped my "Defend America, Defeat Bush" sticker, for example) and it's hard to know how to respond.  (I hung a sign where my sticker was that said "your actions do not speak well of your or the candidate you support")

    In my heart, I don't think it's possible to change someone's mind by showing them facts.  Because we all know that there are TONS AND TONS of them around and 51% chose to ignore them.  It's all fear based which has no logic so using logic to argue it will get you in a ditch.  

    She does have the right to put her views into her christmas letter even if that's insulting to you.  You can only choose what YOU do - ie: not read it, trash it, write her back etc ... (btw, I think it's a stupid ass thing to include in a christmas letter but it's her letter, you know?)

    This is meandering but my point is - she has the right to say her peace - as do you.  

    Maybe send her something back noting that not everyone shares her rosy view of things and that you are working to help move things forward to a better place and leave it at that.

    by Bexley Lane on Fri Dec 31, 2004 at 05:45:03 AM PDT

•  trying to contain the frustration and anger

  about where this country is headed is extremely difficult- but with patience and a great deal of "acting" skills, i found the best approach is to go armed with facts.  i start off slowly and little by little whittle away at the erroneous suppositions made by the bush supporters.  

  it takes time, but when they are finally turned around (and they CAN be with patience) they make the most ardent democratic supporters!

  try starting with the "big lie" - iraq, saddam and 9/11 are connected.  i gently point out the quote from cheney stating "i don't know where people got that idea!" and bush and rice and powell's statements- often glossed over - saying that iraq did not have weapons of mass destruction and saddam was not connected to the 9/11 attack.  they all said it and the quotes are available in both video format and print.

  start slowly chipping away at the misconceptions - talk about the little black box during the debates and chuckle conspiratorily about it - make it funny but chip away at the credibility - not too much - just a wee bit at a time - and give her the time to digest that she's been lied to.

  make sure you have an answer to any point she brings out - become a walking encyclopedia - by the time you're done - it'll take several months - you can turn her AND her entire family around.

  hitting someone in the early stages with fahrenheit 9/11 doesn't work, but prime them slowly, THEN drop off a copy down the road and be prepared to discuss the salient points (some call you the elite, i call you my base... the secret service turning up at the saudi embassy - ask the question: what is OUR secret service doing guarding THEIR embassy?  i thought they were supposed to be protecting OUR president and OUR vice president!... plant the seeds, sew the seeds of discordant thought and wait.  

  i know - i've turned quite a few family members and friends around.  it takes time - but they sure make great allies in the end - sorta like the ex-smoker who won't let a cigarette within 500 meters of anyone they care about...

  look at this as your ultimate challenge - it is a test.  you can pass it!

  by edrie on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 10:43:02 PM PDT

•  Tell her the truth.

   If Bush gets his way, our troops won't be coming home until the 22nd century. 2104, to be exact. Be sure to thank her for her vote enabling the use of soldiers as moving targets in Iraq.

  by Anderson Republican on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 11:08:55 PM PDT

•  I had a thing like this

    Relatives of my wife who are Republican sent a copy of "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids" to my 13-year old son.  They know we are democrats. And when we are at family gatherings I put my politics aside (I'm too old for those virulent arguments)so the occasion can proceed amicably.  But this seemed kind of creepy to me.  I'm not concerned about my son becoming a citizen of the no-spin zone cause O'Reilly disses Eminem and thus looses all credibility with my son.  I'm not about to try converting the relatives but it might be worth a try.  I did, though, inform my son that Barnes and Noble will gladly exchange the book.

  by slick riddles on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 11:40:15 PM PDT

•  My shaking voice

  Despite voraciously consuming mass quantities of information since the 2000 coronation, availing myself of all possible sources both foreign and domestic, I am muted by the enormity of my passions when faced with the ignorant among us.

  The best response I've come up with is to look at the perp with a bemused expression and say, "Oh [name], you can't be serious!"  Stops them cold - somehow they've been caught with their pants down yet I'm still smiling in a friendly way. Think about it - except for the O'Really types most people feel a sense of shame and immediately grasp onto the cue that they were, after all, just kidding.  

  I admit it's cowardly but it provides a vital element missing in the daily culture these people marinate in...They've been so insulated, so completely immersed in jingoistic surround sound, that this is often their first awareness of genuine shame about supporting Bush.

  I believe most Americans know or at least suspect that things are terribly wrong, but without evidence of alternative viewpoints they have stifled their doubts and compunctions to avoid cognitive dissonance.

  by thecarriest on Fri Dec 31, 2004 at 02:09:10 AM PDT

  •  It's not cowardly at all..

    Sometimes the most effective rebuttal is the simplest. Expressively incredulity in the way you suggest is brilliant. If it is said with authority and goodwill, what more needs to be said? I like it!

    by timerigger on Fri Dec 31, 2004 at 05:32:42 AM PDT

•  You poor thing...

  I really feel bad for you that you even have to think about how to respond.

  First, I would say to be prepared...no matter how gently you say whatever it is you have to say, and even though this woman got political with you, she may take it badly and turn her back on you. Are you willing to risk this outcome? In my opinion, if she really cares about you, she'll be okay with it...if she decides to hate you, what's the big loss?

  As far as a thank you - I'd do the cutesy mom thing. I'd let my child scribble with crayons on paper, and write a "translation" that says thank you for the gift. Then, on a separate adult note-card, I'd write a letter of greeting - saying how nice it was to hear from her and that you're glad things are going well, that her acknowlegdement brightened what's been a dark time for you because you are actually afraid of where the country is headed. You can use the phrase "I've been thinking a lot about what you said about George W. Bush's reelection, and I'm afraid that the more I think about it, the more my own feelings become clear." That way, it will be put into the context that she brought it up.

  Most important, I don't think I would slam her with statistics. At the most, I would point out a website or something - saying, "This is where I get my information, because network news seems too biased to me." I would, however, most certainly point out the way this presidency has affected you - lost job, no healthcare, maybe you know someone who has been sent to war. Maybe you have a close friend or another relative something has happened to. Maybe an African American friend has been disenfranchised somewhere, I don't know. The point is, again, if she cares about you, she should want to know these things, and she just might not be putting two and two together.

  I sort of know where you're coming from. A very dear aunt used to send me all kinds of pro-Bush churchy emails. As someone who was in NYC on 9/11, I was enraged at the emails but not my aunt. I wondered for a long time how I could get them to stop, without hurting her feelings. However, I never had to do anything...because soon enough, her son, my cousin was sent to Iraq as an MP (Bagdad, Fallujah) and never came back for two years. I noticed they trailed off during that period. Although I don't know where her politics lie today, I do know that we still love one another, and that she was never trying to hurt me.

  Hope it helps. Sorry I talk a lot.

  by cais27 on Fri Dec 31, 2004 at 06:46:12 AM PDT

•  Two ideas

  1. Simply send the gift back and tell her you can no longer accept gifts from people who's views are so fundamentally dangerous to our country. Then do not engage her in debate or further contact. It sounds severe, but the only emotion she could experience that would actually rattle her into thinking is actual social rejection.

  2. Short of that, my suggested stopper is: "As of January 20th, you are culpable in every US soldier's death in Iraq." Then refuse to debate any further.

  It's already been well proven that debate and presentation of facts does nothing to make a dent in these people's faith based realities.

  The problem we're all having is that we (as a generality) have a tendency to put a lot of value on logic. They just don't think like that. So our tendency is to simply present them with more logic, and just the right logic, to "provoke thought." But information, no matter how convincing we find it, won't provoke that thought because they have already got a powerful filtering mechanisim firmly in place.

  Don't make her angry. Make her feel unwanted. ONLY the emotion of rejection will rattle her enough for her to reevaluate.

  by kenlac on Fri Dec 31, 2004 at 07:08:42 AM PDT

•  Rage vs. Silence vs. Gentle scolding

  It seems that the various opinions expressed here reflect the same swings that my emotions have been following.  

  Our family has known this woman since I was in elementary school.  She provided a great deal of support to my mother after my father died from cancer.   I think I'm leaning toward the suggestion that I send a simple thank you note and confront her at some future date regarding her political leanings, but I'd still like to write her completely or shake her or something.  

  She's been such a good friend to my mother, it makes it difficult.  
  

  by mrclean on Fri Dec 31, 2004 at 08:08:54 AM PDT