Do you live your life wondering just how scared you should be? Are you never sure about whether your mood should reflect a "guarded" fear, an "elevated" fear, or whether you should simply "cower in the fetal position whilst crying for mommy"? Do you worry about your friends and neighbors making fun of you, or even reporting you to the Government as un-American, because you weren't exhibiting the proper amount of Federally-mandated terror?
Well, no more! Now, thanks to the United States Coast Guard, you, too, can get the up-to-the-minute status of Homeland Security's Terror Alert Level, right on your Internet Explorer Toolbar!
Never not be un-paranoid, again, ever!