Daily Kos

I SLEPT WITH A U.S. SENATOR!

by seriously blown cue

Mon Jul 12, 2004 at 08:18:42 PM PDT

We stared at the glass mirrored ceiling as the bed slowly rotated. I looked out to the Las Vegas skyline.

Mr. Fabulous kicked me.

"What?"

"Let's get married," he said.

"You have me confused with Britney Spears," I replied.

"No, really, let's get married. Right now. We'll go downstairs and get tuxedos and find a chapel," said Mr. Fabulous.

"We can't."

"Why not" he protested. I sauntered to the mini bar.

"The Constitution of the United States says that marraige is between a man and a woman. You'll note that I have a penis. Ergo, no go."

"You're kidding," he said.

"No really, I have a penis, see?"

"I know you have a penis. I mean--"

"You know, you need to do more than read Honcho and watch CNN. Have you ever read the Constitution?"

"I don't read Honcho!" Senator Fabulous exclaimed.

"No one reads Honcho, honey" as I threw the last fifth at his sunburnt head. He wasn't as good looking as Anderson Cooper but I let him drink the milk from my yard, nonetheless.

"Isn't there some state we could go to get hitched?"

"Nope," I said.

"What about Canada, or Amsterdam?" Fabulous protested.

"Amsterdam is a city. not a country, and the United States doesn't recognize same-sex marriages. Stop playing with your penis and open the bottle."

"Turn around" the Senator commanded.

Evidently he wanted to see the ass in staff assistant. "You open it. How the hell did that amendment get passed?"

I opened the fifth and proceeded to drink it.

"It passed because people were too fucking lazy the get up off their asses and contact their senators--not only their senators, but the undecideds and the ones who voted for the amendment.

Meanwhile the 'marriage defenders' contacted their senators and when it was over, proponents of the FMA had outcontacted opponents by a margin of 2 to 1."

"What about the Supreme Court?"

"What about it?"

"Didn't they declare it unconstitutional?"

"The court refused a petition. It's the law of the land. Unless the amendment is repealed, you can't marry me. Why don't you repeal the FMA!"

Fabulous shook his head. "I love you. I do. I love you. But the votes aren't there."

"Exactly," I replied. "Most folks are just too fucking lazy. Like you, for instance. Go order us more alcohol."

Come on you lazy bastards, don't let Senator Fabulous down!

Go to HRC and personalize the email then fill out your contact information and email your senators. Or call your senators and tell them to oppose the FMA. Click at the bottom of the page to get to the hrc's index page, then click under the thermometer

Or better yet, check out Winger's diary below for the list of the undecideds and send out those emails! THIS IS A FEDERAL CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT. THIS COULD BE THE HIGHEST LAW OF THE LAND. CONTACT AN UNDECIDED EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT YOUR CONSTITUENT! winger's diary

Go here to look up any senator you want to contact.

Don't let a bunch of kooks turn a chunk of America into second class citizens! The FMA belongs on the side of the barn in Animal Farm, not in the US Constitution!

THE SENATE VOTES TOMORROW. Get up off your fat ass and contact those senators!

Poll

Did you contact your senators and urge them to oppose the FMA?

66%41 votes
33%21 votes

| 62 votes | Vote | Results

Tags: (all tags) :: Previous Tag Versions

Permalink | 46 comments

  •  Why the hell should I bother ... (none / 0)

    to contact Kit Bond or Jim Talent, both good, fine upstanding Republican Senators from Missouri? They represent me, but they don't represent me.

    (Missouri 2nd Congressional District)

    The Universe is a big place ... perhaps the biggest. -Kilgore Trout

    by fugitive on Mon Jul 12, 2004 at 08:20:25 PM PDT

  •  Wait wait wait (3.25 / 4)

    Joe Lieberman is Gay?

    Shameless Plug: Check out my band Losers of the Year we rock if I do say so myself.

    by DeanDemocrat on Mon Jul 12, 2004 at 08:30:46 PM PDT

  •  Your piece motivated me to call my Senators (4.00 / 2)

    I have already signed petitions for HRC and MoveOn.org but did not call my Senators here in Florida because I know they will vote the right way. Nevertheless, I wanted to let them know I support their position. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) Bill Nelson's voice mail was full and I have to wait until tomorrow to get through to Graham.

    Thanks for the motivation. (And when I refer to your piece, I mean your story)

    I live in my own little world...but it's okay. They know me here.

    by John Campanelli on Mon Jul 12, 2004 at 08:32:30 PM PDT

  •  "I don't read Honcho!" (4.00 / 3)

    "You know, you need to do more than read Honcho and watch CNN. Have you ever read the Constitution?"

    "I don't read Honcho!" Senator Fabulous exclaimed.

     I PEED LAUGHING!!!!!

    www.nornsisland.com

    by n69n on Mon Jul 12, 2004 at 08:42:37 PM PDT

  •  No Need to Contact My Senators (none / 0)

    I pay extra to live in California, where you get better Senators. There is no question which way they'll vote. Hell, we have a republican governor, and even he knows the Hate Amendment is a piece of stinkin discriminatory crap.

    If you live in Kansas or whever, sorry, call your senator NOW.

    The moral arc of the universe is long, but it bends towards justice. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

    by easong on Mon Jul 12, 2004 at 09:07:05 PM PDT

  •  Interesting (none / 0)

    I've been a good girl and sent mail off to Senator Campbell of Colorado, who's got several little polls up to track assorted issues at his site. One is 'Amendment to ban gay marriage.'

    Results of the moment: Yes 20,781; No, 35,533 (37%-63%). Sometimes I really DO have hope for this state.

    by Mercurial on Mon Jul 12, 2004 at 09:11:21 PM PDT

  •  20 lazy voters (none / 0)

    Lazy kos voters.

    Lazy Lazy Lazy.

    Here's an excerpt from my letter.  You can't steal from it.  It's mine mine mine.

    "Though I am not your constituent, I write to urge you to oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment, as your vote will affect all within our nation.

    Throughout the course of my entire life, my life has been enriched and sustained by men and women who were gay, lesbian, or bisexual.  

    (blah blah blah)

    All of these people who have carried me through life, leaving something of them with me as I go on, have as much right to all those little rights and responsibilities that go with saying "I do."  That tax deduction.  That right to custody of one's child.  That privilege that bars compelled testimony in certain judicial proceedings involving married spouses.

    Marriage is not just a moment of joy that commences a journey of mutual commitment.  It is an event that brings with it a host of legal rights and responsibilities that we have deemed critical to the welfare of the parties to matrimony.  

    Those who support the Federal Marriage Amendment should remember that when they enter the Capitol, they do not enter a house of worship.  One's religious beliefs have no place within its halls.  

    The Preamble of the Constitution states that all men are created equal, endowed with inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  The Federal Marriage Amendment makes a mockery of that Preamble.  

    What hubris, to assume that another knows less about love and loss, that another is less capable of the former and suffers less the latter, than the one who would vote in favor of this amendment!

    The Federal Marriage Amendment consigns a group of Americans to second-class citizenship.  It belongs on the side of the barn in Animal Farm, not in our Constitution."

    Oh, crap.

    by seriously blown cue on Mon Jul 12, 2004 at 10:15:04 PM PDT

  •  gotta be Orin (none / 1)

    Not to drag you moral Kossacks into the swamp of conjecture, but there used to be a great pair of sites called "is he or isn't he?" and "is she or isn't she?" I haven't been able to find either of them in a few years. But on the "is he or isn't he" site, there was lots and lots of speculation about old Orrin. Yes, he's married and has five kids. But the guy sings cabaret, looks like a huge queen, and wears those little white collared shirts that just scream "I was a fag in 7th grade." Plus these site boys had heard of friends of friends who knew for a fact etc. (I know, I know--I've met too many gay men who claim to know someone who knows someone who slept with Tom Cruise, Richard Gere etc. etc.) Michaelangelo Signorille has just finally outed Barbara Mikulski (well, duh) but I'm wondering if anybody has any other good senator gossip?

    by Skyresh on Mon Jul 12, 2004 at 10:26:14 PM PDT

Permalink | 46 comments