Replace Obama Now!
Tue Jul 13, 2004 at 09:21:33 AM PDT
I think it's clear Illinois Dem's need to do something dramatic if Mike Ditka were to enter the Senate race.
Clearly the man is a political juggernaut, the type of skilled and practiced debator, reasoned thinker, and crafty communicator who will overwhelm the obvious Democratic advantages in Illinois.
After all, as state Sen. Dave Syverson says. "He's just a decent, ordinary guy that worked hard and wasn't handed anything but made it successful.(sic)"
Leaving aside the grammical error in Syverson's last sentence, he clearly has a point.
Barak Obama is a great candidate, but these are new days and this is no time to leave politics in the clumsy hands of politicians.
We must prepare a list of our most gifted athletes whose skills and hitting, catching, running and throwing (not to mention the intangibles of scratching and spitting) make them the obvious choice to lead our nation in this time of peril.
Therefore, I give you my candidates. Feel free to add your own:
Don Zimmer
A sentimental favorite. Everyone thinks Dusty's the best manager the Cubs have had since Frank Chance, but to me Zim is still the man. His '89 Cubs could hit and run, steal bases, hit for power, pitch and do whatever it took to win. He won two games in a row in Sept. 1989 with 10th inning suicide squeezes, so he's definitely a risk-taker. No namby-pamby IWR votes for him. And as he showed in the playoffs last year, he's still got some fight. And he's clearly not used to winning those fights, so he'll fit right in with Senate Democrats.
Walter Payton
Ditka screwed him in the Super Bowl, letting the circus act of William Perry score a touchdown while denying the classiest Bear ever, so this match-up would be personal. Plus, he's dead, and we've had some luck running dead candidates in the Midwest.
Ryne Sandburg
Perhaps the ultimate Senate Democrat. Brilliant on defense, proven ability to pull out a win even when it would seem the forces of evil have triumphed (June 23, 1984. Hit two, two-out game-tying homers off of the Cardinal's Bruce Sutter, a feat never repeated before or since, a win that propelled the Cubs to their first division title and a game that got me out of going to church.), and despite a modest, winning personality, he's willing to do what it takes to screw over people in the budget process (retired for a year and a half just so his cheating wife couldn't cash in). My personal favorite, but maybe that's because I carry his baseball card in my wallet.
Scottie Pippen
You might think that Michael Jordan would be the more obvious nominee from the Bulls. But Michael hasn't ever shown any interest in politics, and what little he has shown (stiffing Harvey Gant in '96 for example) doesn't look good for our side. Pip though was always an underrated player and would sneak up on Ditka as election day (if we have one) drew near. No doubt he'd campaign the same way he played defense, ferocious, in-your-face and tireless. Known to drive around with a gun on the front seat, so maybe he'd pull some downstate NRA votes. Of course, he might flake out and withdraw only 1.8 seconds before the polls open.
Permalink | 45 comments