Why I Can't Wait for the Republican Convention

Ah, it's summer in America, and the smell of flop sweat is in the air.  Confidence in Chimpy McFlightsuit is dwindling, and the Republicans are getting desperate and angry.

My favorite part of this is when the real wingnuts start screaming at the moderates.  Here's one example of a wingnut complaining about the lineup of speakers at the Republican National Convention:

"The initial lineup was (New York Gov. George) Pataki, (California Gov. Arnold) Schwarzenegger, (former New York Mayor Rudolph) Giuliani and a bunch of pro-homosexual, pro-abortion people who we don't like and are, at heart, really Democrats," said Colleen Parro, director of the Republican National Coalition for Life.

Yes, that's the spirit.  Tell the moderates in your party that they aren't true members of the party.  Even though they run the party:

"The people who run the party and are deciding the lineup, the big-moneyed, Republican Rockefeller kind of people, don't represent the grassroots of the party."

For example, Gov. Bill Owens, who was elected co-chairman of the national platform committee.  He runs the party, but he is clearly not a true Republican, because he and his wife are separated:

"Owens has left the conservative team," said Dave Crater, a delegate from El Paso County.

"As an example of a pro-family leader, I think he needs to focus on maintaining the integrity of his marriage," Kendal Unruh, a delegate from Castle Rock, said about Owens' separation from his wife, Frances.

Absolutely, because as I think we all know:

"The Scripture is very firm about not being able to trust someone who is involved in different areas of lifestyle. I feel that's part of who the governor is," said delegate Flora Rohrs, a housewife from Centennial.

Well said!  You could be a preznent, if only you were a Bush.  We need more governors who take multiple wives and stone the ones who turn out not to be virgins.

So, to recap: The conservatives, who are the only real Republicans, are angry with the moderate Republicans, who aren't really Republicans, although they run the party.  They're trying to destroy the party they don't belong to from within, by doing terrible things like appealing to less conservative voters:

As at every GOP convention in recent history, conservatives aim to fiercely protect the party's official opposition to abortion. Many worry that party brass will try to change that position to appeal to moderate, swing voters thought to be vital for Bush's re-election.

Oh, why are they doing that?!  They're going to ruin our party, just like the country club was ruined when they started letting in the hornbeaks.

And the grassroots faithful aren't alone in their righteous anger: 125 Republicans in Congress sent a letter to Bush complaining about how horribly moderate the key speakers are.

Gosh, it's going to be a fun convention.

•  Convention hopes

  I will be extremely pleased to see Republicans screaming at each other.  Work all that fear and anxiety out in a burst of righteous screaming at people who are different.

  Similarly, Republicans are hoping and praying for frightening news footage of Kerry-sticker-wearing protesters screaming, breaking windows, generally desecrating 9/11, etc.  It's been widely mooted that republican goon squads are going to be amongst those protesters doing their best to spark ugly scenes.

  by Chrisbuss on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 11:44:50 AM PDT

•  I knew this

  was going to happen. 40% of the GOP is fundies who think that they are entitled to everything. I'm left wondering how many of these people will stay home.

  by Ga6thDem on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 11:45:14 AM PDT

•  Splits

  We complain about the DLC and Kos and the DCCC get spatty occassionally, but we've got nothing like the life-or-death rifts in the Republican coalition. I wish Kerry would roll back all the Bush tax cuts but I'm not gonna go all Club For Growthy on his ass if he doesn't. I wish he'd pull out of Iraq, but I'm not going to call him a "Republican at heart" if he doesn't.

  by Jumbo on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 11:59:06 AM PDT

  •  Right.

    Because Kossacks have never gone rounds about who's a "real" Democrat and who isn't...

    by pastordan on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 01:11:33 PM PDT

•  I'm with you, deminva

  I can't wait.  I think it's going to get very ugly, both inside and out.  We're going to see the GOP self-destruct right in front of us.

  by strannix on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 12:52:41 PM PDT