How can a straight male be a feminist and gay rights activist?

I posted this on my blog a little while ago, but I thought it would make a fitting diary for this site as well.  I just created my blog a few days ago and have very few readers, so I thought I'd see what the response is where it may actually get read by a few people who hate sleep as much as i do.

I'm often amused by the questions that people who know me ask. Usually it's a response to my position on a particular topic that we happen to be talking about when they can't understand how I could possibly take the position I take. Usually the spoken question is something along the lines of "Are you gay?". I sometimes have a hard time not laughing out loud when people ask me this. I tend to think they just haven't ever been exposed to a single, white male who is both a feminist and a gay-rights proponent.

For the record, I am not gay. I am a straight, single, 30 year old male and chances are nothing will ever change that. I've been to gay clubs, been hit on by gay men, but have never even considered the idea of having a relationship, let alone sex, with another man. I once had a guy grab my dick, but it freaked me out so much that the only response I could think of was to pull away and say, "dude, I'm in the military". I laugh now, but apparently he got the hint I wasn't interested and left me alone. Of all the stupid things I've done in my life, that's up there with the best of them. No, you're not getting details of that encounter. At least not here...

But the truth is, I am a big proponent of many feminist and gay issues. In fact, I can't think of any feminist or gay issue that I'm opposed to. We're all human beings, and I can't bring myself to condemn a person for being who they are. I could never suggest to a woman that she deserves less money just because she's female, or that I have a right to tell her what to do with her body. By the same token I could never tell a man that he is less than me because I think he's fallen in love with someone I think he shouldn't be in love with. It's not up to me to decide, and it sure as hell isn't up to someone in an office in Washington D.C. to decide.

It's all about respect. I do everything within my power to respect someone until I have a reason not to. When I meet you, I don't look down on you, and I don't look up to you. You are a person, just the same as I am. No better, no worse. Now you may prove me wrong and I'll change my opinion, but that takes a little time for me to make that decision.

In almost all cases when I don't like a person it's because that person has said something to me that I feel is bigoted, discriminating, racist, or otherwise hateful. I despise discrimination in all of its forms. People who would gives rights to one group of people while withholding them from another group are disgusting in my eyes. I see no reason why women should not have the same pay, privileges and luxuries as men. I see no reason why gay couples should not have the same rights as straight couples.

But what it all boils down to is one very simple thing. I do not let religious ideals cloud my judgment of the people I meet in every day life. I'm not a religious person and I have no problem saying that. There is no invisible man in the sky telling me that love between two people is wrong just because they happen to be the same sex. There is no god telling me that life begins at conception, and I don't believe in the concept of a "soul" that survives after our death.

What we've got to work with is the here and now. I don't have the time to worry about what some guy who lived 2000 years ago thinks about me. All I can do is make the best of what is in front of me, and that's how I approach each day. The rules set before me aren't always good rules, and I'm not going to choose to follow rules that I think are wrong, especially when they take power away from one individual and give it to another.

That means a woman's right to an equal wage and the right to control her own body is exactly the same as a man's right to choose what happens to his body and his right to an equal wage. Remember, it's not just women earning less money, but racial minorities are earning less money as well. It's not just women who have to fight for the right to choose what is best for their bodies and lives, but a lot of gay men are fighting for the same right to do what they want with their own bodies.

It's all about the words "with liberty and justice for all" and that's where the discussion ends. Those words mean so much to me. Each person, regardless of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or whatever, is to be judged as an equally acceptable human being. End of story, no ifs, ands, or buts to be declared. There are no exceptions in those words. Liberty and Justice for All. To me, there's nothing left to say.

•  To answer your question

  more succinctly--by being a decent human being first and foremost.

  Good diary. I appreciated it a lot.

  by incertus on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 02:04:11 AM PDT

•  put out the tip jar

  nice post, is worth some mojo
  

  by ziggy on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 02:35:52 AM PDT

•  Great diary

  Here's what cause another straight male to become an activist for GLBT rights:

  A few years ago, my then-husband Ali and a coworker were viciously attacked by young men out celebrating a night on the town by "gay bashing." They found Ali and Michael walking to their cars together after work, and began screaming that they'd caught "queers."

  Ali and Michael were beaten and knifed for more than an hour and a half in a residential neighborhood. The police recorded nearly 50 calls to 911 during that time, but instead of responding directly, they decided to "cordon off the area," explaining later that they were awaiting a "special unit trained to deal with blood."

  Finally the police closed in when one of the assailants hijacked a taxicab and escaped. The police arrested four of the attackers as well as both Ali and Michael, whom they took directly to the police station (not the hospital, which was half a block away) and charged them with public brawling.

  The four assailants that they caught were taken back to the officers' desks and questioned. They were offered coffee and water, while Ali and Michael were handcuffed to a wooden bench in the lobby. After a couple of hours, Ali was allowed to call me. When I got there, blood was pooling all the way across the hallway, and Michael was only barely conscious.

  I cried out, and an officer barked, "Who are you, and what are you doing here?" When I told him that I was Ali's wife, the police officers' demeanor changed immediately. They uncuffed the two of them, took them to the hospital, and -- without further ado -- charged the four attackers with attempted murder. (Each of them was eventually sentenced to 10 years in prison.  Would they have had prison sentences at all if Ali and Michael were "proven" to be gay?)

  As one of the attackers was led past us to a cell, he turned and shrugged apologetically at Ali and Michael. "Hey, sorry about that, guys. We thought you were gay."

  In the days and weeks that followed, Ali was asked a kabillion times, "Why didn't you tell them you weren't gay?" And he answered, "If I did that, I was telling them that someone other innocent person deserved to die more than I did."

  That's why he participated in gay-pride rallies: to celebrate civil rights and human rights, and to make the statement that safety from assault and murder should not be a right afforded exclusively to heterosexuals.
  

  by MsSpentyouth on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 05:01:48 AM PDT

  •  Wow

    what a horrible but uplifting story.  I'm really glad you shared it.  Stories like yours are what disturb me the most about our society, but the fact that there are such brave souls out there really gives strength to my own beliefs.

    by Lipo on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 05:43:00 AM PDT

  •  my god

    In which city did this happen? That's horrible! I hope Michael and Ali filed complaints of some sort about their mistreatment at the hands of the police.

    by pine on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 08:27:07 AM PDT

    •  Believe it or not ...

      ... it was the friendly city of Minneapolis.

      by MsSpentyouth on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 08:54:42 AM PDT

•  Tip Jar

  since it was asked for

  by Lipo on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 05:40:21 AM PDT

  •  Have a 4!

    Always willing to send mojo to gay rights supporter! I know quite a few straight guys that are willing to go the extra mile to help gay activism... and its very much appreciated!

    by wmandevi on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 06:00:46 AM PDT

•  by being a mensch?

  No man is an island, entire of itself
  every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main
  if a clod be washed away by the sea,
  Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were,
  as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were
  any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind
  and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls
  it tolls for thee.

  by admadm on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 06:43:07 AM PDT

•  An answer to your question...

  Love.

  by Dmitri in San Diego on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 07:00:15 AM PDT

•  recognizing privilege

  i still think it's important to note your privileges as a straight white male and how you are implicated in the system even if you yourself think you're not sexist, homophobic, etc. Larry Kramer wrote a nice screed in one of his book about how all heterosexuals were responsible for the AIDS crisis and holocaust in the gay communnity. tough reading if you're a straight person and thinking you're one of the "good guys," but as a minority who thinks white people are racist by virtue of their position in a racist system they cannot escape, i understood exactly what he was talking about. Malcolm X once said something about how white people could help us, but they could never join us. On one of my minority yahoogroups, a liberal white woman who believes all the same stuff as you do has shown up and now started to dominate the discussion. i'm sure she means well, but it's sure irritating that one of my few safe havens to discuss race  candidly, away from white people, has now been taken away and now i have to start censoring myself once again so i won't offend the white liberal who so wants to be "on my side".

  by ihlin on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 08:19:10 AM PDT

  •  Whose side am I supposed to be on?

    I didn't write this to take anybody's side, so I'm sorry to dissapoint you if I don't agree with your position.  I wrote this to explain how I, as a straight, white male, can agree with many feminist issues and many gay rights issues.  Yes, I also agree with a number of minority issues, but I never once said I was taking sides on any of them.

    Let me put it another way.  I ended my post by saying that the most important words I ever learned are "with liberty and justice for all".  That's it.  That's what matters.  What don't you get about this?

    I don't care if you want to discuss racial issues in a yahoo group.  I don't care if Betty Bowers feels the need to invade upon your privacy.  I'm neither supporting nor opposing your agenda.  I'm saying that I believe you have the same rights as I do, regardless of what Zell Miller or Rick Santorum says.

    I'm saying that I don't give a damn if you fuck box turtles.  After all, they are kinda cute.  I'm saying that you are the same as me, and neither is better than the other unless we prove otherwise.  Is that so difficult to understand?

    Maybe for some people it is.  I hope it isn't but perhaps even in progressive circles inequality is an issue we need to get past.  My point and post has nothing to do with my being straight, white, or male.  It has to do with equality, and if you're going to shit on the people who believe in equality you've got a very long struggle ahead of you.

    That's all I have to say, damnit.

    by Lipo on Sun Sep 12, 2004 at 09:16:43 AM PDT