From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
While we're gone: a checklist...
You'll find bags of peas to flick in the pantry. Do not flick frozen ones as we're not current on our liability insurance.
I've marked the Bacardi levels with a magic marker, so don't even think about it.
When you Cheer, extend your pinky. When you Jeer, expose your tuckus.
Remember, with Kos at the forefront of the Jeff Gannon scandal, we're getting a lot of attention from the shithead knuckledraggers in the pathetic mainstream media. So keep it respectful in here. "Stay classy, San Diego."
Take your meds!
If there's one dirty dish in the sink when I get back... (do I really need to finish that statement?)
Polish the Koufax Award daily with Kleen `n' BriteTM
And remember...when the right-wing nutjobs pull a knife, you pull a gun. When they send one of us to the hospital, you send one of them to the morgue. That's the Cheers and Jeers way!
You guys are great. And I know C&J is in good hands. [Gulp]
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Entry section... [Swoosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 24, 2005...
By the Numbers:
Days `til the Oscars: 3
Days `til Martha Stewart gets out of jail: 10
Days `til `Star Wars Episode III---Revenge of the Sith': 84
Oscar nominations for composer John Williams since 1967: 43 (5 wins)
Odds that the Best Picture Oscar winner will also receive an award for Best Director: 71%
(Source: RogerEbert.com)
Average time spent on foreign policy during an average half-hour local newscast: 38 seconds
(Source: Time magazine)
CHEERS to the blog award you might have missed. Freelance journalist Kevin Sites won the first Blogger trophy from Wired magazine for his outstanding posts from Iraq and tsunami-ravaged Asia: http://www.kevinsites.net. You mean you can actually do this stuff from somewhere other than the basement?
CHEERS to Time magazine's "Blogwatch": Kos and Americablog get props for exposing the "mysterious tale of Jim Guckert." http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1029840,00.html. But c'mon, editors, let's bump this story up next week to a space larger than a matchbox.
JEERS to sleazy tactics. Anti-gay Maine State Representative Brian Duprey wants abortion outlawed...because of the sexual orientation of the fetus. It forces progressives to choose between two causes they champion...and of course he got the idea from Rush Limbaugh: http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/news/statehouse/050224bill.shtml. May a Moose take a dump on your lawn jockey.
JEERS to No Child Left Behind. A bipartisan panel studied Bush's unfunded mandate and has deemed it "a convoluted and unconstitutional education reform initiative that has usurped state and local control of public schools": http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/213387_educ24.html. The first thing that popped into our head: Howard Dean was right...again.
CHEERS to going out in style. According to his attorney, Hunter S. Thompson wanted his cremains to be shot out of a cannon at his Colorado ranch. An end as gonzo as his writing.
JEERS to going out like a heartless bastard. What the...?? Hunter S. Thompson shot himself in the head with a 45-calibre pistol while he was on the phone with his wife?? What a gonzo ass.
JEERS to taking your ball and going home. No, really. That's what Bush literally did as a child when he was losing a game: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7017489/. Today he just invades a country to make his ego boo-boo all better (but the other children still hate you).
CHEERS to the AARP. Their latest full-page anti-Social-Security-gutting ad is blanketing the print media, and the headline is dandy: "If you have a problem with the sink, you don't tear down the entire house." Let's toss that one into the talking points hopper, shall we?
JEERS to really crappy odds. On February 24, 1836, 3,000 Mexicans attacked 182 Texans at the Alamo: http://www.americanwest.com/pages/alamo.htm. The only person to escape was David Bowie, who immortalized the event in his hit, "Ground Control to Major Tom." Hey...that's how I remember it.
JEERS to sicko first ladies. If Laura was in Alabama, they'd lock her up for this (thanks for the link, histopresto): http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/050223/ids_photos_wl/r629902145.jpg. You need a "golden ancient AC adaptor" to go with that, ma'am?
CHEERS to the rocky, turbulent Maine Coast. Especially as depicted by artist Winslow Homer, born on this date in 1836: http://www.loftcam.com/homer.html. Best way to enjoy his work: indoors with a bowl of clam chowder and a hot toddy.
CHEERS to the guy everyone thinks is dead. Happy Birthday, Abe Vigoda! The Barney Miller and Godfather star (and long-time New York Friar's Club member) turns 84 today. His status looks good for the celebration: http://www.abevigoda.com/. Forgive our snark, Tessio..."it's just business."
C&J Flashback: February 24, 2004...
CHEERS to Mardi Gras. The one day of the year you have total permission to get stone drunk at lunchtime, then come back and strip in front of the board of directors. Trust me...as long as you toss some beads at `em, you're covered. [2/24 Update: Our apologies to the handful Kossacks for whom this didn't quite turn out to be true. I'll be happy to proof your résumés.]
JEERS to Pentagon waste. Development of the Comanche helicopter has been scrapped. Price tag thus far: $8 billion. Plus (I kid you not) a $2 billion "cancellation fee." I love it when they throw my tax dollars out the window in nice even numbers.
And just one more:
CHEERS to the big surprise. Yesterday C&J won a Koufax Award for Best Series. I've waited 14 months to say this: I am Ashton Kutcher. And you've been Punk'd!!!
We'll see ya back here March 9th (good lord willing and the crick don't rise). Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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