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After reading Ann Coulter's latest "article", which makes a downright acrobatic attempt to somehow blame Gannon/Guckert on the Democrats,
I once again was forced to wonder what kind of "article" she might write if it was discovered, irrefutibly, that George Bush had finally gone and done something so horrible, that it could no longer be denied. Like if he ate a baby.

Would Ann finally have to admit that the mighty teat she's been suckling the sustenance from for oh so long, had finally gone and dried up? Would she realize that all this time she's been shilling her integrity away for a madman? Or would she simply belly up to the keyboard and pen something like this:  

Article below the fold

Oh Baby
by Ann Coulter

 Well can you believe the latest tizzy the left has gotten itself into since it was discovered recently, that the President was discovered to have allegedly feasted on the flesh of an infant?
The liberal press has attempted once again to create a firestorm of controversy by taking facts out of context and twisting the story to suit it's own devious purposes.
All of this comes as no surprise, but it is still hard to stomach the manufactured outrage coming from a democrat party that we all know has no love lost between itself and infants.
These advocates of on-demand abortion and second chance contraception have suddenly, in light of recent events, decided that miraculously, they now wish to (gasp) defend children from those who would wish to dine on their tender young carcasses.  Where were they when the battle over the Lacy Peterson law (making the willful destruction of a fetus equal to the crime of murder) was being fought in the trenches? I'll tell you where they were. Right smack dab in the center of the pity pot, as the federal courts decided that democrats would finally be forced to remove thier filthy child-murdering hands from the the money pot of abortion clinics and womens health advocate groups that council women to murder their babies.
Make no mistake, they are hypocrites, one and all.
It is amazing how indignant the left has now become, now that they have realized what a political windfall they can reap from this overblown, overhyped controversy.

The fact is, that liberal pundits like C. Everett Coop and Howard Dean, Socialist movements such as the A.M.A and the Department of Children and Family Services, and all the other liberal scum who have conveninetly decided to blatantly grandstand, distorting the facts in this case so shamelessly, are all just further proof that the left will stop at nothing in their scrurrilous and desperate attempt to reclaim lost power.

The President ate a baby. So what? If my President decides he has developed a taste for baby food, who am I to judge? So conveniently we forget how many children have been saved by the policies of George Bush. If the Democrats had been in power, surely the child that the president ate would have been left behind, caught up in the twisted maze of bureaucracy and red tape of the Democrats tax and spend reality that would be our school system were it left to them to destroy.

 In the Op-Ed page of the liberal New York Times, Maureen Dowd brazenly lied, saying that "George Bush has taken away a life filled with unbound potential". As we are all aware of by now, the President  has made it clear that he went to great pains to eat a baby that was already terminally ill. That baby was officially diagnosed to have no more than three years left in it's life. There was no unbound potential there, a fact that when the light is shown upon it, suddenly makes Ms. Dowds house of cards collapse like Max Cleland without a wheelchair.
It has also been reported on Fox News's Hannity and Colmes, that the infant now known as 'Baby P',was a distant cousin of none other than Sheik Mohummed Ali Karzakistan, which is a very terrorist sounding name, wouldn't you agree?

In fact, it does not take a very big stretch of the imagination to realize that it is quite possible that the baby the President found fit for consumption, had it lived, could have one day grown up to become the most horrible dictator known to mankind. Whoever can prove to me that it wouldn't have been, I'll spend three weeks on my knees with showing my undying gratitude to.
No, folks. Sorry. Nothing to see here. I know that Al Franken, Micheal Moore and those pajama-clad losers at Daily Kos will be disappointed to once again come up short, but it is time for the left to finally realize that they are all but mere mortals in the presence of George Bush, who is himself of the flesh of the holy and the almighty. I sure know that I would be honored to be eaten by a man of such faith.
George Bush truly works in mysterious ways, but we must never forget that he is always motivated by his vision for the betterment of mankind. To his critics I say to you, If eating a baby is what it's going to take to improve mankind and reclaim this land from the liberal fascists of the world who wish to destroy her, I say, "pass the butter Mr. President".

Originally posted to Brian Nowhere on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 03:04 PM PST.

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Comment Preferences

  •  BWAHAHAHAHA (none)
    This is great!

    There are bagels in the fridge

    by Sychotic1 on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 03:04:28 PM PST

  •  very funny (none)
    stuff; reminds me of Swift's "A Modest Proposal"
  •  Aye (4.00)
    Baby!  The other, Other white meat!


    Mike Myers

  •  Somewhere, (none)
    Jonathan Swift is smiling.

    Freedom does not march.

    by ex republican on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 03:07:24 PM PST

  •  Yack (4.00)
    That is too good. Well done, you sick son of a bitch.

    Anything by Loudon Wainwright III

    by Earl on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 03:10:50 PM PST

  •  Speaking of Parody (4.00)
    Anybody seen this version of the Bush White House as a parody of Faulkner's Sound and Fury?  It is too funny.  Here's a snippet:

    "He needs his makeup," Dick said.

    "I'll do it," Condi said. She put a little brush on my check and it tickled and I laughed.

    Rummy walked into the room. "Jesus, what's he laughing about," Rummy said.

    "Dont you pay attention to him, Georgie," Dick said. "They're going to be asking you all about Social Security. You just remember what we talked about."

    "He cant remember anything," Rummy said.

    I started to holler. Dick's face was red and he looked at Rummy. "I told you to hush up already," Dick said. "Now look what you've gone and done."

    Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

    by johnny rotten on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 03:16:24 PM PST

    •  other Coulter responses (4.00)
      It's a proven fact Liberals have advocated making babies an essential part of a healthy diet for years. Now that a Republican has actually taken them up on the advice, they want to stand up and whine about it. Hipocrites!

      Even our Baby eaters are still more morally acceptable than liberals who claim to have never done it.

      Bush has only been proven to eat one baby. Is this all the liberals could come up with, that the President ate one tiny little baby--once? Leave it to them to nit pick at the Commandor and Chief.

      25 page views a day since yesterday The Tom Joad Society

      by TheChanMan on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 04:44:50 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Made me nauseated... (4.00)
      probably too close to the truth for comfort...
  •  Great Job (4.00)
    Please tell me you are not really Mann Coulter Brian. Get over here and let me check that adams apple NOW!!!!
  •  anne coulter (2.00)
    just needs to be ** in the ass.  Read all
    possible meanings into that.
  •  Oh me my... (none)
    That was so well done it was not funny, if you know what I mean...
  •  Anne? (none)
    Is that you?  

    Oh, my sides!  I was torn between laughing and thinking, it's exactly what the bitch would say.  

    Arrogant lips are unsuited to a fool-- how much worse lying lips to a ruler - Proverbs 17:7

    by Barbara Morrill on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 03:39:10 PM PST

  •  Beware the Frumious Coultersnatch (none)
    On account she eats babies. :)
  •  Nothing (none)
    like a good laugh at the Dkos neighborhood. Thanks for the hoot. Good way to end an otherwise drab day.

    The more understanding one posesses, the less there is to say and the more there is to do.

    by Alohaleezy on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 03:48:59 PM PST

  •  How Would We Know??? (4.00)

    For all that we know, President Bush dines regularly on the flesh of infants.

    If that were true, how would we know?

    If it were captured on videotape, it would be denounced as a forgery.

    If there were abundant circumstantial evidence, such as (let's say) a PNAC document, signed by many of the president's advisors, saying that only a leader gorging on human flesh could be relied upon to lead America into the new vistas of global domination,

    and a lot of kids turned up missing in and around Crawford, Texas;

    and so on and so on, well then they would appoint a group of cannibals in expensive suits to review the evidence, and they would find the disgusting allegations against the Dear Leader to be utterly unfounded.

    and if they foudn a heap of little kids' bones in the president's closet, it wouldn't even be on TV.  Not a story, folks.  Michael Jackson!  Laci Peterson!  Gays Threatening to Seduce Your Husband!

    "I did not like fascists when I fought them as a diplomat . . . and I don't like them now in my own country." (Joe Wilson)

    by proudtinfoilhat on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 03:51:03 PM PST

    •  Plus, it would be Clinton's fault, and (none)
      the baby was poor anyway (his rich OBL relatives being unreachable in Syria or such)....

      ...the White House will be adorned by a downright moron...H.L. Mencken

      by bibble on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 05:38:38 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  That's enough proof for me (none)
      that bush eats babys!
    •  Metaphorically speaking (4.00)
      I think we could make the case that Bush does in fact dine on babies.

      As he continues to push the horrid agenda that further divides the haves and have-nots, isn't that really what he's doing?  Stocking his own larder (and those of his friends) at the expense of nearly everyone else?

      Imagine a child born to an under-educated mother [Bush edumacation plan] in a generic small town somewhere [which has been screwed by a corporate FOB].  Husband dies, but there's no longer a Social Security or other government program to help support her.  

      Mom is unable to find work [the oil rigs in the old town square replaced all the stores, and they aren't hiring] and support her family, so the child cannot get proper food and medical attention because there is no longer the system of government safety nets that decent humans [you know, like you and me] recognize is their basic responsibility to their neighbors.  Child dies of illness before age 2.

      Bush and his friends still live well, metaphorically feasting on the flesh of the innocent.

      "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good enough for us." - former Texas Governor Miriam Ferguson, on barring foreign language teaching

      by JT88 on Sat Feb 26, 2005 at 06:16:08 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  take a 4... (none)
    and a "recommend." This is even funnier than my uproarious satire from last month, "If the Senate Debated Basic Arithmetic."

    (Ain't too proud to whore myself... ;-P)

    ...Freedom is on the march. Straight to the gas chamber. this is infidelica...

    by snookybeh on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 04:08:14 PM PST

  •  I can't stop laughing! <tears dripping> n/t (none)

    My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

    by kfred on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 04:10:31 PM PST

  •  and by the way... (none)
    I still say Ann is really an Andrew.

    Whoever can prove to me that she isn't, I'll spend three weeks... oh, never mind. ;-)

    ...Freedom is on the march. Straight to the gas chamber. this is infidelica...

    by snookybeh on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 04:10:50 PM PST

    •  You are right (none)
      Did you ever see her hands and arms. In my experience you can always tell transexuals by the hands and arms. Hers resemble a man. She also tries too hard to flirt and be sexy. Maybe we should act ala Rove and start this rumor, who knows it might just be true.
      •  I took a look (none)
        You're right. Those hands were a man's before they were a woman's. The jaw line gives it away too.
        The point though, do we want to take her down as transgendered, or just a rightwing a**hole? If the TG thing comes up at all (no pun intended), it has to be in reference to hypocrisy.

        I may grow older, but I refuse to grow up!" my mom

        by SF Bay on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 06:32:45 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  It is not about the transgender thing. (none)
          It is all about, she is so disengenious, even about her sex. Is she a man, or is she a woman? She lies about everything. David Corn caught her numerous times in outright lies. I also wonder how quickly her beloved right wing evangelicals would buy her books if the truth were to be known. She raked Clinton over the coals way too much to be a woman. One has to wonder why the hell she is so full of hate, it all makes sense.
      •  No Rumor Please! (none)
        we have plenty of real things to attack her on, don't attack the transgendered too.  I feel very strongly about this, but I don't want to subject you to a long rant, so instead I'll point you to lilithvf1998's excellent diary on the subject.

        "I'm going to dance the dream, and make the dream come true." -Kate Bush

        by ellisande on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 06:59:25 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  Only Her Hairdresser Knows For Sure! :o) n/t (none)

      When the PEOPLE lead, the LEADERS follow!

      by mlkisler on Sat Feb 26, 2005 at 12:13:58 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  It's amazing what you can find on google (4.00)
  •  You just know (none)
    She's copy, cut, pasting this bad boy right now.  

    Smoke the holy chalice, got my own religion...

    by fabooj on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 04:26:01 PM PST

  •  This is hilarious! (none)
    I laughed so hard my assistant came into my office to see if I was alright!

    "Our particular principles of religion are a subject of accountability to God alone."--Thomas Jefferson

    by hopesprings on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 04:34:14 PM PST

  •  Channelling the Ann Coulter Demon postscript: (3.88)
    What the liberals also forget to mention, is that the child was part of the President's very important "Leave No Child Left Behind (On Our Dinner Plates)" initiative.

    Eating children who test poorly will improve our schools! Why do liberals hate our children?

    "Think. It ain't illegal yet." - George Clinton

    by jbeach on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 04:34:57 PM PST

  •  This is probably (none)
    the most effective critique of the right wing's response to the Guckert situation I've seen yet.

    It makes a nice partner for Sullivan's ridiculous emission of today's date.  Really, the parallels between the two articles are uncanny.

    Nice job, Brian Nowhere.  You've really highlighted the festering hypocrisy of right wing propagandists with this essay.  And of course let us not forget that right wing propagandists, given that they are in fact at the very epicentre of the whole Guckert affair, are hardly going to take our investigations lying down.  It is fun to watch the contortions they have to go through in order to make a case in defence of Guckert -- which of course they are obliged to do, given that they're essentially defending their own selves by extension.

    Recommending, because I think this is just such an effective method of shining a light on why they're so WRONG to defend this.

  •  Nicely done. Still chuckling. I found ... (4.00)
    ...this line from the real Ann's column quite remarkable, coming just after she called Dowd a liar:

    Almost anyone can get a daily pass ...

  •  Well, I gave him my baby to kiss (4.00)
    ...and he bit it on the head

    (I don't like the sound of these boncentration bamps)

    This machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender.

    by RabidChild on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 04:53:22 PM PST

  •  From Billmon (4.00)

    Rolfyboy6 -Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. - Mark Twain

    by Rolfyboy6 on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 05:17:25 PM PST

  •  it's ann (4.00)
    "Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that dyspeptic, old Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the president."

    right... she has terrible credentials to be there... she's only covered every president in my lifetime

    •  Can't wait until Anne Coulter (4.00)
      becomes old and shriveled herself (which is inevitable)--she will have not have an iota of that inner light of love and wisdom that makes older people beautiful--she'll be like Nora Desmond.

      ...the White House will be adorned by a downright moron...H.L. Mencken

      by bibble on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 05:44:33 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Helen Thomas (4.00)
      She has covered every president since Lincoln. The Lady is a national treasure.

      The present administration is rolling back the Great Society, the New Deal, the Enlightenment, and the Renaissance.

      by JohnInWestland on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 06:11:29 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I long for the day once again when a president (none)
        comes up to the lecturn at the White House Press Room smiles winningly at the camera and one and all--and then visibly gathers himself and says the words of doom: "Mrs. Thomas?"

        "Yes Mr. President, Some have suggested that Mr. Piney Podunk was appointed to the National Labor Relations Board without any apparent qualifications and is there merely to pay off a political favor. What I'd like to know is....."

        The real Dean of the Press Corp.

        Some months ago a few of us composed an email on a tough political question for the President and (never believing we'd get a response) sent it to Helen Thomas. Within one hour we recieved the laconic one line response from her : "He won't call on me. Regards. H. T."

        Rolfyboy6 -Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. - Mark Twain

        by Rolfyboy6 on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 11:25:53 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  no comment (none)
    "(Also unlike Raines, Rather and Jordan, Gannon has appeared on TV and given a series of creditable interviews in his own defense, proving our gays are more macho than their straights.)"
  •  more baby eating stuff (none)
    remember this ?
    "the dingo ate my baby!"

    Freedom does not march.

    by ex republican on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 05:36:55 PM PST

  •  Please... (none)
    never ever ever link to the harpy's picture.  I beg of you.
  •  If Bush ate a baby... (none)
     And I'm not saying he did,it would be Clintons fault. And besides, Clinton ate babys every day.

    The present administration is rolling back the Great Society, the New Deal, the Enlightenment, and the Renaissance.

    by JohnInWestland on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 05:55:15 PM PST

  •  You forgot to mention... (none)
    ... it wasn't even an American baby, so why should anyone care?

    "The man of great wealth owes a peculiar obligation to the State, because he derives special advantages from the mere existence of government" - Teddy Roosevelt

    by mrboma on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 06:01:19 PM PST

  • know (none)
     I bet W could be a three term pres.Oh the headlines....
  •  babies (4.00)
    ANN: Look, advancements in fetal testing can show us which babies are going to grow up to be gay, and the baby the president ate displayed a genetic tendency to being a gay person. And so, the president was doing the baby a favor by ending its miserable, godless life, and he also is doing society a favor by eliminating one homosexual.

    CANADIAN INTERVIEWER: but, you said that being gay was a choice.

    ANN: Er, uh, let me get back to you on that.

  •  This is really funny... (none)
    But it's also half-scary, you sounded just like that shill.  It's hilarious, though - love it!

    "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin

    by The Peanut Gallery on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 07:21:10 PM PST

  •  It's getting so the only way (4.00)
    to protect our children is to wrap them in the flag...oh wait, the republican's are already doing least after they come home in a box...

    I freakin' told ya...Mermaids DON'T sneeze.

    by PBJ Diddy on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 07:23:32 PM PST

  •  That is brilliantly frightening. (none)
    That Coulter would drag the issue round to abortion at the first possible moment seems to me a particularly astute observation.

    There are a couple places, though, where I think the parody runs off the rails a little.  I doubt whether even as noxious a human as Coulter would use "like Max Cleland without his wheelchair" in an analogy.  And I don't think anyone, anyone, would explicitly say that Bush is the flesh of the Almighty.  They'd only imply it.

    I've got to ask.  How were you able to do this?  Did it come hard or easy?  But I can sort of guess.  It can be disturbingly easy to write a villain; it's like the psychology that fuels Coulter's dark fire is within us all and can be elicited, at least a little, with enough effort.

    Or maybe I'm completely wrong and writing this was a horror that made you want to take a shower afterward.

    Invisible airwaves crackle with life, ripe antennae bristle with the energy

    by Ernest Tomlinson on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 08:27:09 PM PST

    •  Max Cleland (none)
      I doubt whether even as noxious a human as Coulter would use "like Max Cleland without his wheelchair" in an analogy.
      There is no depth that Coulter will not stoop to.  When he was campaigning for Kerry last year, Coulter's column was about Cleland not being a war hero, that he was on his way to get a beer when he was wounded...could have happened anywhere, blah, blah, blah.  Probably the most sickening thing she's ever written, IMO, and that's saying a lot.

      Arrogant lips are unsuited to a fool-- how much worse lying lips to a ruler - Proverbs 17:7

      by Barbara Morrill on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 09:21:50 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  This pretty much wrote itself. (4.00)
      I found this type of writing, once I waded in to come quite easily. The point is that Anne C. is a complete, utter and total hack.
      Thanks to to everyone for the great responses.
  •  Oh Baby (none)
    Nicely Done.
  •  "Left Behind" series (none)
    I read one of these (gag) and the writing is eerily similar.  Hmmm, maybe B*** really is the anti-christ.
  •  Is Ann Coulter really a woman? (none)
    I mean, does she really have a vagina - after all, she has no discernable breasts at all.

    I think she may be a transvestite or some sort of a sex-change experiment gone arwy that came out of a CIA or Pentagon laboratory somewhere.

    I'm not sure that "she" is even a Fembot.
    I am willing to wager that she is Sean Hanity's brother in drag .. or James Guckert.

  •  Excellent (none)
    I can, fortunately, mostly avoid the wingnuttery. I don't have cable.  As a happy result, I've never had to endure the full force of Ms. Coulter's intellect directly.  I gotta say, though, that your parody must be spot on.  

    How else to explain that after I read it I wanted to have a scalding hot shower with pine-scented, anti-bacterial soap, pour a Costco-sized bottle of eye drops over each eyeball, scream into a pillow at the top of my voice until hoarse and down a shot of tequila, followed by a shot of gin, followed by a shot of sake?

    Good job,  Brian Nowhere man.  

  •  Mag. Fucking. Nificent. (none)
    This is satire personified.  <insert 100,000 superlatives here>

    "O beautiful for spacious skies/but now those skies are threatening/They're beating plowshares into swords/for this tired old man that we elected king"

    by Raybin on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 10:25:29 PM PST

  •  Gannon didn't write about gays ?!?!? (none)
    Gosh, she lies so shamelessly!

    And she has the gal of accusing Mawreen Dowd of lying!

    In the future people will wonder why most didn't challenge Bush's excesses
    The truth? Complacency was easier

    by lawnorder on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 10:51:22 PM PST

  •  Con gays more macho than libs ? (none)
    It's all about "macho" for them, isn't it ?

    (Also unlike Raines, Rather and Jordan, Gannon has appeared on TV and given a series of creditable interviews in his own defense, proving our gays are more macho than their straights.)

    In the future people will wonder why most didn't challenge Bush's excesses
    The truth? Complacency was easier

    by lawnorder on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 10:53:32 PM PST

  •  That. Was. Hilarious. n/t (none)

    "A time comes when silence is betrayal." MLK ...... The Green Knight

    by greenknight on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 11:01:32 PM PST

  •  Funny Funny Shit (4.00)
    Franken needs to read this on his show.

    Shit- this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time.  Get ready for your Koufax award next year (though did you ever hear about releasing the best stuff closer to awards time...)

    A followup story:

    Bush Baby Flap Comes Up Short
    by Nedra Pickler

    WASHINGTON (AP) - Attempts by Democrats to smear President Bush by playing up the fact that he recently dined on an infant in the White House Dining Room with Saudi Arabian Prince Bandar and former Enron Exec Ken Lay have fallen on deaf ears.  A new AP Poll shows that by an overwhelming margin, 51% to 49%, people are not alarmed by President Bush having eaten the baby, but do not consider it newsworthy.  

    Are You Concerned By the News That Pres. Bush Has Allegedly Eaten a Baby?

    Alarmed  49%
    Enraged  28%
    Upset    10%
    And I Heard It Was Delicious  13%

    [Poll methodology:  23% Democrat, 59% Republican, 13% Neo-Con, 5% Learning Disabled]

    Bush will be impeached.

    by jgkojak on Fri Feb 25, 2005 at 11:15:21 PM PST

  •  HST would be proud. (4.00)
    Who said Gonzo journalism died with him?  I think his spirit filled those fighting the fascists.

    "now this is not the end, it is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." W. Churchill

    by Thor Heyerdahl on Sat Feb 26, 2005 at 12:04:08 AM PST

  •  On a somewhat unrelated note... (none)
    ...I posted to another Coulter thread about a month ago that "you can't spell Ann Coulter without C*NT" and got troll rated (deservedly) into oblivion.  I just wanted to say that I wish I had had the creative vision and follow-through to post something like this.

    Great job.

    Two-step, lockstep, goosestep: Herr Busch's three-step plan to a righter tomorrow.

    by The Termite on Sat Feb 26, 2005 at 02:14:58 AM PST

  •  well (none)
    Would she realize that all this time she's been shilling her integrity away for a madman?

    this assumes she had integrity.  i thought she was a android assembled in the basement of the RNC.  she's not programmed for integrity.

    You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time. Abe Lincoln

    by x on Sat Feb 26, 2005 at 02:52:54 AM PST

  •  Fantastic, Thanks (none)
    Coulterror would offer her own baby up and voulnteer to do the cooking.
  •  ROFL! (none)
    There's only one problem--if I didn't know in advance that it was a parody, I would have believed it was a real Coulter column. And that is scary.
  •  Hey! (4.00)
    Who are you calling a pajama-clad loser? I'm--oh, never mind.
  •  Whoa, does she really write like that? (none)
    Yikes. I've never read anything by her, out of respect for my blood pressure.

    The less a man knows about how sausages and laws are made, the easier it is to steal his vote and give him botulism.

    by SensibleShoes on Sat Feb 26, 2005 at 08:12:07 AM PST

  •  Send it as spam! (none)
    Everyday we get a bunch of right-winged crap in our emails from people who want us to be conservative jackasses.

    We should be sending this out.  Not only does it provide a great laugh, but it would make even more people hate Ann Coulter, if that were possible.

  •  Anne Coulter Is A Worthless Bitch (none)
    We should seek to get whatever dirt there is on her.  Is the bitch fucking anyone?  As Randi Rhodes says all the time "The Bitch needs to Eat".  She is without a doubt the nastiest lying bitch of the "The Bottle Blond Right Wing Bitches" (Coulter, Laura Ingraham and Monica Crowley).  
  •  Hey Brain (none)
    It's Ann Coulter:  NO E.

    Pretty funny parody in any case.

  •  Very creative. Gets to the point and drives a fork (none)
    into the heart of the beast!

    Humor is so valuable. And it beats pure invective every time. And it is remembered!

    Good work.

    Blog Me!

    It's always something. Gilda Radnor RIP

    by HiFlyer on Sat Feb 26, 2005 at 11:04:58 AM PST

  •  You forgot (none)
    to add obscure tidbits that may or may not be facts along with the name-dropping.
  •  Well He's Sure Killed More Than A Few Babies (none)
    In his not-so-glorious crusade for Democracy (oil) and Freedom (personal power).

    Ultimately, would killing and eating one innocent be worse than merely killing an untold number of innocents? Is Elmer Fudd a more compassionate conservative because he only hunts for sport?

  •  Brian (none)
    I just gots to know. Did you happen to see my entry on Feb 16th where I said: "They could have a video of Bush killing and eating a baby and it still wouldn't get any coverage. If it ain't on Fox, it never happened." It would be pretty cool, from my standpoint, if the germ of the idea came from a post of mine. Please let me know. You did a fantastic job!
  •  This should be in the Onion. (none)
    I would tell you to send it to regular news outlets, but they are so stupid they would actually think it was written by AC, it would get published, then Gannongate would be out of the news cycle. Oh wait, er Nevermind. It would be Michael Jackson that would probably lose some coverage. Priorities. Where would we be without the BDCM to tell us Michael Jackson is a weirdo.

    Reason obeys itself; and ignorance submits to whatever is dictated to it. -Tom Paine

    by Alumbrados on Sat Feb 26, 2005 at 01:58:21 PM PST

  •  Hey Anne! Over Here! (Zzzziipp) (none)
    I have it on the authority of none other than the Mighty Rush himself, that the infant in question was the illegitimate love-child of Jeff Gannon-Guckert. The implications of such are clear.
    If such a child has come into existence, that would mean that Big Jeff is not homosexual, a circumstance that strongly implies that the whole Gannon-Gate scandal is nothing more than a liberal-media generated lie!
    Now surely miss Coulter, this accounting of the events sounds much more reasonable...much more to your liking than the version that has a HOMO running loose in your White House? And of course, whatever sounds best is indeed the fact because... after all...yours is the party that creates reality, right?

    So, uh...Anne?

    Gary Williams Prohibition Funds Terrorism

    by Mycos on Sat Feb 26, 2005 at 02:59:12 PM PST

  •  I might find this funny if... (none)
    You know, I could almost laugh at this if it were a satirical stretch of the insanity that is Ann Coulter...that freakish man-thing.  However, it's not a stretch.  In fact, it's probably a bit too light when compared to the rabid, drooling, snarling lunacies that drop from her fevered, distempered mind.

    It's not that even mind the existence of the he/she-thing. I'm sure on some universal plane, there's a need for a creature that spews delirium like an adolescent boy spraying milk from his nose upon hearing a fart joke.  No, it's the mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers, that give weight and credence to her vacuous mind-droppings, that bother and concern me.  

    As Coulter relates her latest journey aboard the Disoriented Express...these emotional, mental, and genetic missing links stare, hypnotized by her bobbing Adam's apple; their single eyebrow knitted into stern concentration. Like patrons at a carnival freak show, staring at a near-liquefied specimen in a thick-glassed jar...their subconscious minds screaming, "My God!!!! What is that?"  Yet, lacking the strength of character to avert their eyes.  

    It disturbs me greatly that I have been mysteriously transported into a bizarre, alternative universe where all the Coulter-like lunatics have found an audience. If, in fact, the universe were humming along in right and true fashion...Coulter would be found in his/her rightful place; a padded room, drooling, and trying to chew through his/her leather straps.  

  •  On the Stephanie Miller radio show today! (none)
    Stephanie Miller talked about this diary on her show this morning, and read some excerpts from it!  Very funny stuff.

    You've had your 15 minutes of fame on air!

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