From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Things We'd Like to See at the Kos Convention (http://www.dailykos.com/story/2005/3/13/1033/61797) June 9-11, 2006...in order of importance:
Howard! Howard! Howard!
Markos's keynote address delivered "in the round."
"Pin the Tail on the Right-wing Wacko"
A decent workshop about framing
Prom Queen Barbara Boxer
Blogging vs. Traditional Media: Thoughts from Keith Olbermann
Lecture by Pastor Dan: What the Bible Really Says About...
Orange a la Duck
D.C. Insider reveals: "What You Don't Know About How Washington Really Works"
A representative from this outfit: http://www.pajamasseenontv.com/nick---noras-flannel-pajamas.html
In the Zebra Lounge: Maryscott O'Connor-hosted screamaoke
Workshop: How to Make Gobs of Money Selling Junk to Gullible Republicans. On second thought, put that at the top of the list.
Howzabout you? Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Entry section... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
By the Numbers:
Percent of March that's over: 45%
Days `til Spring: 6
Days `til taxes are due: 32
Days `til Yearly Kos convention: 463
2004 Revenue at Indian casinos in 2004: $18.5 billion
2004 revenue at non-Indian casinos: $9 billion
Percent of government farm subsidies that go to the top 8% of farm producers: 78%
(Source: U.S. Dept. of Agriculture)
Number of cell phone subscribers as of 2004: 180,500,000
Percent of cell phone users who TALK REALLY LOUD ON THEM IN RESTAURANTS AND OTHER INAPPROPRIATE PLACES: 100%
Your Puppy Pic of the Day "Vee vill invade Purina! Und vee vill invade Iams! Und vee vill invade Alpo! Und zen...zuh Vuhrld!!!" http://dogs.about.com/library/gallery/blphotopage3463.htm "But first...vee go poopies!"
CHEERS to tobogganing. According to the latest Washington Post/ABC News poll, public approval of Bush's Social Security-gutting scheme is racing downhill and headed for the briar patch: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A33028-2005Mar14.html. We'd call an ambulance but, gosh darn it, our cell phone's in a dead spot. Yours too? Bummer.
JEERS to Old Man Winter. He dumped another 13 inches on us over the weekend, the creep. But that's only slightly worse, in our opinion, than the boneheads at the Weather Channel who identified our hometown as "Portland, MA." NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!
CHEERS to Molly in stitches. Ms. Ivins just found out that John "Screw the U.N." Bolton has just been appointed Ambassador to the U.N.---and the old gal can't stop laughing: http://www.creators.com/opinion_show.cfm?columnsName=miv. For some crazy reason, I can.
CHEERS to king of the eggheads. And happy 126th birthday, Albert Einstein! His brain worked at a level we can't even imagine, but his sense of humor leads us to believe he would've been right at home amongst our fart jokes. Right Al? http://www.ifj.edu.pl/~stachnie/einstein.jpg
JEERS to bad advice. 17 million people will call the IRS for help this tax season. According to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, one-in-five will be given the wrong answer by the IRS employee on the other end of the line. Downside: nasty certified letters and late nights amending returns. Upside: in times of emotional turmoil the Bacardi doth taste sweetest.
CHEERS to scrapping plans and taking stands. C&J agrees with Paul Waldeman over at the Gadflyer, who says the key to winning elections hinges on hammering positions that the public can easily grasp and agree with...not policy-heavy position papers: http://gadflyer.com/flytrap/index.php?Week=200510#1590. And all we need to make it happen...[sigh]...is a plan.
CHEERS to Pink Lungs, Fat Wallet. An economist at Ohio State University has concluded that non-smokers have a net worth that is 50% higher than those of light smokers, and 100% higher than people who smoke more than a pack a day. So keep on quittin', Kossacks...there's gold in them thar withdrawal symptoms.
JEERS to shameless pandering. Time magazine's cover story goes cuckoo for Christianity...again. This time they're saying Mary should be considered Jesus' first disciple because they were so down with each other: http://www.time.com/time/covers/1101050321/graphic/. That's hogwash. I don't care who you are, no boy wants his mom hanging around his treehouse when he's drinkin' with his friends.
P.S. to the above jeer: Get ready for eBay wackos to put this issue up for bid because---gasp!---the cover looks just like the Virgin Mary!!
CHEERS to happy returns. A rested and recuperated Randi Rhodes returns to Air America on Thursday, but not before the angriest man in showbiz---Lewis Black---guest hosts tomorrow: http://forums.airamericaradio.com/randirhodes/images/splash_randi_out.jpg. You'll probably hear him whether your radio is on or not.
CHEERS to Senator Lincoln Chafee. C&J saw him speak for the first time yesterday on Meet the Press, and we sure wish there were more respectable Republicans like him. We also wish a unicorn would show up and take us to the lost city of Atlantis where we'd be crowned king and lavished with nachos. But...you take what you can get. Nacho?
JEERS to CNN. Good catch at AmericaBlog: Prince William falls from his horse, dusts himself off, and continues his polo match unharmed. But to the Crappy News Ninnies, it's a HEADLINE!! http://americablog.blogspot.com/2005/03/who-says-cnn-no-longer-delivers.html. Can't wait to see their non-stop coverage when Harry takes a leak and dribbles on his shoes.
CHEERS to "Q." No, not James Bond's gadget guy, silly. Quincy Jones turns 71 today. Our favorite Q-tune is his junk-blues theme for `Sanford and Son.' But for sheer mojo, no iPod should be devoid of Soul Bossa Nova. Groovy, baby!
C&J Flashback: March 14, 2004...
JEERS to Bush blackmail. The top Medicare actuary says he was threatened with termination (his job, we presume...) if he revealed the true cost of the new prescription drug plan to lawmakers. Richard Foster calls the whole thing "nightmarish" and even some Republicans are pissed. Is there an Office of Congressional Do-overs? [3/14 Update: The cost turned out to be higher than even Foster thought---$700 Billion. Pass the Oxycontin.]
And just one more:
JEERS to loony loopholes. Thanks to our on-the-case Justice Department, terrorists have had to change their tactics. Cartoonist Dwane Powell is on it: http://www.creators.com/editorial_show.cfm?comicname=dp. But fair warning, C&J'ers: Flick one in-flight pea and you'll find yourself in a place that starts with G, ands with O, and rhymes with Ahntanamo.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?