Purim is tonite.
You know, the story of Esther, Mordehai, King Ahashverosh, and Haman.
It follows a pretty standard story ark:
They wanted to kill us, we were saved. Now eat.
There are some differences though:
We hear the story of Purim read, and we use noise makers to drown out the name "Haman" wherever it is spoken.
Additionally, there is an interesting ruling by Rava from the Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Megillah (7b):
we must allow ourselves to feel the wine so much that we won't be able to distinguish between cursing Haman and blessing Mordehai.
Actually, my poison of choice is Slivovitz, an plum brandy, particularly the R. Jelinek clear.
Sometimes faith calls for a sacrifice from us, but not tonite.
I've been thinking about this, and wondering what those unfortunate gentile Kossaks should do tonite, and here is what I came up with:
Get a noise maker of some sort: a cheap horn, a greggor, whatever.
Get some (a lot) of alcohol.
Get thee to a TV with cable.
(more below the fold)
Next, you need to determine what denomination of Kossak you are, because this determines which channel you watch:
Here is the list:
- Orthodox: CSPAN (There is a schism between those who watch CSPAN I and II)
- Conservative: CNN
- Reform: MSNBC
- Reconstructionist: Fox News
This is best done as a communal activity, so get as many friends with you as you can.
Turn on the TV, and start drinking heavily.
Whenever you hear "Bush" or "President", you make as much noise as you can to drown it out.
Warning: If you have trouble distinguishing between GHW Bush and GW Bush, you have NOT had enough to drink.
You have had enough to drink when you have trouble distinguishing between GW Bush and Howard Dean.
That is all.