Tallahassee, Fla., March 25 -- Governor Jeb Bush today filed a motion in Florida state court to grant custody of Pope John Paul II to the Florida State Department of the Holy Faith. In released remarks the Governor commented that "We've heard today that the Pope has serenely abondoned his fate to God. I say -- Bulldinky! Not if I have anything to say about it, and I do. Not only have they not refused to remove the Pope from life support equipment, they haven't even hooked him up to any equipment."
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The Pope shocked the world only twelve days ago when he checked himself out of a Vatican hospital without a note from the United States Congress. In reaction the State Department today announced the recall of their envoy to the Holy See for "a good scolding". Department spokesman John P. Nocchio also threated to declare the Vatican in possesion of Weapons of Mass Destruction or "mass something, they're always going on about mass over there."
In his court filing, Governor Bush offered an affadavit by a faith healer named Mervin from Ocallala which stated that, based on a viewing of a televised Papal audience from 1997 and a careful reading of the books of Nostrodamus, that the Pope would actually live to the age of 121. The filing further requested that the court acknowledge Governor Bush as the supreme arbiter of all law, heavenly and natural, and for the state's Supreme Court justices to paint his house and wash his car.