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I have noticed a distressing trend of late of people who get fed up with Daily Kos, or its posters, or its perceived problems, or all of the above, and leave in a blaze of glory with a "Goodbye, Cruel World" diary to announce their displeasure. These diaries must take a great deal of time to write, and no doubt take up much of the posters' newly found post-Kos spare time.

Therefore, as a public service to Kossacks around the globe, here is a handy fill-in-the-blanks template for a "Goodbye, Cruel World" diary. Just choose the answers that suit you best, or fill in your own!

( ) Unfortunately
( ) Thankfully
( ) Angrily
( ) Resentfully
( ) Belatedly
( ) _________________________________
, I have decided to leave Daily Kos because:

( ) You people are all dinosaurs with the IQ of a learning-disabled patch of kale
( ) You people are all disagreeable, noxious trolls who live under a bridge . . . and those are your GOOD points
( ) Nobody reads my diaries
( ) Nobody recommends my diaries
( ) You allow _________________________________  who is a _________________________________ to post on this site
( ) _________________________________

You'd think you people would be able to understand
( ) Satire
( ) Sarcasm
( ) Humor
( ) English
( ) My insightful analysis into the way the world works
( ) _________________________________

I have therefore decided to
( ) Slit my wrists
( ) Create my own self-indulgent blog
( ) Move over to Little Green Footballs
( ) Move to Nepal and study a religion you've never heard of
( ) Get a life
( ) Deprive you of my inspired prose by deleting all my previous diaries
( ) _________________________________

So you can all therefore
( ) Kiss my _________________________________ -_________________________________ butt (e.g., lily-white, blue-state)
( ) Congratulate me when I become Internet Hide-And-Go-Seek Champion
( ) Take a sunbath in a cyclotron
( ) Show up and apologize when I win my Nobel Peace Prize for Literature
( ) _________________________________

I sign this
( ) Sincerely,
( ) Indifferently,
( ) Confusedly,
( ) with the help of someone who knows how to write,
( ) _________________________________,


(your name goes here)

I want to thank the crew at the C&J Cafe for their suggestions and advice on this one. I will hide the names to protect the guilty.

Originally posted to Our Man In Redmond on Thu Mar 31, 2005 at 08:06 AM PST.

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