Over 20 years ago Saturday my first love slit his own throat in the closet of his bedroom. I found him, dying. He died in my arms minutes later.
We were both 17. We met at 15. It wasn't long before we were inseparable. For two years we did everything together. We fell in love. Perhaps it was teenage hormones, infatuation, but it was two years of secret bliss and I've only felt that kind of love once again since. He became my only refuge in a world of hate. We promised each other to live our lives together, forever.
Till that day. He broke our promise. His father had found out he was a 'fag', to this day I do not know how, called him a pervert and kicked him out of the home. I guess my love was not strong enough for him, his father's rejection stronger. We lost him that same day. It was over two decades ago, I go most of my life now not thinking about it. My life is so far from that pain today, a soulmate, a cherished daughter, a loving family and friends. But on days like today, the pain returns, vividly.
and now the anger...
I read a comment by a Fundamentalist the other day, the day before the 'anniversary'. He said homosexuality is harmful and causes suffering to society and individuals. The Fundamentalist right says it all the time, just read any words by Dobson, Robertson, Perkins, et. al.
It was the wrong day for me to read that.
Homosexuality causes suffering and harm?
FUCKING BULLSHIT!
It is THEY who are causing the harm and suffering. THEY ARE. The assholes. I am SO SO tired of the lies. They hide behind their false Christianity and call evil 'good' and good 'evil'. The fucking liars.The FRC calls us abusive, diseased, mentally sick pedophiles
A NC city councilman says we eat shit (yeah, i'd like him to 'eat shit and die')
and on and on.
Their words KILL, their words and lies cause suffering and harm. THEY killed my first love. THEY beat me to a pulp when I 16 because i was a 'fag', THEY made me suffer through years of 'change therapy' and wish i were dead, THEY made a friend marry a women so he could remain a 'good Christian' but instead lived years of tortured silence, THEY make it difficult to return to our home states because our family wouldn't be welcome, THEY make it so our family has to spend thousands of dollars and hours and hours to keep us legally protected, THEY are causing suffering and pain.
THEY ARE.
It is their damn lies, innuendos, fraudulent studies and hatred that cause suffering and harm. They would be the first to believe that porn causes rape and harm...
but no.. not their precious pornographic lies of hate hiding behind their false reading of the Christian message. No, those never cause harm and suffering.
They call good 'evil' and evil 'good'.
Dobson, Perkins, the FRC, the AFA, the CWFA, the bastards of the Fundamentalist right.
THEY cause great suffering and pain and the smile and use their shield of a false Jesus and say it's only their belief.
BULLSHIT!!!!!
I am fucking tired of this. I am tired of them lying and causing suffering and pain.. causing murders and torturing, causing suicides and desperation, hate and fear.
I'm tired of them causing it and then
GETTING ON DAMN THE MEDIA and portrayed as 'just another voice'. I'M FUCKING TIRED OF IT.
They refuse a message of love from Christians but don't mind allowing the HATEMONGERS of the right on.
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF IT.
THEY CAUSE HATE AND SUFFERING and then they get to spout it on MAINSTREAM MEDIA!!
AND THEN THEY GET PLAY ALL INNOCENT AND CALL THOSE THEY OPPRESS THE OPPRESSORS!
THE GALL!!!
I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT!
When is it going to be stopped?!?!
ADDED
I truly did not think this would be a diary that would be recommended. A bit taken aback. I posted it this morning out of raw anger and tears.. i just had to get it out. Funny, when thinking about it I decided to post it here and not on my blog. Not sure why... my blog is about joy... and i needed some ether to scream in to.
THANK YOU for your comments. My life is wonderful, beyond what I ever dreamed possible, and filled with joy. But every once in a while the pain of those days is remembered and opened again and the religious right just is the salt in the wound.
Your comments were wonderful. I'm going to go hug my partner and daughter tight and thank God for what I have.
but i'm still angry and I am going to keep channelling that wrath to defeat those that oppress us.
thanks for letting me rant.
This is what I'm talking about
In another recommended diary today, citing the outrage of ABC allowing a FocusonFamily ad, one commenter defended Dobson, the FoF and their parenting help.
As I replied (paraphrased):
I don't give a shit...they are a HATE group. Pure and damn simple. HATE HATE HATE HATE. I don't care if they know all the secrets about being a good parent or how to bake the best apple pie in the world.
I don't give a shit. They are a HATE group.
Is it all right for ABC to accept ads from the KKK as long as its not about racism, but about how to bleach your bed linens and the ratings on good wood to build cross beams with?
Focus on the Family is a HATE GROUP. Repeat after me...
Focus on the Family is a HATE GROUP
Lets just keep repeating it.