Due to filibuster-related analysis, C&J has volunteered to post in the diaries. Revel in the rabid right's setback today. We deserve a case of happy feet once in a while.
From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Late Night Snark...
"Condoleezza Rice made a surprise trip to Iraq on Sunday. Also surprised to be in Iraq on Sunday: thousands of U.S. troops who were supposed to be home by Christmas."
--Amy Poehler
"There's a rumor Dick Cheney may run for president in 2008. If he wins, that would make him the first three-term president since Franklin Roosevelt."
--Jay Leno
"To show that his energy bill is about more than drilling for oil in Alaska. This week President Bush visited a plant in Virginia that turned soy beans into a clean burning diesel fuel. Which the president hopes one day will be used to fuel oil drilling machines in Alaska."
--Tina Fey
"President Bush says he is still angry at Newsweek magazine. Newsweek is angry as well, and wants to know who read the story to President Bush."
--Conan O'Brien
As always, our gratitude to these guys for keeping the list.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 24, 2005...
Note: It is now officially moose-vehicle collision season in Maine. This period will last through the end of June. Hitting a moose is 4 times more likely to kill you than hitting a deer, according to the state Department of Fisheries and Wildlife (and it really pisses off the moose). You've been warned.
By the Numbers:
Days `til Memorial Day: 6
Days `til the new Backstreet Boys CD comes out: 21
Days `til Christmas: 215
Length of Senator Alfonse D'Amato's 1992 filibuster: 15 hours, 14 minutes
Longest filibuster on record: 24 hours, 18 minutes (Strom Thurmond, 1957)
Number of Senators who signed the filibuster agreement yesterday: 14
Rate at which World War II veterans are dying: 1,075 per day
(Source: Chicago Tribune)
Wind gusts in Portland overnight: 60mph+
Your Puppy Pic of the Day "They took away my copy of Life's Little Instruction Book. I have no idea what to do now."
The Agreement...
CHEERS to America, the Victor. Howard Dean said it best on Meet the Press: "One of the great geniuses of American democracy, unlike most of the democracies in the world, [is] that minority rights are protected [by the filibuster]. 48 percent of us didn't vote for President Bush, but we still have some say in shaping the agenda of the country." Because moderates had common sense on their side, we live to fight another day.
JEERS to Priscilla Owen, Janice Rogers Brown, and William Pryor, Jr. They're still frightening nominees and now their confirmation is assured. C'mon down, you three...your spiked gavels are waiting at the front desk.
JEERS to frothing fundies. Right on cue, they're gnashing their teeth and threatening to walk away from their party because they lost their bid to turn America into a monarchy. On our local talk radio station---WGAN---callers demanded to see the heads of Senators Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins on a pike. Maybe it's just the weather...
JEERS to suspicion. Joe Lieberman is ecstatic with the filibuster agreement. That can only mean one thing: somehow we got screwed. Read it again!
CHEERS to the losingest losers in Loserville. That would be Dr. Bill "My Goose Is Cooked" Frist and Dr. James "I'll Be The One Cooking It" Dobson. Says Jimmy D: "This Senate agreement represents a complete bailout and betrayal by a cabal of Republicans and a great victory for united Democrats." United Democrats---I like the sound of that.
The Rest...
CHEERS to the good guys. Today at 1pm in Washington, D.C., Rep. John Conyers is hosting a forum called Media Bias and the Future of Freedom of the Press. The all-star panel includes Al Franken, Randi Rhodes, David Brock, Eric Alterman and John Aravosis. Give `em hell.
JEERS to the Ti-D-Bowl Preznit. Forget the Koran...it's President Bush's poll numbers (CNN/USA Today/Gallup) that are floating in the toilet. Shall I flush or would you like the honor?
JEERS to White House lie #2,34...whatever, we lost count. Remember how Bush keeps saying that small businesses are the heart of America and they deserve lots of tender loving care? In Maine, that's turned out to be a big bucket of bullshit. Says Lloyd Chapman, president of the American Small Business League: "The entire [small business government contract] program is smoke and mirrors." Tch...name one thing in Bushville that isn't.
CHEERS to speaking out. Pat Tillman's family is pissed at the military for covering up the real circumstances surrounding their son's death. We have no snark on this one. Just respect for the way the family has addressed this outrage. Rumsfeld: Resign.
JEERS to Monsters of Mass Deception. On May 24, 1933 the Loch Ness Monster was "sighted" for the first time. Of course, they haven't found it yet---they claim it was smuggled into Syria.
CHEERS to the gathering storm. Bumping coverage up a notch, The Washington Post is the latest to publish an article that suggests Bush cooked the books to justify war in Iraq. Funny thing about a Curveball...sometimes it hits ya right in the nuts.
JEERS to America the Backward. Thanks to President George W. Dobson's faith-based ignorance, South Korea is now kicking our ass in stem cell research. But at least we're still #1 in obesity. Pass the Twinkies.
CHEERS to jump-starting the jalopy. 106 years ago, the first auto repair shop opened in Boston. Followed by the first auto repair bill-induced cardiac arrhythmia.
CHEERS to the United States of Couchpotato. Out today on DVD: `The Aviator' and `Pooh's Humpalot Movie.' But our pick of the week is the critically-acclaimed documentary on author (`A People's History of the United States') and activist Howard Zinn, called You Can't Be Neutral On A Moving Train. Happy viewing.
CHEERS to Meeting the Fokkers. On this date in 1916, U.S. pilot Lt. Col. William Thaw shot down a German Fokker and performed other assorted aerial derring-do that earned him the Légion d'Honneur. Hence the phrase: "I don't give a flying fokk...!"
C&J Flashback: May 24, 2004...
JEERS to bad balance. Bush bangs himself up as he falls off his bicycle. Kerry's punchline is as good as it gets: "Did the training wheels fall off?" Now...let's see how the makeup crew does for tonight's televised speech.
CHEERS to The Title. It's official: `Star Wars Episode III: Birth of the Empire.' The Emperor is pleased. [5/24/05 Update: We like the new official title better.]
And just one more...
CHEERS to knotty things. Hey...want some wood?? It'll fuel your pot-belly stove for a lifetime. Assuming you're still alive after you see the delivery charge.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-