From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Laws that are still on the books in Maine...
--Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
--You may not step out of a plane in flight.
--After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
--Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street. (Portland)
--To stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law. (Augusta)
Find your own state's dumb laws at dumblaws.com. And thank your lucky stars you won't get stoned for violating them. Probably.
Cheers and Jeers laces up in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 25, 2005...
Note: It's raining men. Hallelujah.
By the Numbers:
Days `til Memorial Day: 5
Days `til Father's Day: 25
Average per capita income in Iraq in 2004: $432
Percent of Iraqis with working sewage systems: 37%
(Source: Time)
Amount to be spent by the federal government this year on abstinence-only education: $168 million
Amount to be spent on adoption awareness: $13 million
(Source: Parade)
Your Puppy Pic of the Day "You will stay in the corner until you learn not to eat the neighbors. Bad doggies!"
CHEERS to the visionaries. On May 25, 1787, the Constitutional Convention opened in Philly with George Washington presiding. Despite major differences, our founders created an amazing blueprint for the U.S. government that's lasted over 200 years. And despite assholes like Dobson, Frist and Limbaugh, we expect it to last another 200. Unless global warming turns us into goo first.
JEERS to the science killers. The House voted 238-194 yesterday to allow federal funding of stem cell research. Bush, Delay and the frothyright quickly condemned it as unethical baby-killing. As usual, there's hypocrasy in them thar nutty noodles. And once again, poor Billy Frist is caught in the middle. Wah.
P.S. "Pass the Ketchup, Karl."
JEERS to phony baloneys. Afghan president Hamid Karzai and George Bush staged a `press availability' Monday at the White House. The problem: the press didn't bother to show up because of limited questions and evasive answers. The solution: fill the room with White House interns (link via Center for American Progress). The saddest part is that no one could tell the difference.
CHEERS to slipping past the Cone of Silence. For four years Karl Rove's minions kept protestors far away from Bush...and the press. No longer. Thanks to grassroots organizing, opponents (including Kos readers) of the president's Social Security-gutting scheme are now being heard loud and clear. Punchline courtesy of Princess Leia: "The tighter you squeeze, the more the rebellion will slip through your fingers."
CHEERS to wizards and warriors. Two titans in the world of fantasy and sci-fi celebrate birthdays today: Ian "Gandalf/Magneto" McKellen turns 66, and Frank "Voice of Yoda" Oz is 61. Wish `em a happy birthday before they use their powers to turn you into a FREEPER!
JEERS to idle hands. The percentage of people out of work for 6 months or more is at the highest-level since World War II (link via Center for American Progress). White collar workers and middle-age women are hit hardest. I don't care if it's been said a thousand time or not, I'm pulling it out of mothballs again: "Worst...Presidency...Ever."
CHEERS to Senfronia Thompson. In today's must-read, the Texas state representative slams the sponsors of an anti gay-marriage bill, and gives us all a lesson in framing: "Let's look at what this amendment does not do: It does not give one Texas citizen meaningful tax relief. It does not reform or fully fund our education system. It does not restore one child to CHIP [Children's Health Insurance Program] who was cut from health insurance last session. It does not put one dime into raising Texas' Third World access to health care. It does not do one thing to care for or protect one elderly person or one child in this state. In fact, it does not even do anything to protect one marriage." And thanks, Molly "Sweetie" Ivins, for giving Thompson's eloquence a wider audience.
JEERS to ditzy damsels in distress. Did you hear about this? Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson were at a restaurant, and---according to Anderson---Hilton slammed down her menu and exclaimed, "I hate reading!" She then demanded that the waiter read the menu out loud. Says Anderson: "I mean, I'm blonde...but c'mon." Life...it's so hard.
JEERS to blowhards crying "Victim!" Y'know, we used to listen to Rush Limbaugh in the late 80s, and we found him crude but funny...and even (gasp!) occasionally witty. Yesterday we tuned in to get his reaction to the filibuster "agreement" and got an earful of humorless, self-pity induced bluster. It's official: the guy who used to take on liberals "with one half of my brain tied behind my back" has become just another circuit in the GOP Borg.
CHEERS to Maine's Big Sports Moment. The Ali (Clay back then)/Liston heavyweight title fight---during which Sonny Liston was "knocked out" one minute into the first round---happened 40 years ago today in Lewiston. The match produced the second greatest sports photo of all time by Neil Leifer. Number one, of course, being the famous 2002 Sausage Festival Lobster Race.
CHEERS to moonwalking to Morocco. Michael Jackson has taken enough crap here, so he's planning to move to Europe or Africa. Yeah, I know the feeling.
C&J Flashback: May 25, 2004...
CHEERS to Poll Dancing. President Bush's approval drops to lowest levels across the board: CBS News--41%. Washington Post/ABC News--47%. USA Today/CNN/Gallup--47%. And Zogby says Kerry's lead in Ohio is outside the margin of error. Now THAT'S how you make math fun.
JEERS to good appendages gone bad. Since Abu Ghraib story broke, giving the thumbs-up sign just feels dirty. Even Roger Ebert has switched to his big toe.
And just one more...
JEERS to Free... [Kabooom!] ...dom on the march. If things are going so awesomely super in Iraq, shouldn't visiting U.S. dignitaries not be dressed for hand-to-hand combat?? Just asking.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"I'm very concerned about cloning Bill in Portland Maine. I made it very clear to the Congress that the use of federal money, taxpayers' money to promote Cheers and Jeers is...I'm against that. And therefore, if the bill does that, I will veto it."
George W. Bush
5/20/05
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