FLASH!
For the first time since entering the national spotlight, transvestite performance artist Abraham Coulterwitz took a few days respite from portraying what he terms his "rabid self-loathing female conservative persona," otherwise known as news commentator Ann Coulter.
Coulterwitz expressed surprise at the success of his ongoing characterization, and amazement that so many take the Coulter character seriously.
"It's pretty incredible if you think about it," Coulterwitz remarked.
"I mean, never mind the Neanderthal politics, can't they see the Adam's apple?"
Coulterwitz, who has a bachelors degree in performance transvestite-ism from UC at Berkley, originally planned to employ the character briefly as a parody protest against a
"spreading Reagan-Bush crypto-Christo-fascist anti-science anti-environment creepy elitist cult."
But surprising popularity among conservatives and continued book sales have kept Coulterwitz in character for more than 10 years.
"Originally we planned to do if for about 6 months," Coulterwitz explained.
"We figured the character would peak about then, and then we were going to have Coulter announce that for the first time in her life, she had finally had sex, and now she is a liberal Democrat who is going to back to school to be a small animal veterinarian. And then the character would just fade."
"But we were totally surprised. The persona just kept growing."
"It's tiring," Coulterwitz admitted. "It's like that Pee Wee Herman guy. Always on stage. You get a little nuts after a while."
Coulterwitz said he did not expect so many would be taken in by his characterization--especially Time Magazine. He said there were lots of hints that it was an act.
"We went for a combination valley-girl and Gollum-in-drag look," Coulterwitz explained. "That should have been a tip-off right there."
"And then when I claimed to be a comedienne, I mean, give me a break! And just look at my so-called books--just your basic core dumps from your wacko survivalist right-wing-nut web sites. Cut-paste-cut-paste. None of them took more than three hours to write. And, oh yeah, remember when I said `We're all tired of having the gay agenda forced down our throats?' Helllooo! Catch oooon people!"
When asked if any other prominent conservatives are, in fact, performance artists, Coulterwitz was reluctant to name names.
"There was that one guy, you know, the gay male hooker playing a White House reporter. That was all a performance piece about mainstream U.S. journalism. But beyond that, I can't say--professional courtesy."
"I will give you one hint, though,"
Coulterwitz winked. "Have you ever wondered why you never see both Pat and Bay Buchanan at the same time? And also, what would a GUY do with a vibrator--or a falafel?"
Coulterwizt said he would be going back into character on Monday, at which time he would deny all knowledge of this interview. "When I'm in character, I'm in character," Coulterwitz explained.
When not in the public eye, Coulterwitz and his wife, Anna D. Kleywiski (former transvestite performance artist Andrew Dice Clay) reside with their two teenage daughters in Fresno, California.
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BTW, thanks to Stephanie Miller for so kindly reading some of my nutty stuff on her radio show. (Stephanie is the ANTI-Coulter, and a gift from heaven.) Which reminds me: Please support progressive radio, both Air America and Democracy Radio. Listen, buy, advertise, and spread the word. It's our last best voice of moderation.