Readers are advised to put down any food or drink they may have in hand before reading this post. You'll also want to chew and/or swallow anything you've already taken, and if there are small children or people with delicate sensibilities in the vicinity, you'll want to encourage them to get out of earshot. That's how un-be-fucking-lievable this story is.
Anybody who's been following the news knows that the military has been having tremendous problems meeting its monthly recruitment targets of late. What the news reports haven't shown is just how desperate recruiters' tactics have become. Details below the fold.
The next step of Axel's misadventure came when he heard about a cool "chin-ups" contest in Bellingham, where the prize was a free Xbox. The now 18-year-old Skagit Valley Community College student dragged his tail feathers home uncharacteristically late that night. And, in the morning, Marcia learned the Marines had hosted the event and "then had him out all night, drilling him to join."
[edit]
Axel's father, a Marine Corps vet who served in Vietnam, died when Axel was 4.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? The United States Marine Corps is kidnapping potential recruits now? But wait, it gets better (or rather, worse):
The next weekend, when Marcia went to Seattle for the Folklife Festival and Axel was home alone, two recruiters showed up at the door.
Axel repeated the family mantra, but he was feeling frazzled and worn down by then. The sergeant was friendly but, at the same time, aggressively insistent. This time, when Axel said, "Not interested," the sarge turned surly, snapping, "You're making a big (bleeping) mistake!"
Next thing Axel knew, the same sergeant and another recruiter showed up at the LaConner Brewing Co., the restaurant where Axel works. And before Axel, an older cousin and other co-workers knew or understood what was happening, Axel was whisked away in a car.
"They said we were going somewhere but I didn't know we were going all the way to Seattle," Axel said.
Just a few tests. And so many free opportunities, the recruiters told him.
He could pursue his love of chemistry. He could serve anywhere he chose and leave any time he wanted on an "apathy discharge" if he didn't like it. And he wouldn't have to go to Iraq if he didn't want to.
At about 3:30 in the morning, Alex was awakened in the motel and fed a little something. Twelve hours later, without further sleep or food, he had taken a battery of tests and signed a lot of papers he hadn't gotten a chance to read. "Just formalities," he was told. "Sign here. And here. Nothing to worry about."
Jesus H. Christ on a crutch! This is what "Duty. Honor. Valor" is supposed to look like? I don't fucking think so!
Not only did they abduct a minor child and drag him 85 miles away from his home, they took away his cell phone. They claimed it was to keep him from being "distracted during tests." Axel's mom was, understandably, freaked out when her son didn't come home. Fortunately, she had the presence of mind to suspect the USMC, and although nobody was on duty at the recruitment station in Bellingham, she did grab a card with the address of the testing center in Seattle on it, where she had to lie even to get anyone to admit that her son was there. And had her daughter not had sharp eyes, she might still be wondering where her son was. It took a lawyer to get her son's cell phone (and the enlistment papers he'd unintentionally signed) away from the Marine Corps.
Un. Be. Fuckin'. Lievable. Seventy years ago, the Germans had a name for shenanigans like these. Nacht und Nebel, they called it, "night and fog." That was how the Gestapo came after people they deemed a danger to state security, who simply disappeared into the murk, never to be seen again. This is a democracy, remember? And we're supposed to be exporting freedom around the world. We just don't do shit like this.
At least a draftee gets a formal notice of when and where to appear, at a designated time and place, and knows what s/he's getting into. If this is what our "all-volunteer" military looks like, no wonder nobody is busting down the doors to join.
Hat-tip to PZ at Pharyngula. Cross-posted from Musing's musings.
Update [2005-6-9 0:24:52 by musing85]: The more I think about this, the angrier I become. Let's spread this story as far and wide as we can, and really screw up their recruitment targets for next month. I've already written my representatives in Congress, and the editors of the local newspapers are next on the list. Go forth and multiply (stories, you pervs, I meant stories!), my fellow Kossacks. We've got work to do.