From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Top Ten Ways George Bush Can Regain His Popularity
10. Dip into social security fund to give every American free HBO
9. Use diplomacy to bring peace to Brad, Jen and Angelina
8. Try fixing Iraq, creating some jobs, reducing the deficit and maybe capturing Osama
7. Figure out a way for the Yankees to win a game
6. Replace his "country simpleton" persona with more lovable "hillbilly idiot" image
5. Use weekly radio address to give Americans a Van Halen twofer
4. Get Saddam to switch to boxers
3. Ditch the librarian and make Eva Longoria First Lady
2. Resign
1. Jump on Oprah's couch while professing his love for Katie Holmes
Late Show with David Letterman
I kinda like #2. We should work on that. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Cheers for Wednesday, June 15, 2005...
Note: "Lottery in June...corn be heavy soon." Ooh...this rock is nice and sharp.
By the Numbers:
Days `til Father's Day: 4
Days `til `Harry Potter and the half-blood Prince': 31
Percent of June that's over: 50%
Date George W. Bush hung his "Mission Accomplished" banner: May 1, 2003
Number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq as of May 1, 2003: 139
U.S. troops killed since "Mission Accomplished": 1567
(Source: ICCC)
Number of letters in Mission NOT Accomplished: 22
Your Puppy Pic of the Day "As co-presidents of the Snarky Schnauzer Society, we object to C&J's blatant snub of our breed, and we won't stand f..." Click here. "Never mind."
CHEERS to Support Howard Dean Day! If you have a few extra shillings, give. If you have a few extra minutes, write a letter. If you have a phone, make a call. And sign the petition. Memo to Dean-basher Joe Biden: you can take the day off and go fishing. Please.
CHEERS to William Rivers Pitt. We don't link to this firebrand's stuff nearly enough. In today's must-read, the Truthout scribe promotes the benefits of switching to Howard Dean brand Shampoo. Tingly, ain't it?
JEERS to extended cubicle duty. Republicans on the Senate Finance Committee (Read: Department of "Spend!") want to make 69 the new retirement age. Not 68, not 70...69. And they say we're the party of perverts.
JEERS to David Espo. The AP writer who penned the above story just had to add this little pearl: "Democrats charged that rural Americans would be hit hardest by Bush's [Social Security] plans, which they consistently describe as privatization." Actually, Bush started it last September when he said: "I'm going to come out strong after my swearing-in, with fundamental tax reform, tort reform, privatizing of Social Security." We're just following our leader in the spirit of bipartisanship. Is that so wrong?? (Heh.)
CHEERS to reality TV with a purpose. Morgan "Super Size Me" Spurlock's "30 Days" debuts tonight on the FX channel at 10. The first episode has him trying to survive on the federal minimum wage ($5.15 an hour). The Center for American Progress suggests the poor sucker never had a chance. Good thing it's just a fantasy show.
JEERS to Bush's brain. We hear someone snapped this pic of his bike when he was taking a potty break. Yes, friends, this is the man who's always just a few feet away from the briefcase with the Big Red Armageddon Button (the one with the happy face on it).
CHEERS to old ladies waiting to cross the street. 89 years ago, in 1916, The Boy Scouts of America was officially chartered by Congress. Michael and I are both Eagle Scouts, and in honor of today's anniversary, we booted our computer this morning by rubbing two sticks together.
JEERS to cognitive dissonance. Let me get this straight...in May prices fell, but people still stopped buying stuff? Wow...we've dumbed ourselves down so much that we're starting to think "Land of the Free" is to be taken literally. Oh what the hell...to the mall!!
CHEERS to the new Republican party...and I do mean PARTY!! Last night a porn star dropped by a GOP fundraiser (yep, the President of the United States was there, too) to promote them good old GOP values. The most frequent comment made by the men sitting near Mary Carey's table: "Oops, I dropped my [fork, spoon, butter knife, napkin, drumstick, teeth, Brussels sprouts, watch fob, glass eye...]"
JEERS to The Suicide Bombs of the Day. In today's episode, insurgents kill 23 Iraqi soldiers and two American soldiers. Another 30 were wounded. Tune in tomorrow---because this show ain't gonna be cancelled for a long eff'ing time---for the next episode of: The Suicide Bombs of the Day.
CHEERS or JEERS to the new Caped crusader. `Batman Begins,' starring yummy Christian Bale, opens today to mostly decent reviews. If it helps us erase the memory of Val Kilmer and George Clooney pooping on the bat cave, we'll be happy to give it a thumbs-up.
JEERS to Bill Frist. Let me get this straight: to protect the knuckledragger wing of the knuckledragger party, he repeatedly prevented roll-call votes on an official Senate apology for not passing anti-lynching laws sooner. I think we've found the new spokesman for the Don't Drop Your Baby On Its Head Foundation.
CHEERS to innovation. On this date in 1844, Charles Goodyear got a patent for better rubber. Huhhuhhhuhh... Better rubber.
C&J Flashback: June 15, 2004...
CHEERS to technicalities. "Under God" can stay in Pledge of Allegiance, says Supreme Court, because the (atheist) father who brought the case on behalf of his daughter had no legal control over her. Thus sparing us an explosion of self-righteous GOP finger-wagging. Let's take this up another day...
JEERS to American credibility. Truthout.com posts this photo, with caption: "Oma Abdullah and son Mustapha, holding a photo of his father who died in Abu Ghraib prison." Shall we put our fist through a wall in unison, or would you like to do it in private?
And just one more...
DOUBLE SNAPS to new accessories. Well bless my buttons! The Christian right wants gays to start wearing warning labels. Okay, but only if I can have it stitched on my chiffon caftan. Now take the poll, duckie, and help me pick the most fabulous statement.
Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
- - -
Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"Dude. I cannot make it without C & J. I admit it. I am addicted, and I do NOT want rehab."
Maryscott O'Connor
6/13/05
- - -