From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Excerpt from Bush and Blair instant message session:
Sxybritguy10: hey
Kickass43: sup?
Sxybritguy10: nm u
Kickass43: jc. Iraq not good
Kickass43: polls not good
Kickass43: mjr babe issues
Sxybritguy10: laura?????? :-O
Kickass43: rofl no! American chicks. Dont like me anymore.
Sxbritguy10: security mums?
Kickass43: gone
Sxybritguy10: ttly?
Kickass43: ttly. not like when we were young right? Mom AWOL=good party. Today: moms AWOL=bad for party.
Sxybritguy10: :(
Kickass43: they say they dont care about security issues. like NOW they feel safe. who made them feel safe? not Kerry. kerry is an uber douche. I'm way hotter than he is man.
Sxybritguy10: You were so the better candidate
Kickass43: yeah I know. they re-elect me then they ditch me
Sxybritguy10: sux
Kickass43: y r u so good with ladies?
Sxybritguy10: they think i care
Kickass43: like i dont
Sxybritguy10: they think u dont care bout wat they care bout
Kickass43: like wat
Sxybritguy10: education healthcare sos
Kickass43: thats ttl sh*t
Sxybritguy10: mayb but thats wat they think. u scare them
Kickass43: they like laura
Sxybritguy10: use her more
Kickass43: duh
Kickass43: hey
Kickass43: hey
Kickass43: hey
Kickass43: u there???? hello? thats it. we're nukeing you...
Kickass43: jk, ilu buddy. u do kno that right?
By Danielle Crittenden. Read the whole thing at the Huffington Post. Thank you for making me rotflmao.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Cheers for Thursday, June 16, 2005...
Note: For your comfort: Cheers and Jeers is hypoallergenic, thanks to HEPA filter technology.
By the Numbers:
Days `til Father's Day: 3
Days `til Summer: 5
Percent of Men's Health readers who believe pot is "as harmful as other drugs": 22%
Percent of MH readers who think pot should be legalized: 58%
Winning auction bid for the contract that sent Babe Ruth from the Red Sox to the Yankees in 1919: $996,000
Price the Yankees actually paid the Sox to acquire Ruth: $100,000
(Source: Time)
Temperature at 4pm yesterday in downtown Portland, Maine: 48°
Your Puppy Pic of the Day The 2005 Doggie Games: "On your mark! Get set...."
CHEERS to Bush's crumbling mandate. Yesterday the House---in an amazing act of open defiance against Preznit---ruled that the gub'ment can't look at your library records or book store receipts. But it was only a partial victory---your mattress is still fair game.
JEERS to Jimmy Swaggart. Remember last Fall when, on Canadian TV, he threatened to kill any gay man who looked at him? The Canadian Broadcast Standards Council has ruled that Swaggart's a big fat jerk and needs to stop it. In this country he'd be invited on Fox News and the Sunday talk shows to whack softballs from the furrowed-brow crowd. Those Canadians sure are silly, huh?
CHEERS to FDR. 70 years ago today, Congress accepted his "New Deal." A Democrat-inspired program that was visionary, humane and focused on the downtrodden. So of course the Republicans have tried to scuttle it ever since.
JEERS to the circle of a hack's life. Come, let's follow the illustrious career of Philip "Rack" Cooney: First he was an anti-Kyoto Treaty hack at the American petroleum Institute. Then he was appointed Chief of Staff of the Council on Environmental Quality, where he edited global warming documents to make the earth look as happy-go-lucky as Disney World. But public scrutiny wasn't his cup of tea so now he's running to the warm embrace of Exxon Mobil. And they all lived oily ever after. THE END.
CHEERS to the opening salvo. The Downing Street Minutes hearings begin today. Republicans originally said no-way to holding the hearings in the Capital, but later relented when they considered the negative publicity that the move would've caused. Heh heh...you ain't seen nothin' yet. Go get `em, Rep. Conyers!
JEERS to The Bomb of the Day. In today's unnecessary carnage, 5 U.S. troops lose their lives during a roadside bomb attack, and an American sailor was killed by gunfire. But the frothy right says we on the left need to focus on the good news, so here goes: A couple Iraqi kids got new soccer balls. But they floated away in a stream of open sewage. Damn, this is hard.
CHEERS to Papa. Buck Wolf at ABC News has a nice list of Dad's Day gift ideas. Of course, you'll need a 6-month advance on your allowance to afford them. "Mommmmm...!"
CHEERS to the truth revealed. The Terri Schaivo autopsy was released yesterday and it confirmed what we all knew: there's a bunch of idiots in Congress. The autopsy revealed that the poor woman's brain was actually half the size of a normal brain. No wonder Bill Frist felt such a strong connection to her.
JEERS to must-not-see TV. Tucker Carlson bombed in his debut TV show ("Mad Ramblings of Li'l Sparky") on MSNBC. Couldn't happen to a nicer fella. P.S. Chocolates and flowers to whoever referred to him as Skeeter Peter Titty Boy. Ha!
CHEERS to the boys of summer. Forgive us for allowing our reptilian brain to take over for a moment, but Michael and I both agree that Mark Felt's grandson is a hottie. From a purely intellectual standpoint, of course. grrowwwwlll...
CHEERS to tummy ticklers. The world's first roller coaster debuted at Coney Island 121 years ago today. Commemorate the event by vomiting on someone you love.
C&J Flashback: June 16, 2004...
JEERS to Halliburton. $8 billion wasted and counting. If money didn't grow on trees, this could be a scandal.
JEERS to food fraud. At the behest of---who else---large food processing companies, the USDA classifies frozen batter-coated French fries as a "fresh vegetable". Next week: TwizzlersTM joins the pasta family.
And just one more...
CHEERS to the Iraqi Democracy Translator. Leave it to Mark Fiori to help open the lines of communication. How do you say "Duck?"
Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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