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Episode the First, in which I unleash my inner Freeper

I thought that, on the momentous occasion of Bush's speech and the anniversary of the transfer of that sovereignty thingy to Iraq, we might take a spin around the globe and see how freedom, prosperity, and democracy were marching, now that Bush has reassured the world that he's going to keep doing things exactly the same way and he won't say when he'll stop.  That way, you won't know WHAT He's going to do!  

So, where better to start with the reaction to Bush's speech than out in Terroriststan?  Take it away, hadjis!  

A year ago, a celebration was held at the Green Zone to mark the transfer of sovereignty to Allawi's government. US President George Bush said: the reign of freedom has begun in Iraq. However, a year later the status quo is unchanged... A year from now President Bush will not have cause to celebrate unless he realises that there is no sovereignty unless it is transferred to those who deserve it: those resisting the occupation.

London-based Al-Quds Al-Arabi

Yeah!  Like Bush is going to give the sovereignty thingy to THOSE people!  Bush will celebrate the exact same thing next year no matter what happens.  That's because he's unswerveable and he's bringing that to places in the Middle East, like Libya.  

Oh, it's from London.  Nevermind, fruits!  

Let's leave England and hear from one of our allies instead:  

The extent of the destruction which the occupation forces have inflicted on Iraq confirms one plain reality: the failure of US plans in Iraq and the collapse of US plans to reconstruct and bring about freedom there.

Jordan's Al-Dustur

What?  No schools?  No ... painted schools?  Terrorists bomb schools and then we paint them.  Doesn't our ally Jordan know that?  

The occupation forces have suffered heavy losses to the insurgents and the need for a "middle ground" solution has become inevitable so that the US forces can at least exit Iraq with dignity.

Jordan's Al-Ra'y

More perfidy from Jordan!  A "middle ground"?  That would mean changing the Staying of the Coursing.  And we thought that Jordan's monarchy was our ally in Democracy™!  How much "dignity" do you people need?  You sound like that Democrat senator.  You know, the one who rhymes with "turban"?  

Right now, the US is caught between two fires - the fire of withdrawing from Iraq and the fire of the Iraqi resistance.

UAE's Akhbar al-Arab

Iraqi resistance?  They're firing already?  See?  Bush's Iraqi brigades are already on the march!  Just like Freedom™!  I can  fight terrorism with exclamation points!  It only takes like 1 1/2 keys on my keyboard!  

But isn't it sad that, thanks to the liberal media, we can only get the REAL news from a conservative thinktank like the UAE?  Sad.  

George W Bush's early morning speech [to US troops] will make no difference to the burden on his shoulders: he and his country are in deep trouble. The nightmare forecast by his defence secretary - that the US could be stuck in Iraq "for five, six, eight, 10" and even more years - is materialising before our very eyes.

Israel's Yediot Aharonot

Hello?  Israel?  Didn't you get the memo?  There is no timeframe.  Rumsfeld was just being charming.  And furthermore there is no burden on Bush's shoulders.  He's got people for that.  

So take your funny little customs and your funny little country and go kill someone else's Savior next time, OK?    

The Iraqi people's resistance has become a part of what is taking place in Iraq. It has become impossible to disregard it in finding a solution to the Iraqi problem.

Libya's Al-Shams

FINALLY some sense from Libya!  Man, Bush sure scared y'all when he dragged Saddam from his Spider Hole™.  Yes, the resistance of the Iraqi people to terror will be crucial to solving the terrorists.  Now keep it coming, bitch!  More that.  C'mon!  

Americans describe Bush's policy in Iraq as the policy of a lame duck... This political stumbling started with the beginning of Bush's presidency, from the time he appointed Paul Bremer as the country's chief administrator. It was Bremer who abolished the Iraqi army and police forces so that chaos prevailed.

Egypt's Al-Akhbar

What.  The.  Fuck?  


Didn't they just schedule elections?  How the sam hill could they dolchstoss-thingy America behind our back with this hate-filled terrorist-support?  Everyone know where the chaos came from.  Iraq!  Just like 9/11™.  

Oh, and I just checked on Instapundit and Paul Bremer was NEVER the chief administrator of the United States, so nice try, Dan al-Rather bin LYIN'!  

Iraqi people are at another historic juncture of writing a permanent constitution for their country. Moving ahead with the political process can put an end to the foreign military presence by decision of the Iraqi government and people, rather than extremist and terrorist groups.

Iraq's Al-Bayan

Iraqi people ... historic juncture ... constitution ... their country ... moving ahead ... political process ... Iraqi government ... extremist ... terrorist ...

See?  Now THAT'S how you stay on message!  It's like they cut up Bush's speech and rearranged the little paper thingies into more Bush!  And to think that so many liberals talk bad about our allies!  Let the liberals read this and see how Freedom™ works!  Americans could use more real Americans like Mr. al Bayan!  

And on that note, let us slip the surly bonds of the liberal media and go around the world for more news about Democracy™ and Freedom™!

So, what's the good word out in East Terroriststan?  If you read between the lines of the liberal media, you can get the real news!  


Labor calls for troop commitment to Afghanistan

Labor's defence spokesman, Robert McClelland, says Australia needs to redeploy troops to Afghanistan after an attack today against a US helicopter left 17 missing.

Mr McClelland says the attack, during an American assault against Al Qaeda in the east of the country, proves that Afghanistan is still the terrorism "frontline".

He says the drug trade in Afghanistan has flourished again and is being used to finance terrorist groups.

"This is our concern we suspect the Government will actually wait until they return troops from Iraq and put them in Afghanistan," he said.

OK, let's get one thing straight.  Americans don't give a damn about Frontline or any of that PBS propaganda, so save it for the lesbians in line at the abortion mills, bucko!  Suggesting more troops at a time like this only highlights American casualties.  

Afghanistan opium trade booming

A report released by the United Nations says the efforts to see Southeast Asia declared virtually opium-free in coming years have been dashed by rising opium production in Afghanistan.

The report says Southeast Asia's decline in opium is one of the world's eradication success stories, with regional production plummeting 78 percent since 1996.

But Afghanistan is now producing about 87 percent of the world's supply of opium, which is the base narcotic from which heroin is produced.

So what?  You can make anything out of anything.  Look, if the Afghans want to make Opium or Polo or Chaps, that's fine.  Prosperity is part of Freedom™.  And Democracy™.  So long as American intelletual property like CK-1 is protected, only the liberals will complain.  

Now why would a reporter want to tell people how to make drugs, hmmmmm?  

Militants infiltrated into Cent. Asia from Afghanistan: Putin

MOSCOW, June 29 (PTI) Russian President Vladimir Putin has said his country's intelligence has information about infiltration of militants from bases in Afghanistan into former Soviet Central Asian republics and Moscow has briefed its allies in the region.
"You know that we had intelligence on militants infiltrating (the region) from Afghanistan," Putin said while receiving Uzbek President Islam Karimov at his Novo-Ogoryovo countryside retreat near Moscow last night.  

Well, my heart bleeds for Karimov.  His alliance with Bush has left his country vulnerable to attacks from Liberated Afghanistan, where Freedom™ reigns! That's because they're having to run away from Bush in the south!  But you'll never read that in the liberal media.  


Kabul, 27 June (AKI) - With violence in Afghanistan on the rise, the senior United Nations envoy to the country is calling for cooperation between the authorities, international forces and Pakistan's government to stem the bloodshed and provide hope for lasting stability. Jean Arnault, head of the UN Assistance Mission in Afghanistan (UNAMA), has also warned the UN Security Council that the ongoing insecurity is affecting preparations for Afghanistan's upcoming elections and is being made worse by rampant corruption and fallout from the country's thriving drug trade.

Recent incidents include the murder of cleric Maulawi Abdullah Fayaz, a massacre at the Abdul Rab Akhundzada Mosque, the murder of 11 employees of Chemonics and their relatives, the murder of five deminers, the beheading of Mullah Ida Khan in his madrassa and last week's cold-blooded execution of at least four Afghan police in Kandahar province. In addition, there have been several fatal attacks against people involved in the upcoming elections.

While the south of the country has been most affected, other parts of the Afghanistan are far from immune. In Paktika, members of local shura (consultation) councils, a teacher and a religious figure have been killed by extremist elements. And insecurity has also worsened in Nangarhar.

A Frenchman at the UN reports that blah blah blah.  

I'm sorry.  You lost me at "Frenchman."  

Meanwhile, Bush is busily exporting American style Democracy™ to Iraq!  


US to expand Iraq prisons to house 16,000 inmates

(AP) 29 June 2005
BAGHDAD -- The US military said it plans to expand its prisons across Iraq to hold as many as 16,000 detainees, as the relentless insurgency shows no sign of letup one year after the transfer of sovereignty to Iraqi authorities.

Gee, I wonder what other sovereign nations the US will build prisons on next?  Castro must be getting jealous!  

Under fire on Iraq, Bush plays 9/11 trump card

Wednesday, 29 June , 2005, 13:45
Fort Bragg, North Carolina: President George W. Bush late on Tuesday invoked the name of Osama bin Laden and the horror of September 11, in a speech designed to stiffen wavering public backing for his tactics in Iraq.

Bush referred to the 2001 attacks though he was sure to infuriate critics who claim he exploited the tragedy to wage a premeditated war to oust Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.

Opponents have also assailed Bush for painting the Iraq war as a key front in his anti-terror campaign, a tactic he used in his successful re-election battle against Democratic Senator John Kerry last year.

Bush drew his latest parallel between the conflict and the terror strikes, which killed nearly 3,000 people on US soil, in a nationally televised speech from an army base in Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

Mentioning "September 11" five times, Bush also made rare reference to Al Qaeda mastermind bin Laden, still at large despite a huge US-led manhunt.

"The terrorists can kill the innocent, but they cannot stop the advance of freedom," Bush said, referring to attacks on US troops and Iraqi civilians.

"The only way our enemies can succeed is if we forget the lessons of September 11," Bush said, invoking the period of American resolve, which even his critics admit was his finest hour in the White House.

"Some wonder whether Iraq is a central front in the war on terror," Bush said. "Among the terrorists, there is no debate. Hear the words of Osama bin Laden. 'This Third World War ... is raging in Iraq. 'The whole world is watching this war'."

"Trump card"?  Sify news?  More like SISSIFY NEWS!  YOU'RE FIRED!!!  

I'm glad the whole world is watching this war.  That way, the whole world can see what we're capable of, and what we're made of.  After all, if Osama thinks that Iraq is important, that that's good enough for me!  You see, we conservatives respect the views of people of faith.  You liberals just don't get that.  

US firm facing $1.4bn question over Iraq bill
By Francis Harris in Washington

(Filed: 29/06/2005)
The biggest private American contractor in Iraq routinely inflated cost estimates, overcharged and supplied unnecessary equipment, according to evidence made public by Democratic senators.

Quoting US Army audit reports, the congressmen alleged that the oil services firm Halliburton had run up a total of $1.4 billion (£770 million) in questionable costs.

In addition, the hearings heard evidence from Bunny Greenhouse, the senior procurement official at the US Corps of Engineers, who said that the contracts were improperly awarded.

"I can unequivocally state that the abuse related to contracts awarded to (Halliburton subsidiary) KBR represents the most blatant and improper contract abuse I have witnessed," she said.

The Republicans refused to join the hearings, arguing that they were politically motivated. The vice-president, Dick Cheney, was Halliburton's chief executive from 1995 to 2000 but has severed his ties with the business.

Snort!  Yeah, that Army report came from Democrat Senators.  Enough said!  Period!!!  

"Bunny Greenhouse"?  Yeah, like THAT'S a real name.  It's like, "hi, I'm Hothouse Marmoset, here to hate America for the liberal media!"  

Whatever.  America's not dumbed down enough for this any more.  

Veteran of Iraq war denied trip home to Cuba


WASHINGTON -- Cuban-American Carlos Lazo won a Bronze Star for caring for his wounded comrades in Iraq, but he can't get to Cuba to care for a sick son.

Hello?  Liberal reporter?  HE WAS TRYING TO GO TO CUBA?!?!  Cu-fucking-bah?  As in the Castro?  Man, how stupid do you think Americans are?  We already learned that Cubans don't care about their sons.  Clinton didn't get that and it cost him the election!  

War of mosques is shattering Iraq's hopes

The gunmen are finally succeeding in pushing the sectarian tension between Shiite and Sunni toward the final abyss of all-out civil war

By Peter Beaumont
Wednesday, Jun 29, 2005,Page 9

When they killed Abdul Sattar Saffar al-Khazraji, he was waiting for the minibus that would take him to his work as a laboratory supervisor at Nahrain University.

At 8am, as the 30-year-old stood with other workers commuting from the Harriya district of Baghdad, two Opel cars sped up and blocked the road either side of him.

Two men on a motorbike roared into the gap left by the cars. The passenger fired at Abdul Sattar with a pistol as they approached, wounding him in the shoulder. As he collapsed in pain, the gunman delivered the coup de grace, putting a bullet into his head.

In a city where assassination is commonplace, one more killing goes unremarked. Yet Abdul Sattar's death is a reminder of Iraq's most critical question: whether, after two years of insurgency, the bombers of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and their allies are succeeding in a central aim -- pushing a bruised population towards civil conflict.

For the significance of Abdul Sattar was his religion. He was a Sunni. His crime, friends say, was that he was pious and visible, a community leader well known for his involvement in charity and other religious works.

In Harriya, to the city's north -- occupied by both Sunni and Shiite -- he was an obvious target. It is Shiite gunmen that his friends blame for his murder. And they are most certainly right.


In mixed areas of Baghdad, a low-level, tit-for-tat, sectarian conflict has been going on

OK, I'm gonna stop it right there, but I just wanted to show you that, in a country that's drowning in sexual filth, this writer could even get through an article on Iraq without working SEX into the equation.  It's a good thing there are strong Americans like Dick Cheney out there to help clean up the discourse.  

But also notice the not-so-subtle insinuation of religious conflict in Iraq.  Nice try, but I know that Iraq is a M-U-S-L-I-M country, it's all ONE RELIGION.  It's not like it's Northern Ireland or anything, where Christians and Catholics go around kneecapping each other all the time.  We've got this whole dramatic story here, and they paint it as some great mystery who killed this guy.  I'll tell you who killed this guy:  a terrorist!  It's that simple.  This is what Bush is trying to stop.  

US Offensives in Iraq Meeting More Casualties and Increased

 With the failures of both Operations Spear and Dagger in recent months, the US is pulling out "Operation Sword" in hopes of containing the expanding resistance in Iraq.

Operation Sword, a joint offensive involving more than 1,000 US troops and Iraqi forces, was launched against the resistance in western Iraq on Tuesday.

The offensive, considered the third major such military action in the area in recent weeks, is targeting communities along the Euphrates River between the towns of Hit and Haditha in the volatile Anbar province, said US spokesman Marine Capt. Jeffrey Pool.

This is the kind of Durbin defeatism we cannot afford in this country.  I know that these operations weren't failures because I've got numbers.  Lot's of numbers.  Big numbers, too, some of them.  One of the towns is already called "Hit."  Not too long before we'll be reading about a raid on "Hit and Smacked" because they've both been pacified.  Pacified into the stoned age like Reagan would have done!  

You can't fool someone that's got moral clarity.  

Originally posted to Grand Moff Texan on Wed Jun 29, 2005 at 10:53 AM PDT.

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Comment Preferences

  •  This: (none)
    One of the towns is already called "Hit."  Not too long before we'll be reading about a raid on "Hit and Smacked" because they've both been pacified.  Pacified into the stoned age like Reagan would have done!  

    You can't fool someone that's got moral clarity.  

    was the straw that broke the camel's back, as they say.  I had to get up and walk away from the computer.

    Thanks for this.  Wonderful, as always.

    "History drips in the dark..." Robert Penn Warren

    by khowell on Wed Jun 29, 2005 at 11:25:50 AM PDT

  •  Way OT: Putin (none)
    Russian President Vladimir Putin walked off with New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft's diamond-encrusted 2005 Super Bowl ring, but was it a generous gift or a very expensive international misunderstanding?

    Following a meeting of American business executives and Putin at Konstantinovsky Palace near St. Petersburg on Saturday, Kraft showed the ring to Putin -- who tried it on, put it in his pocket and left, said Russian news reports.

    Oh, that Puttie, he's a card.

    Sell your cleverness; buy bewilderment.

    by lapin on Wed Jun 29, 2005 at 11:35:22 AM PDT

  •  put (none)
    your hear between your knees and breath deeply and evenly. Feeling better yet?
  •  Sorry, GMT, (none)
    you just don't fake ignorance very convincingly.

    I love the premise of the diary, though.  Try making a little less sense next time :-)

    Visit - a blended double-tequila margarita of pop culture & LA nightlife.

    by KB on Wed Jun 29, 2005 at 12:10:42 PM PDT

  •  <freepermode> (none)
    wow, grand moff!!! you really showed them! i'd say you've got the MSM on the run and no mistake.

    only one thing i think you oughta back off of if you're going to post here in faux-freeperburg:

    ...Israel's Yediot Aharonot

    Hello?  Israel?  Didn't you get the memo? ...So take your funny little customs and your funny little country and go kill someone else's Savior next time, OK?

    dude, chill.  yeah we all know their ancestors killed g-d's only son, but don't forget that genesis 12:3 is still in play, so we have to be careful what we say where the man upstairs might hear, kappeesh?

    and of course even without that, today's state of israel is a lone bastion of bellipotent democracy in a sea of slavering subhuman jihadjis!  obivously they absorbed some real civilizatian while they were on the dieasporra in europe ( i think i read some genetic study proving that the jews got smarter as a result of livingin northern europe or something...)

    that said, all this quote proves is that the lying MSM is a global problem!!!  because the state and people of israel are clearly not the same as the secularized gay communist media jews that are obsessed with destroying our patirotic presidnet!!!  i don't think they're covered by genesis 12:3 at all, so this "yidiot aholonot" can kiss my where the sun don't shine!?!?1


    uhhhh... head spinning... don't feel so good.  what was in that kool-aid anyway?

    l'homme est né libre, et partout il est dans les fers

    by zeke L on Wed Jun 29, 2005 at 12:35:17 PM PDT

  •  Goldfish in Freepervison (4.00)

    Come see the house that Tom Delay built.

    by Goldfish on Wed Jun 29, 2005 at 01:22:58 PM PDT

  •  You almost had me conviced (none)
    that you'd turned to the dark side until you made reference to PBS' "Frontline." I doubt any freepers know of the show's existence (or any other PBS show not mentioned in a talking point). Excellent diary nonetheless.
  •  Another beauty (none)
    yew purty thang, yew. :)

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