Movies. Motherhood. Missions.
Movies are something I can share with my son. He and I both have a knack for remembering lines. We both nitpick when there are sloppy edits. We normally watch fun movies. Movies that make us laugh, forget, movies that take us away.
The resemblance was eerie and astonishing! Leonardo's character even SOUNDED like my son. The way he laughs, the way he cries. The shrieks of joy. The shrieks of panic. And the whole "Say (fill in the blank). Say it!" instructions he gives us all. The same questions over and over. I was half expecting him to start reciting Bond flicks. The fingers and head movements were exactly his. Cripes. That actor had it NAILED. Sorry.. it just totally floored me.
Console, protect, and try to be patient.
The above is almost exactly how I spent one Saturday afternoon when Wesley wasn't invited to a movie that his sister was. Later on he got to go with his dad. I think the hardest part of any disability is the loneliness.
The terror he felt and continues to feel when something reminds him of when he thought he had hurt a kitten forever when he accidentally stepped on it's foot. "But the kitty SCREAMED! I make kitty SCREAM"
The patiently repeated responses from Gilbert to Arnie. The trying certain calming techniques.. WHILE strangers are watching and second guessing and playing armchair quarterback. The expectations of others... the one moment you relax is when something bad will happen and everyone can stand in judgement. Could see how Arnie would escalate ... seems easier to see when from afar.
Very good movie. Hard movie. The candy aisle situation! Wesley will ask me first, I say, "no" or "just one" and he'll ask someone else and accept THEIR answer over mine if it suits him. Wesley laughed at that scene and the "Where's Arnie, SAY 'Where's Arnie'" (tree scenes).
He's about to turn 13. The older he gets the more I realize he'll probably be living with me forever. Maybe a studio apartment on our property. And that's okay, he makes life more beautiful and interesting.
Most say I am his teacher his advocate. I think I am able to be these things for him as I have constantly accepted the role of being Wesley's student also. I will never learn or appreciate so much as he has taught and shown me.
The Obese Mother issue... Wasn't it enough to have a movie about Arnie and his brother??? The "they'll have to use a crane" hit home as that's something me and my brother have been trying to find a remedy for - just in case. Something the Talibaptists in our family keep hounding us about as if it's going to come out of their own pocket. They are so ready to bury her and we're trying to help her live. Typical. The nursing home we had her in let her go. But there was sweet relief for a few months. Got her dental needs met even and some PT. New cane and bathroom accessories.
I'm rambling. But sometimes I have to write these feelings, thoughts down so that I can make room for all the "sunshine" that Wesley brings into my life. I can't stroll through my days with such heavy matters weighing in. Therefore I jot them down and I leave them for others to see and soak.
Maybe that is the only real "burden" (not my term at all - society tends to think I am a poor, burdened soul because my child is different).... maybe my real burden is having so much to share about something that many can't comprehend.
Okay, it's out there. Now we can watch James Bond and eat Eskimo Pies. Life is beautiful.
Now I can be what I need to be so that he can be everything he wants to be.