What could Karl Rove do with his considerable skills when faced with unemployment? Hmmmmm. Vinay Menon of the Toronto Star penned a few
suggestions on how the Lord of Darkness could do for network television what as he has done for American politics:
- Eliminate his network's liberal bias
- Create a semi-autobiographical show called Turd Blossom!
- Weave administration talking points directly into scripts
- Persuade media buyers to ignore ratings
- Start televising the death penalty
- Cast Robert Novak in a new political thriller
- Build direct marketing campaigns for loyal advertisers
- Begin morning programming with the Ten Commandments
- Two words: Republican Idol
- Three words: Democrat Fear Factor
- Five words: Do Not Meet the Press
- Hire Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage to star in an "ideological makeover show" called Conservative Eye for the Liberal Guy
- Replace news anchors with televangelists
- Develop an alarmist crime drama called Blue State Blues
- Invent a new slogan: "What Real Patriots are Watching"
- Stack focus groups with haughty members of the Parents Television Council
- Pull strings at the White House to ban competing news organizations
- Import cheap programming from Iraq and Afghanistan
- Prevent Canadian actors from appearing in prime time
- Cite looming apocalypse as reason to spend recklessly
- Get Dick Cheney to star in a Sopranos knock-off
- Create a newsmagazine for Ann Coulter called Treason TV
- Work with the NSA to make certain TV critics "disappear"
- Commission Mark Burnett to develop an Apprentice-like show where anti-abortion conservatives compete against pro-choice liberals for a clerical position with the Supreme Court
- Leak the names of winners from rival "reality" shows