NEW YORK (Snarkers News Service) 9/1/2005 - In an expected but, nevertheless, saddening press release published this morning in PW Daily, the World Organization of Science-Fiction, Fantasy and Thriller Writers (WOSFFTW) announced that it was formally disbanding and its members moving on to other careers. "Regrettably, over the past five years, it's become increasingly and excruciatingly clear to our members that their skills are no longer needed," said spokesperson, Shailagh Smoltz. "World events, especially those involving America and its current government, have simply passed us by. We can no longer keep up, much less stay ahead of developments."
Indeed, many authors have traced the beginning of their decline to the 2000 Election Campaign in America and its outcome. "Yeah, I started to see the handwriting on the wall back then," commented prominent Sci-Fi author, Neal Stephenson, struggling to maintain his composure. "The stuff that was coming out of George Bush's mouth even during the run up to the vote, simplistic and raw as it was - very powerful stuff. And then, Katherine Harris and the recount - all the way to the Supreme Court! I just . . . excuse me for a second . . . And then, the 'Iraq War Justification' and the sequel, 'Noble Cause' . . . Wow! It's absolutely amazing to me that Bush and his collaborators progressed so far so fast. The list goes on and on - stem cells, Global Warming, Intelligent Design - that whole crowd of geniuses! And then, to top it all off, this thing Bush himself did the other day about, 'No one could have anticipated the levee breaking' . . .I mean, I just can't make shit up like that!"
Though often hailed for her own "Dragonworld" series, Ursula K. LeGuin bitterly agreed. "These guys in Washington have created such an amazingly complete and self-reinforcing fantasy world. I simply can't compete with that level of creativity anymore. I'm too old for this shit."
Not all fantasy-genre authors were willing to give up the fight, however. J.K. Rowling, of Harry Potter fame said, "Look, just because what they're putting out there is being widely consumed by people at the intellectual and emotional level of third-graders, doesn't mean that it's entirely appropriate, nor does it means that they have that market locked up. In fact, although my base readership is, for the most part, shall we say, somewhat more evolved, I still do quite well in the same demographic."
Dan Brown, on the other hand, seemed resigned to his new status. "Well, y'know, it was a short run, but it was a good one for me. And my hat's off to 'em. Their plots, so devious, so intricately conceived, misdirection and MacGuffins at every turn, starting right off the bat with the 2000 vote! And, of course, I'm still waiting to see how this whole Valerie Plame thing turns out in the next installment (due to be published before the end of September 2005 by Fitzgerald and GJ)."
"They are truly the masters now," Brown continued. "I'm just thankful that I had an opportunity to participate in the end of an era and to compete for awhile."
When asked what the future held for him, Brown replied, "Well, there's always Burger King. Or maybe Home Depot. I hear they still offer benefits."
Meanwhile, the editors that had guided the work of the organizations members, far from being left in the lurch, appear to mostly have gotten work in the broadcast news industry. "It was an amazingly easy and natural transition," said one former fantasy editor who requested to remain anonymous.
The reaction to the announcement from members of the Comedy Writers and Performers Guild (CWPG) expressed disappointment and was tactfully subdued, considering their recent, contrasting success. "It's really too bad, especially about, like, Dan Brown, for instance, said Jon Stewart. "Such scintillating prose. But, well, while members of our organization empathize, we can't
complain. We've really never had it so easy. I mean, ever since Bush first hit the campaign trail, as you know, the bits have just been writing themselves."
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