WASHINGTON - In a surprise announcement from the White House today, Jesus Christ resigned from President Bush's administration... (there's more)
WASHINGTON - In a surprise announcement from the White House today, Jesus Christ resigned from President Bush's administration. Christ has been extremely critical of Bush's handling of the Katrina relief efforts, but his resignation came as a surprise to most on Capitol Hill.
"It is clear that my point of view is no longer welcomed by this White House," said Christ, "and I feel that the policies being pursued have not reflected my beliefs for some time. There is a time to pray, and then there is a time to call off your vacation or put down My Pet Goat, and get to work. Faith based my ass..."
Insiders however, say that the resignation is a welcome relief to the President. "Mr. Christ has a very liberal slant that the President was not aware of when he appointed him to his cabinet. And frankly, the President was getting fed up with his holier-than-thou attitude." said an unnamed White House staffer.
Ken (Bud) Mehlman, chairman of the Republican National Committee, said that the resignation was politically motivated and questioned it's timing. "The bottom line is that Christ was no longer in the loop and really served no useful purpose in this White House." said Mehlman. "It should be very apparent that Christ is a partisan opportunist and is just trying to sell more copies of his book by smearing the President. Christ should be ashamed for exploiting a natural disaster. And by natural disaster, I'm referring to Katrina, not the President."
Christ also took the opportunity to dismiss rumors that he suggested assassinating televangelist Pat Robertson. "Look, if I wanted him dead, it would be done already," said Christ, "and I certainly wouldn't need to hire a sniper. I'm Jesus fucking Christ. Are you kidding me?"
Christ said he will spend more time with his family while considering offers from the private sector, but will most likely return to the family business that his father started years ago.