REUTERS - In an attempt to get a head start in advance of another hurricane disaster, the Bush Administration has announced that it will begin screwing up early.
"We are hoping," a White House official was quoted as saying, "that by being as stupid and negligent as we can possibly be right away, we can shorten the amount of time needed to remove our heads from our asses once the disaster actually hits. Assuming, of course, that we are able to do so at all."
This program will be called Operation Preventative Clusterfuck.
"For example, citizens of Texas are being advised to take shelter in cardboard boxes or under piles of rags. The Texan National Guard is currently staging an invasion of St. Lucia. We are actively removing food from local supermarkets and ordering all citizens to arm themselves to the teeth. The Army Corps of Engineers is actively destroying houses so as to deny the hurricane the satisfaction of doing so."
The White House added that FEMA had been placed under the temporary control of Pat Robertson and Grover Norquist.
As for the President himself, he is reported to be devoting much his time to naps and planning his next vacation, which will begin on Thursday and last for five months.
An anoymous inside source said that officials attempted to convince the President to participate fully, as his incompetent interference would undoubtedly help get Operation Preventative Clusterfuck off the ground. In response, the President is said to have rolled over in his bed and farted.