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Dear Judy:

I read with interest newspaper accounts of your recent meetings at the Special Prosecutor's office, and the several days of follow up testimony before the Grand Jury. My reaction was one of surprise to say the least.

You will recall my earlier letter to you prior to your release from prison. I call your attention to the closing paragraph which I will now cite:

"You went to jail in the summer. It is fall now. You will have stories to cover -- Iraqi elections and suicide bombers, biological threats and the Iranian nuclear program. Out West, where you vacation, the aspens will already be turning. They turn in clusters, because their roots connect them. Come back to work -- and life."

Upon reflection it appears you may have failed to catch the gist of my original intent.

There seems, in fact, if the accounts of your recent testimony are to be accepted as accurate, to have been some slight misunderstanding. In fact some might characterize the scope of this misunderstanding as more than slight. I trust it may have by now occurred to you that in mentioning such things as your vacation home and the local flora, I was invoking a form of poetic license, and was not intending necessarily to have been construed in strictly literal terms.

Of deepest concern to me are reports suggesting that you have discussed with the special prosecutor's office details of our meeting in June of 2003. While your release from jail delighted me, and your limited testimony of last week filled me with a transcendent feeling of appreciation you and your important work, your subsequent acceptance of another opportunity to testify does present certain logistical problems for me, which I would like to address with you now in the spirit of comity and candor.

You seem to have missed certain essential metaphors in my first missive to you, so I thought I would take the opportunity now to walk you through them, in hopes that they might sink in better. To whit: The aspens will be turning. As in "the aspens." Get it? Turning. T-U-R-N-I-N-G. I could have a picture drawn for you (one of my staffers does excellent charcoal studies in her spare time, which she guards very closely, her spare time that is, not the charcoal studies) but I would prefer the imagery work on your imagination that you may better read between the lines. Furthermore, "turning in clusters." CLUSTERS. Is this ringing any bells for you? You really need to work with me here a little. "Their roots connect them." It seems that on this one as well you seem not to have grasped my full intent. They have roots, you see. As in roots into the ground. Think of trees. Like an aspen, for instance. The roots referred to above connect, as it were. They're "connected." Is any of this getting through to you now on second reading? I'm quite prepared to accept that my references to elections, suicide bombings, biohazards, and nukes could have thrown you off the scent, but I really thought that the tree metaphors would have turned the lights on for you.

Now that you have gone ahead and amplified your earlier testimony to the prosecutor, who apparently was unaware of our June meetings until your rather inconvenient "discovery" of additional "notes," it is no longer the time to obsess over what is past. As Shakespeare's Richard II says (I know how much our old mutual friend Lee Atwater used to love to hear you recite the English Histories to him, over morning coffee and cigarettes): "After sentence, 'plaining comes too late." Therefore, in the interest of moving forward in the most productive way possible, let me conclude with these final thoughts.

Autumn is upon us. The plaintive cries of "trick or treat" will soon fill the air. Some children will rejoice, others will find their apples laced with razor blades. Witches and goblins are figments of the imagination, but the contents of the plastic pumpkin bucket are corporeally real. Your days of detention are over, you've resumed life, love, and work, but I hope you'll still take time to bob for the occasional apple, picking wisely the Winesap from the Cortland, the ripe from the worm-holed, as you struggle submerged face down in the water, hands gingerly tied behind you to make the game fair. Then after the parties have ended and the costumes are hung up, you'll drop by for movie night, and we'll feast on Coppola, just like back in the 70s, when Bolton used to get us in to Studio. We'll revisit our old arguments as to whether Part II exceeds Part I in brilliance (of course forgoing all mention of Part III, what was he thinking?), and I'll refer you to the scene at the end when Michael arranges for Fredo to fish for bass out on that glorious Nevada lake, where he then shuffles off this mortal coil with a shotgun blast to the head.

I trust this time I have made my intentions plain to you, without resorting to stating overtly what I would prefer to remain implicit. Hopefully, it will all be crystal clear to you now. Or as the caretaker of my villa near Taormina used to say, "capisce?"

Originally posted to mrblifil on Wed Oct 12, 2005 at 10:20 AM PDT.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Don't shoot the messenger (4.00)
    I'm only passing along what's channeled to me during my time in the sensory deprivation tank.
    •  Time to change the channel. (none)
      Seriously though...

      "...as you struggle submerged face down in the water, hands gingerly tied behind you..."

      When it says Libby's, Libby's, Libbys, on the return address, Judy should definitely read between the lines.

      "I was so easy to defeat, I was so easy to control, I didn't even know there was a war."

      by RonV on Wed Oct 12, 2005 at 10:20:55 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  He'll make an offer (4.00)
    that she can't ignore

    "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." - H.L. Mencken

    by dataguy on Wed Oct 12, 2005 at 10:19:14 AM PDT

  •  That was Wonderful... (4.00)
    I saw another draft of that letter...well, actually it was hypothetically telepathed to me by a -shall we say- alien from Alpha Centurai...at any rate, it contained the passage:

    "Someday soon it will be Christmas, and some of us may live long enough to see it, some of us may not.  You may remember Germanic traditions where the good children get a treat in their stocking and the bad children get a lump of coal, often accompanied by a good switching.  I know from our many conversations that you are able to differentiate between Good and Bad and that's what makes you such a fine, if not helpful, reporter."

    I guess Libby may have taken that paragraph out for some reason.

    "We're all working for the Pharoah" - Richard Thompson

    by mayan on Wed Oct 12, 2005 at 10:23:49 AM PDT

  •  Too funny! (4.00)
    I choked on my coke at this:

    Some children will rejoice, others will find their apples laced with razor blades.

    And the can was a nice touch!  

    Arrogant lips are unsuited to a fool-- how much worse lying lips to a ruler - Proverbs 17:7

    by Barbara Morrill on Wed Oct 12, 2005 at 10:24:36 AM PDT

  •  you forgot (none)
    to put "BREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at the beginning of your subject line.
  •  translation of aspen (4.00)
    aspen = quaking ass pen

    be afraid,  if you pen (write) the wrong thing you are f**ked.

    SOCIAL SECURITY: Invented by Democrats yesterday, Protected by Democrats today

    by mollyd on Wed Oct 12, 2005 at 10:53:16 AM PDT

  •  Key line is the allusion to Part I vs Part II (4.00)
    The reference, which perhaps only Judy would know, is not to Coppola, and hence to Parts I, II (or III) of the Godfather. No. Reflect back to the mention of Shakespeare and Richard II in the prepenultimate paragraph. That clues Judy in to the fact that the Parts I and II referred to in the next paragraph are really to Shakespeare's Henry IV, Parts I and II. (Richard II being the King that Henry IV has murdered so he may ascend the throne, throwing thereby the kingdom into a pall of guilt and regicide --- Can you not see that Richard II refers to...Al Gore!)

    This is significant, because the classic "turning" in all of literature is that of rowdy Prince Hal into the super-serious King Henry V, which takes place in the progression from Part I to Part II in the above mentioned plays.

    In other words, he's telling Judy: "Okay, the fun is over. We're getting serious now. The party and the days of roguery and theiving are over. We must become like statesmen now, put the personal behind us and gird our loins for war." Or something like this.

    (What about the allusion to Part III, you ask. Well, as most English majors know, the play Henry V, with its repeat of the Falstaff role, is de facto considered the last in the triad of the Henry plays of that period.)

    "Now, neighbor confines, purge you of your scum."  Henry IV, Part II, Act 4, Sc. 5

  •  please everyone (4.00)
    let's all contribute at least one bogus "humor" diary per day such as this one. the sooner all those informative diaries will fall off.
  •  snarkalicious! [n/t] (none)

    we'd better decide now if we are going to be fearless men or scared boys.
    — e.d. nixon, montgomery improvement association

    by zeke L on Wed Oct 12, 2005 at 02:31:07 PM PDT

  •  Dear Scooter (none)
    I can't express in words how much your correspondence has meant to me over the last few months. It's wonderful to be back at work, where I can speak to my lawyers wearing something that is not orange.  Its fall now, and the winds of change are blowing.  The pancakes are flipping.  They flip one at the time, over the sizzling oil sprayed on the griddle. You could call pancakes yellow cake, but the flour comes from canisters that are the wrong shape.

    Dearest Scooter, you will always be embedded in my heart. But its time now for me to finish the pancakes.  

    Love always,
    Judy
    XOXOXOXOXO  

    "Our enemy is innovative and resourceful and so are we. Our enemy never stops thinking of new ways to harm us and our country, and neither do we." G.W. Bush

    by litigatormom on Wed Oct 12, 2005 at 04:53:08 PM PDT

  •  Libby's poem (none)
    Is fantatstic.  We can read all sorts of things into it.  Out west means the West wing to me.  The aspens (probably all of the presidents people) are turning.  Does this mean they are turning states witness or something like that? Tied at the roots is pretty obvious.  We are all in this together baby.  And come back to work instead of go back to work (as someone else suggested) means come back to the west wing shilling you have been doing for us.  Life is obviously as opposed to jail and death.

    Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities-Voltaire

    by hairspray on Wed Oct 12, 2005 at 05:20:34 PM PDT

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