For those who missed it, here's a quick transcript of Bill O'Reilly's appearance on The Daily Show yesterday. Some highlights:
JS: Who do you pick on more? Cindy Sheehan or the neocons?
BOR: The neocons? Both of them get it in the no-spin zone. Nobody escapes.
BOR: Look at you. (to audience) You oughta know this, the world could blow the hell up, he'd be giggling. 'How many people are dead in Katrina? How can we make fun of it? Let's get Colbert in here, let's get the other guy Lewis in here, we'll make fun of the hurricane.'
JS: The thing is, when was the last time France truly mattered? Don't you feel like that's what's wearing you down? Your outrage must be channeled to -- I don't know if you know this, but they never found weapons of mass destruction, you know? They went to Iraq. Why don't you go after those guys? What are you, seven foot five? Go after those guys!
JS: How you doin?
BOR: Alright, before we get started, somebody told me, walking in here, you got some French guy on after you making fun of me, is that true?
JS: Let me tell you something, my friend. I smell the fear. Don't think I don't smell it. Colbert is on your ass and he is gonna be - you know why?
BOR: Colbert?
JS: Colbert.
BOR: Is he in the country legally?
JS: Now that hurts. That hurts, my friend.
BOR: French guy, right?
JS: He is in fact part of the South Carolina aristocracy. He came over --
BOR: Slave owner?
JS: -- not on the Mayflower. I believe he is. I believe he has a team running a ring. Let me ask you a question. Why so angry?
(audience laughs, applauds)
JS: I look at Bill O'Reilly, and I tell you this. It looks to me that life is good. You got a book, O'Reilly Factor, even a spin-off, for the kids.
BOR: For the kids, yeah.
JS: Because you love. You got a hot show, and yet I still see a certain grumpiness.
BOR: It's a lot of wrongs we have to right in this world. We have to take on a lot of bad people, people like --
(audience and JS laugh)
JS: And when are you gonna start doing that?
BOR: We're gonna do that.
(applause)
JS: Here's the thing. You seem madder at people that don't, uh, have anything -- do you know what I mean?
BOR: I'm picking on the little guy? Is that what you're telling me? Picking on the little guy?
JS: Who do you pick on more? Cindy Sheehan or the neocons?
BOR: The neocons? Both of them get it in the no-spin zone. Nobody escapes.
(audience and JS laugh)
JS: What?! Nobody escapes?
BOR: Look, tell the audience the truth. You don't watch show, you're watching the French guy.
JS: No no no no no.
BOR: You're not watching my show.
JS: It's only been one night with the French guy.
BOR: I saw you guys in a bar together, I know you hang.
JS: And I gotta tell you this. It is quite good. It's quite funny, French or no French.
(applause)
JS: But because I'm reading an article today, and this is true, in an article today in Newsday, you're actually talking about retirement. You're talking about being tired of doing this, it's wearing you down.
BOR: Well I've been doing this for nine years.
(applause)
JS: (to audience) Oh, that's not right.
BOR: I mean, look. I've been doing it for nine years. We fight a lot of battles. And I don't know how long I'm gonna do it. But I have to basically bring every night, to the table, a sense of outrage, because there's lots of things wrong. You know, we're not playing it for giggles like you.
(JS laughs)
Here's where it starts to get ugly
BOR: Look at you. (to audience) You oughta know this, the world could blow the hell up, he'd be giggling [???]. 'How many people are dead in Katrina? How can we make fun of it? Let's get Colbert in here, let's get the other guy Lewis in here, we'll make fun of the hurricane.'
JS: You know, I will --
BOR: See, that's what you do.
JS: I will say this. We do add insult to injury.
BOR: You do.
JS: But! But!
BOR: See, he's an honest man.
JS: But, you add injury.
(applause)
BOR: I do. I'll cop to that.
JS: Here's the thing. I do like the fact that you don't always go right down the line.
BOR: You almost said "I do like The Factor". You almost did it.
(crosstalk)
JS: I do enjoy watching it because you won't go purely knee-jerk, but it does seem like -- are you still doing the boycott of France?
BOR: Yes, we're boycotting France.
JS: Oh, for godsakes.
BOR: That's why we can't watch Colbert.
(audience boos)
BOR: (to audience) Oh stop, will you? What are you people, from Marseille?
BOR: (really stupid voice) Uhhhhh, give me more wine!
BOR: These are our enemies over there!
JS: France?
BOR: What is the matter with you?
(audience boos)
BOR: Every time we turn around -- (to audience) oh stop it, will you?
JS: The thing is, when was the last time France truly mattered? Don't you feel like that's what's wearing you down? Your outrage must be channeled to -- I don't know if you know this, but they never found weapons of mass destruction, you know? They went to Iraq. Why don't you go after those guys? What are you, seven foot five? Go after those guys!
BOR: Of course I've gone after those guys! What's the matter with you?
JS: No.
BOR: Buying into this left-wing line.
JS: (laughs) What?!
BOR: Jeez, you pinhead --
(JS cracks up again, audience boos)
BOR: If you think France is our friend, it's ridiculous.
JS: No no no, I didn't say they were our friend.
BOR: Come on, then why not be outraged against them, we saved their butt in World War II. Read a book!
JS: We did, that is a good point. But let me say this.
BOR: Come on! (to audience) And you, I'm coming up there.
JS: If this were the Peanuts series, France is Marcy. Every now and again, she shows up, she's standing next to Peppermint Patty, but nothing's happening with France. You know who's the problem? Fuckin' Lucy! She's the problem! Go after Lucy!
(applause)
BOR: The Republican 'neocons', as you say, fear us more than anybody. They don't come on the program.
JS: Who's us?
BOR: The Factor.
JS: Oh.
(laughter)
BOR: I mean, Bodman, the Energy Secretary --
JS: I thought you were throwing me in there for a second.
JS: What about this: do you trust anything that comes out of the administration's mouth anymore?
BOR: I don't trust any politicians, period.
JS: None of em?
BOR: None. I think they're all basically --
JS: They're dead to you.
BOR: They're in it for themselves.
JS: So you're on our team?
BOR: No. No.
(laughter)
JS: I'm gonna hold the book up, because I think that's the right thing to do.
BOR: The O'Reilly Factor for Kids.
(laughter)
JS: I'm not even going there.
JS: The O'Reilly Factor for Kids, the paperback is on the bookshelves now, it's a bestseller, Bill O'Reilly!