Dear Mr. Bush,
With all of the confusing stuff going onright now, you must have a big head ache.
I know it's hard work to be president, and you've stuck to it for longer than anything else you've ever done in your whole life! No one would dare call you a quitter for wanting to leave it all behind and go clear some brush.
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But this is a sticky issue, and with all of the investigations and backstabbing going on right now, you might not know who to trust, who to ask about this. But I know two people who are on your side:
Denny and Teddy! Denny's the fat guy from Illinois, and Teddy's the old fart from Alaska. They want to help you, but you've got to be clever about this so Karl and Dick don't catch on... I'll lay it out for you in simple steps.
- Write a letter to Denny. It doesn't matter exactly what it says, but there's a secret code you have to use: "I find myself unable to discharge the powers and duties of my office." I don't know what it means either, George, but it doesn't matter, it's just a secret code to tell him you need his help, kinda like the Bat Beacon they use to call Batman! Put the letter in an envelope, and put Denny's name on the outside.
- Write the EXACT SAME letter, but this time, write it to Teddy. Put Teddy's name on the outside.
- This is complicated, but you can do it! Take both envelopes, and put them inside a BIGGER envelope, and on the outside of THAT envelope, write: CONGRESSIONAL POST OFFICE: SUPER DUPER SECRET!
- Ask one of your interns to take this super duper secret envelope to the Congressional post office.
- Soon, all your troubles will be behind you!