This is a personal diary, and is actually painful to write, but I feel I must. Certainly, not all of you had my experiences, but I feel as if this is deja vu all over again. I remember growing up in the 50's and 60's. Yes, I am female, too.
I started my first full-time job after graduation from high school in 1969, because I had 6 months before I started college and I'd wanted, and needed, to earn money. About two weeks after I started, I was typing away at my desk, and one of the senior (compared to me) guys came up to me and started massaging my shoulders. Then he leaned down and whispered in my ear, 'You're so cute, I could help you go far here.'
I was terrified. Frozen, literally. He leaned down to kiss my neck, and I jumped out of my seat and ran to the ladies room.
You see, I was one of those poor fools who'd been molested at age 10 by a 17 year old, (You're so pretty, I adore you, now show me what you have. Boring, I know. As someone with a modicum of intelligence, I blamed myself for being so stupid. )
I hid in the ladies room till I was sure he was gone. And then I went and told my (female) supervisor. She was not sympathetic. She was currently sleeping with the director, which is why she was a supervisor. Needless to say, I didn't do 'well' at that company.
I went to college, thinking I'd rise above all that. I met a guy I 'wanted', so went to get the pill so I'd have some freedom. My doctor told me I was a sinner, and since he had no time for sinners, I did not leave with even a prescription. (Remember here: those who use moral objections to even filling a prescription for the morning after pill.)
You guessed it. I got pregnant. Before abortion was legal in my state, there I was.
Do you know what it's like to be single, pregnant, and alone?
I won't tell you the sordid story, but I insisted on abortion.
Do any of you know what it's like to sit and tell yourself, I know the odds, I may very well die, but the alternative is worse?
Do any of you know what it's like to knowingly put your life in the hands of a simple moneygrubber, and take your chances?
You keep telling yourself, oh no, that won't happen again.
I'm sitting here, and it's deja vu all over again.