Last night, I had my heart broken.
Last night I learned that the most personal and private things are often the most deeply political.
Last night my mother-in-law, a woman I have loved and admired and given thanks for every day of the last 19 years, revoked the first amendment. She informed us that we may not, as she phrased it, "practice witchcraft" while we live under her roof.
Since the only kind of witchcraft we practice is Wicca, a religion as valid as any other, we have been told that we can't practice our faith while we live with her. We aren't Satanists. We don't murder small animals or children ( I do have a 5 year old niece who'd make a tasty sacrifice to Cthulhu, though she might give the poor monster serious indigestion; the spoiled brat certainly has that effect on me). We simply follow a heavily reconstructed version of traditional Celtic beliefs with strong ethical standards, a profound respect for the rights of others, and concern for the world we live in.
I could understand this if we hadn't discussed our faith with her frequently over the last two decades. She's asked me in-depth questions, and I have answered as honestly as I could. I've quoted Rede and the Charge of the Goddess to her. I have emphasized that we are not anti-Christian, but believe all Paths are One, and all Gods are One, so we actually worship the same creator, though our visions of that Deity are very different. But last night she refused to even discuss our belief system, answering that "my powers of persuasion" (I only wish they were half s powerful as she seems to think they are) would only confuse her, and there is only one true God and all others are false. When my husband asked her if she would place a similar ban on other non-Christians who were living under her roof--say, Muslims, Hindus or Buddhists--she wouldn't answer.
If we had some other place e to go, I would have packed my bags and left within the hour. But we don't. My husband's unemployment has run out, I have looked for a job for two years, and we're living on his Navy pension. We need to buy a car because ours died and the cost of fixing it is more than its blue book value, so we have to save for a down payment. on a replacement.
Mind you, we are paying rent and sharing the cost of utilities. We are buying our own food. We aren't mooching off her. We are, in a sense, boarders or housemates. But we learned that her tolerance doesn't extend to allowing us the most basic of human rights: to worship or not to worship a deity of our choice.
We don't know why this happened. We've performed rituals here in our bedroom in the past, with her blessing. I suspect she's started going to a particularly conservative, right-wing, intolerant Methodist church again (down here in Red State Georgia, Methodists churches have more in common with the Southern Baptist Convention, the Assembly of God or the Church of God, all extremely fundamentalist groups, than with the tolerant, moderate Methodism I am accustomed to in the North East--and the pastor at this particular church sounds a lot like Jerry Falwell), or read a book by some hellfire and brimstone preacher ranting about the evils of the OH-cult and falsely equating Wicca with classic worship-the-devil-and- sell-your-soul Satanism .
I really shouldn't be surprised. I live within an hour's driving distance of the three counties in Georgia which posted the Ten Commandments in the courthouse. When an anonymous donor gave one of those courthouses a triptych depicting the Golden Rule in many religions and philosophies, emphasizing the unity of belief rather than the differences, it was refused. The plaintiff in one of the lawsuits filed by the ACLU had to remain anonymous because a plaintiff in an earlier suit had had her home vandalized and received death threats. Bluntly, non-Christians don't fare well in this Red State, so I removed my bumper stickers and gave up wearing my pentacle for the duration. I didn't want the hassle of being refused service in stores and restaurants as has happened to Wiccans of my acquaintance.
If you haven't been a Non-Christian in this predominantly Christian nation, you don't have a true idea of what it's like to be subjected to slights every single day--offhand, disparaging remarks made by people who assume that since you are white and of European ancestry, you must be some flavor of Christian. Most of them are small and meaningless hurts, but some of the comments are cruel lies spread as truth--especially around Halloween, when all the nasty stereotypes are trotted out.
Down here it's worse than other places, because the Christian Right dominates the area so much that candidates quote their Christian Coalition in their TV ads. Much of the social life is church-centered. Even a job search begins by networking at church, putting out the word through fellow churchgoers that you are looking for a position. If you are poor and need a hot meal. You have to sit through a Bible reading and a prayer before you can eat. If you are homeless and need a bed, often the price of a place to sleep is sitting through another reading and prayer. Charity isn't freely given. It comes with the price tag of allowing them to proselytize.
This area is a pale picture of what many on the Religious Right want the country to become. There is much talk of hatred of Christians and of persecution of Christians. Even on kink lists I see people moaning about how Christian slaves aren't accepted by the bdsm community. I don't get it. They make up 80% of the population, though the Right doesn't view moderate and liberal Christians, let alone Catholics, as real Christians. They make up the vast majority of the Republican Party, which caters to them outrageously, almost as much as it caters to big corporations. Who in hell is persecuting them?
I finally figured it out. Persecution means not allowing them to repeal the first amendment clauses about freedom of religion--or to make them apply only to the right sort of Christians. They want to reinstate prayer--but only fundamentalist Protest ant prayer addressed to Our Heavenly Father and ending "in Jesus' name"--in the schools as well as readings from the King James Version of the Bible (no other need apply; THAT is the only accurate and Divinely Approved translation) and permitting the teachers to use their classrooms as a bully pulpit to preach to students. Of course, ONLY Christians would be allowed to teach in their vision of a Perfect World. They want evolution out of the science classroom and, creationism in. Comprehensive sex education dealing frankly and honestly with the facts about preventing pregnancy and the spread of STDs, including HIV, would be banned. Instead, they'd install abstinence only programs which even Bill Frist was forced to admit contain serious errors--and, more importantly, don't work to keep kids virgins till they marry. They want no-fault divorce gone, and some form of covenant marriage made the law (despite the fact that fundamentalists and evangelical and non-denominational churches--the most conservative--have the highest divorce rates). They want prayers at football games--but, again, only righteous fundamentalist Protestant ones--and an invocation and benediction at public high school graduations. Abortion would be banned, and probably Plan B and other hormonal forms of birth control (the ones that actually are the most effective), and perhaps availability of contraception would be limited to married women only (I have heard this said). They want gays to go back in the closet, lose all the basic human rights they've fought for, and never be allowed to have any form of legal partnership.
Freedom of religion, so long as we are discreet, would probably be allowed to some degree, except for the nuttier Christian Reconstructionists who want a Biblically based legal system, but they would prefer it if we didn't rub their noses in it by flaunting our Hands of Fatima, yin-yang symbols, pentacles, etc. And, deep down, many think that silly clause in the Constitution banning a religious test for public office needs to be repealed, because certainly the Founding Fathers, good Christians of the right sort, didn't expect this country to have so many liberal Christians and unbelievers..
This is what their Shining City on the Hill--a reference Ronnie Raygun lifted from the Puritans--would look like.
I have no desire to live there. But I am living in a small microcosm of it right now, unable to practice my faith or talk about it . And the fact that this was done to me by a woman I trusted and loved, considered a second mother, and respected deeply, makes the pain all the worse.
If we don't want my situation to become the norm, we need to fight back. The moderate and liberal Christians need to raise their voices and point out that the Religious Right does not speak for all Christians. Those of us who are already sliding into second class citizenship need to make our voices heard. Down here, it won't do any good--but the blue purple states are where we need to make it plain that we know the Founding Fathers meant the first amendment to apply to ALL , whatever faith they follow, whatever they believe or don't believe. That the whole point of the first amendment was to protect the rights of minority believers and non-believers from the tyranny of the majority. We are all in this together: atheists, non-Christians, liberal and moderate Christians alike. These people a re our Enemy, and we need to take them seriously.
I am not anti-Christian. I am fine with people saying "merry Christmas." When people sing Christmas carols, I sing alone enthusiastically, albeit rather offkey. I don't have a problem with a creche on public land so long as any other religion t hat wants to put up decorations is permitted to. A moment of silence is fine with me. I believe students have the right to wear their religious symbols to school and to discuss their religious beliefs in class. I d0on;'t much care for people waking me up early on Saturday mornings to harangue, but I can close the door in their face s and go back to bed without feeling a need to shoot them or take them to court.
Christianity has inspired some of the most sublime acts of sacrifice in history--and some of the most brutal. That's true of all religions, though the monotheists seem to have the edge when it comes to intolerance, since if you don't worship their god, you are going to hell and their faith demands that they attempt to save your soul. But right now, I am indulging myself in happy daydreams of fire bombing a certain Methodist church and stringing up a silver-pompadoured pastor with a double chin and self-righteous smirk and an unctuous voice (the kind that only sleazy preachers, con men, corrupt politicians and junk bond salesmen can master) by his heels. I have no intention of actually making this happen, because I take seriously the part of the Wiccan Rede that forbids me to do harm (defend yes, protect yes, but only with enough force to do the job) and, more importantly, because I practice the religious tolerance I preach. But right now it is a very lovely fantasy.
Still, I am going to have to make some hard choices about that to do over the upcoming holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner always begin with everyone holding hands while my mother-in-law says a prayer of thanks to Our Heavenly Father, end ending "in Jesus' name. Amen." Always before I have bowed my head and given the impression that I concur, out of respect for her faith. I don't think I can do that now.
People who want their faith respected need to respect that of others. And she has made it very clear that she does not respect mine.
I can't decide whether I will sit there without joining hands or bowing my head, or whether I will simply stay away from the table until grace is over or maybe not eat with them at all. What I DO know is that I can't pretend any longer. It has been made very clear that we are marginal members of this family, just as the Religious Reich wants to make everyone who disagrees with them marginal members of this society.
In the meantime, I have done something quietly subversive. I have set up a small altar with my Goddess statute, some candles, two candleholders that are in the form of the Lord of the Forest and the Lady of the Wild Things, a cup and a dagger. To the ignorant it will just look like a pretty display--but to us it is sacred space. And I intend to buy myself a new pentacle as soon as we can afford it, and I will wear it outside my shirt. And we have decided that as soon as we can afford it we will move out and probably boycott family functions. Once we leave the South we are never coming back, and no one will be welcome in our home who doesn't treat our religion with respect.
And once I am out of here, I will become very active in the fight for first amendment rights. I am sure the ACLU can use the services of a paralegal with an M.L.S. I will not allow this country to become a Shining City on a Hill--because that is my definition of hell. And I will never forget that the most personal things--sexuality, freedom of expression, freedom of religion, freedom to read--are also the most political, and that if we liberals don't fight to defend them, they will slip away.
Because the personal has been made political. But I suspect it always has been.