frontpaged at My Left Wing
Folks, I've got it! This has to be what Archimedes felt when he sat down in the bathtub or when Newton got bonked on the head with that apple! A moment of pure inspiration has just struck me.
We've totally misjudged Bill O'Reilly. He's just acting like this because he's under a lot of stress. I know why he's so determined to defend the honor of Christmas...I know why he's making a list...it's because that's what he knows how to do.
What do I mean? Well...
BILL O'REILLY IS SANTA CLAUS!!!!!!!
Think about it! What better cover for a jolly old elf than a liver-splotched, mean-spirited, sexually dysfunctional bully! I'm just so excited...this means Santa Claus really does exist! In fact I'm so thrilled that I wrote a little song in tribute...
I'm riffing off the
Jackson 5 version of this song. From one sexual pervert to another, I figure.
SANTA BILL IS COMING TO TOWN
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
Oh you better watch out
You better not mock
Or you'll make him pout
And play with his cock-*
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
He's makin' a list
He's made that plain
Gonna find out who's lib'rul and sane
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
He loofah's you when you're sleeping
Grabs your boobs when you're awake
He's gonna call you up on the phone
So let it ring for goodness sake!
Oh you better watch out
You better not mock
Or you'll make him pout
And play with his cock
Oh! Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
Big soft loofahs
And little fake dicks
Scrub, scrub, scrub
And buzz, buzz, buzz
Santa Bill is coming to town
Leave him a treat
That's better than waffle
Give 'im a paste that's called falafel
Santa Bill is coming to town
One more time now!
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to town
Santa Bill is coming to tooowwwwwwnnnnnn.........!!!!
THANK YOU, DK! GOODNIGHT! CUT MY FUCKING MIKE!!!!!!
*-This refers to his beloved cock shaped vibrator. But you try to fit that in, tough guy. I had enough trouble jacking "falafel" in there somehow.