The MVP of the Talent Team
Sometime after I got on the RNC mailing list (for entertainment), I ended up being the target of classic e-mails such as this e-mail from my Senator Jim Talent.
Talent, a person I'd only vote for if he were running against Kit Bond, is running against Claire McCaskill in 2006. But, he has a plan to try and pull out a win.
(zoom under the fold)
Talent's mail is in italics, my commentary is in the usual type.
"Dear Robert,
Here's an astonishing fact that you should keep in mind as we gear up to keep Missouri's Senate seat in 2006:"
(It's so astonishing that Jim Talent has to tell me about it in November 2005!)
"Nearly 1 out of every 6 dollars Claire McCaskill has raised for her U.S. Senate campaign came from John Kerry, George Soros and Chuck Schumer!"
The forces of darkness are clearly not working hard enough for the Democratic Party. I blame the DLC, they have the ear of The Devil, and he's not donating as much to the DNC.
Only 16.7%?
Good thing Jim's scared enough to return the donation he got from Jack Abramoff. I'm sure that's just the tip of the iceberg for where his money comes from.
"We know that these individuals are hardly familiar with the common sense, conservative values of Missouri."
If you keep saying something, eventually you'll think it's true.
I'm sure the rich guy giving you $500 a plate really knows about common sense Missouri Values.
"Their generosity to Claire McCaskill's campaign is a sure sign that she is going to be strongly supported by the same national liberals who outspent Jim Talent 2 to 1 in the last campaign."
The National Moderates may also give our money to Claire, but only in moderation. "Playing the part of Notorious Liberal in 2006, Claire McCaskill"
Granted, in Missouri, if you're to the left of the Republicans, you're automatically a liberal.
"That's the politics of the next election."
"Evil people are giving Claire money to beat a common sense Missourian from St. Louis County!"
"The good news is that Jim Talent shares our values and has been an effective voice for those values in the Senate. He is changing Washington on behalf of Missouri."
Ahahahahahaha.. Right Jim.. Right..
The Republicans only talk to you because they want you to not lose re-election.
Hopefully you don't mean "On Behalf of Missouri" in the sense of "I'll show those amateurs how Bob F. Griffin ran things"?
"Supreme Court: Sen. Talent is a strong supporter of nominees who have a consistent jurisprudence and will protect the Constitution."
That's bad news for nominees who are erratic and hate the Constitution. "Damn you Jim Talent! I wanted a man who would say the first amendment is Unconstitional!"
"Protecting the Pledge of Allegiance: Sen. Talent believes that the Pledge of Allegiance should remain legal, complete with the words "Under God," regardless of the actions of activist federal judges."
"And he will pose for you, the voter, in whatever way you wish!"
Jim, you obviously didn't consult with Governor Blunt.
The phrase is "Renegade Judges." They ride around the hills of Missouri making laws and gambling in Riverboats.
"Cutting Spending: To reduce wasteful Washington spending, Sen. Talent has introduced legislation that would give Presidents a line item veto so they can cut waste from Washington's budgets."
I guess that you all will have to pass the buck when it comes to reducing spending.
Granted, it's a veto.. so Bush would be unlikely to ever use it.
Then again Jim.. maybe you all could realize that your idea of slimming down Government is sorta like putting Government in small pants and pretending that will get it to lose weight.
"Missourians will have a clear choice when they go to the polls in November 2006: the failed liberal politics of John Kerry and George Soros and the common sense effectiveness of Jim Talent."
Correct me if i'm wrong..
first.. that statement doesn't seem to make sense, grammar-wise..
second.. will the Jimster be running on the slogan of "I'm not corrupt!"
third.. which exact failed liberal policies do you refer to?
"We think it's clear which choice Missourians will make."
Considering the fact that Bush just carried the state by 7 points and you can't get out of the MOE.. yeah.. I'm pretty sure that you can't take anything to the bank.
"But we need your help to make sure we can get our message out in the face of the McCaskill-Kerry-Soros-Schumer money machine."
Yes, those poor Republicans don't even have the money to run a direct mailing.. Matt Blunt had to pawn his daddy's pickup truck to run for Governor last year. Those poor Republicans are facing a money machine which they've outfundraised!
Bwaaaahahahahahahahaha
"Please visit this page to make a secure online contribution to Talent for Senate today!
Sincerely,
The Talent Team"
Do I get to author a piece of legislation for the Senator to support if I give him $1000?
In 2006, it would be embarassing for the GOP if veteran politician/lawyer Jim Talent couldn't get the money he needed.
Sure, Talent can't be blamed for Matt Blunt's idiotic first year as Governor, but he can be hurt by Bush's "popularity" in Missouri. (In November's SUSA poll, Bush has an approval rating of 38% and 60% disapprove of him)
But considering that Jim Talent is competing with John Hancock and Matt Blunt, he'll easily win "Most Logical Missouri Republican Messege of the Year."
If Jim Talent gives me any more amusing messeges, I'll post them here too. I await the day that that we hear Claire is up to 1/5th donations from Kerry, Soros, and Schumer.