From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
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C&J is closed today so that we might bring you the following...(in color!)
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ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY SPECTACULAR OF THE CHEERS AND JEERS ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY SPECTACULAR...WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!
Good morning. It's been two years since Cheers and Jeers first appeared in the pages of this alternative weekly Swap-n-Shop circular. In what has now become an annual tradition, Bill in Portland Maine conducts an exclusive interview with Koufax Award-winning artisan, craftsman and commentator Bill in Portland Maine from the library of the exclusive Portland Country Club.
It's nice to see you again. What's changed over the last year?
I've gained 15 pounds and George Bush has lost 15 points. A fair trade.
You were promoted to the front page last April. How has that changed you?
I have more deadbolt locks on my doors now. But apart from a growing arrogance and desire to distance myself from the little people, it hasn't changed me much at all.
But today you insisted on posting in the diaries. Why?
It's all about my roots, baby, it's all about my roots. I wanted to celebrate with my homies in the `hood. This is where I was born. This is where my future Cheers and Jeers library will be built. And at the risk of sounding sentimental, I want to be buried here.
What's the appeal of Cheers and Jeers? Despite your admitted arrogance, there's really a heart of gold in there somewhere.
If C&J was a videogame, it would be called "Sim DailyKos." It's where the rubber of politics meets the road of real life. It's where People celebrate births, weddings and engagements. We mourn deaths and bitch when we get sick. We talk about our pets. Jobs we snag and jobs we lose and jobs we're hoping we get. People leave benchmarks for how long they've been sober or smoke-free. White Trash Poet is a great example of sobriety...he's been dry for almost a year and he updates us all the time. We talk about sports and computer problems. Work jerks. People draw attention to smaller advocacy groups that are doing positive things for our side that we might otherwise miss. The weather...always the weather. And running through it all is the thread of politics and how it hovers over everything we do...and everything we are.
You've had a lot of first-time posters recently.
Yeah, what's up with that? Two days ago someone posted their first C&J after lurking for 18 months! What the fuck?? So if there are any other lurkers out there...jump in! Cheers and Jeers is cathartic. Bang those keys and let it out.
There was some controversy last February when you won your `Best Series' Koufax---the Academy Award of blogs. There were apparently multiple votes from duplicate sources, so it was decided you would share the award with Orcinus. How did that that settle with you?
Well, I have no hard feelings. Orkinman has a great blog that makes a valuable contribution to public discourse and I hear they do wonders with termite infestations. Very smart and talented researchers and writers. And if they felt the need to cheat, I'm sure there was a reason. But it reflects badly on them. It's not nice to rob people of what's mine. They're dirt. Even worse...they're on notice.
Another rum and Coke?
Yeah, thanks. And by the way, I know this isn't the Portland Country Club. You just hung some gold drapes in your mom's basement. I can hear her ripping open Milky Way wrappers upstairs.
Moving right along, what's your favorite C&J story of the past year?
The birth of PlaneCrazy's son, Nathaniel. That was really something. Their one and only chance to have a baby and they were told there was a 90% chance he would die, or at best have deformities and severe lung problems. But they're all doing great and Nate's growing like a weed. Six months old and he's interning for Ted Kennedy. That's the best "Cheers!" I gave all year.
C&J has been called "an insane mojo rave."
Yes it has. We do love our 4s.
But aren't you afraid that you're overdoing it a bit?
I have yet to hear how giving someone a 4---especially someone who's a trusted user already---hurts the site or encourages trolls. To me, a 4 in C&J basically means "Thanks" or "Funny!" or "You have cheered and jeered nobly, Master QuiGon." Sometimes people get a lot of 4s for posting really sad news, like the death of a relative. But that's a way of saying we're here for you and we're thinking of you. So mojo-rave on, I say. Why not?
What do you say to the nattering nabobs of negativism who suggest Cheers and Jeers doesn't belong on a serious issues site like DailyKos?
Pull my finger.
What's your relationship with Markos?
Complex. Complex and challenging. We'll bounce ideas off each other until 3 in the morning if you let us. But no one lets us so we never do. But the point is...we've never spoken and my Christmas card came back unopened. If our paths cross at the Kos convention there's gonna be words.
You've never spoken?
Nah. Honestly, I don't want to get tagged as a Berkeley liberal. I'd have to get elbow patches on all my shirts and smoke pot all day. And I really don't like elbow patches.
Let's talk about the YearlyKos convention. Are you going?
Good Lord willing and the crick don't rise, yes. More than anything I'm anxious to see if we can stand each other in person. But I'm all for it. And I give Gina and the Board of Directors and everyone helping out a round of applause for taking over. When Pastor Dan abandoned us it was tough. Really, really tough. Grandmother-on-ice-floe tough. His defection led to the pie fights and the atheist wars and the purge of the hippies and the feminists...
Dark times.
We call it the Pastor's Inquisition. I understand he runs a horse-betting operation now and lost all his hair. His poor wife.
So what do you hope to get out of the convention?
I want to meet everyone. I want to learn more about what makes blogs and bloggers tick. I want to learn more about framing. I wouldn't mind hearing from politicians and advocates and media types I respect. I just want to connect in person, because right now I only know most people as pixels.
How do you get along with the other front pagers?
I'm sorry. There's C&J and there's open threads. Right?
Hunter...Armando...Plutonium Page...DavidNYC?
Oh, gosh. You're kind of going off the pre-approved questions now. Let me do some...what we call blogging...and I'll email you a statement on that.
[Note: We received no follow-up from Mr. BiPM by press time. -Ed.]
I understand you do impressions of other bloggers. Can you do, say, Atrios?
Oh, yes, I've practiced this one! A typical day in Eschatonville: Open thread, open thread, open thread, "Heh," open thread, open thread, "Wanker", open thread, "Heh indeedy," open thread, open thread, "Bobo strikes again"...Boobies!
Got any dirt on other bloggers
I was going to break this in a separate diary, but... Y'know John Aravosis at Americablog? His Friday "orchid blogging" is really just a bunch of photoshopped carnations. And to think I once gave him money.
Okay, what's your most embarrassing moment of the past year?
The first day I posted on the front page, I included a code which I'd been using in the diaries to control the margins. I pressed "submit" and immediately went to lunch. For several minutes, the Daily Kos front page was, like, half an inch wide because of me, and I came back from lunch to find a terse email from Kos. All I can say is I was glad I took the precaution of wearing a diaper that day. But he forgave me as soon as my "penalty check" cashed.
Another rum and Coke?
Yeah, thanks. Whaddya say you fill it up this time...
A lot has happened on the political front in the past year, most notably the implosion of the Republican juggernaut. Did you think things would fall apart that fast?
Of course! It was a foregone conclusion going back to 2000. I mean, I don't think it's completely sunk in yet to most people that our president---our president!---is George W. Bush. An utter, total failure his entire life. Propped up by his dad's money and connections. Had to resort to insider trading to make his fortune. Failed governor. Never traveled. Doesn't read newspapers except the sports section. Mangles the English language. Pre-screens his audiences. Has viciously campaigned against the poor, the middle class, kids, seniors, the environment, science, equality, our fiscal solvency and certainly our military. He's such a pussy he had to stick Helen Thomas in the back row at press conferences so she wouldn't ask him a hard question. Never vetoed a single bill. And he gives a big thumbs-up to torture.
He'll be viewed as a terrible president...above Harding and Buchanan and Pierce, but certainly below Fillmore and Coolidge and even the Harrison boys. And I predict that his approval will be solidly in the twenties---across the board---within the next 8 months.
That's a pretty bold assertion.
Why? We're out of money. Our military's at its wits' end but he won't pull them out. We'll never forgive him for Katrina. People know from his Social Security and Medicare schemes that he wants to screw us. He just got $100 billion in new tax cuts for the rich passed. He'd run over an old lady to get to a drop of oil. They know he doesn't care. This is silly. I mean, I'm waiting for the day when he gives a press conference wearing a suit with corporate sponsorship logos all over it---oil companies and Pfizer and Merck and Monsanto and RJR-Nabisco and Halliburton and Wal-Mart---like those NASCAR guys wear. He might as well just do it, because he's not fooling anyone anymore.
You wrote a diary in June that got 626 recommends, called...
You mean "I'm A Male Escort And I'll Rock Your World At 25% Off This Weekend?" I was on my back for 48 hours straight. We bought a new set of tires for our '92 Honda with the money. And I got a free press pass to the White House.
Actually I was thinking of the diary called How Wrong Can You Idiots Be?
Oh, yeah. I was a little pissed when the Terri Schiavo autopsy results came back and obliterated every claim the `knuckledragger wing' of the Republican Party made about her. I mean, she was not following that balloon with her eyes---she was blind! That was the last straw for me. That's when I realized we'd be better off as a nation with no leadership at all than these idiots. I would rather have a can of Del Monte peaches sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office. If Del Monte peaches were president, we wouldn't have invaded Iraq and we'd have a budget surplus. And no vitamin C shortage.
But what about Bush's idealism and boldness?
Bush isn't an idealist. He's an idealost.
How do we get out of Iraq gracefully?
We dress up in our Sunday finery and we march out whistling the tune from Bridge on the River Kwai. That's how we get out---on planes, trains and automobiles and Humvees, up-armored or otherwise.
But won't Iraq descend into chaos?
Donald Trump was on Imus in the Morning week before last, and he was talking about a friend who had just come back from Iraq after trying to explore some business opportunities. His friend said he's convinced that, no matter when we leave---whether it's tomorrow or ten years from now, doesn't matter---Iraq will descend into chaos. I believe that, and I believe we should set a bar for June 1st. The day after Bush's impeachment. That's when we leave. And if Iraq can't get its shit together by then, then they're the biggest embarrassment on the planet. Well, if you don't count the patch of dirt under Bill O'Reilly's house. Think that'll get me on his enemies list? Dear God, please put me on your list, Bill! Please!
I notice in C&J that whenever someone has a birthday you always write "Many blessings on your camels."
Well, I figure that not everyone has a dog or a cat to bless. But who doesn't have a camel?
What are your predictions for the coming year?
I was right on so many things last year, especially our manned mission to Mars. I was bawling when they touched down. But the coming year? Democrats take the House, baby! DeLay goes down. Abramoff goes down and takes a baker's dozen of Republican congressmen with him. Rove gets indicted. And C&J will not only appear on the front page...it will actually appear up on the masthead. Or as I like to call it, the skybox.
Before we go...can you give us a cheer or jeer on the spot?
Cheers to the wisdom of youth. Ann Coulter got booed off the stage Wednesday by students at the University of Connecticut, and then proceeded to call her audience "stupider" than she was. We'll see just how stupid when she tries to cash her check.
One final question. Are you `Curveball?'
Yes. I've been meaning to do a diary about that.