See You Then

Hey Mark, it's me.
I'm just calling to let you know
that I won't be at your party this Friday.
It's the big audition,
and I've gotta be up by 5 the next morning.
And of course, I'm sure you understand,
and everything,
How important this is to me.
And you know how much I love your parties.
But other than that,
I just hope you have a great time and I'll
catch you later.

Hi Mom,
Well, we made it
Thousands of miles and hours of jet lag
sure do nothing for this bad back.
Still, we're managing to get by.
And get this -
The first night in, Jamie
fumbled our laptops and the concierge
mumbled something about those "stupid
Americans." I heard him, I laughed like a clown, and
I dumped my latte all over their quaint little ivory carpet.
We walked the other way. Call it karma.
On Tuesday, we somehow managed to
sneak in a little break and hit the town.
For about an hour.
You wouldn't believe how cold it gets here after sundown.
Well, I hate to cut this short but unfortunately,
I gotta run now.
Please wish Grandma well for me, take care of that cold you
mentioned before, and I hope you had
A Great Birthday.
Love ya.

Dear Janet,
I'm so truly sorry that I was not
able to make it to Johnny's christening earlier
this year.
Not surprisingly,
We've been constantly swarmed here in the office,
and things are likewise crazy back at the house.
Always something to do, someplace to go, and of course
Deadlines, diapers, and bills.
I do miss you though and I think of you often.
I always recall that time back out at the lake when we outsmarted
the copperhead, and the time when
your brother put the sardine in the oatmeal cookie batter, and
"Something sure tastes fishy..."
It always brings back the smiles and memories.
Where does all the time go?
Ah, well, here's something worth looking forward to,
It looks as though
a promotion might not be too far off,
so let's keep our fingers crossed.
I know I'm counting my blessings here and I'm also wishing the best for both you
and your family.
Hope to see you at Thanksgiving,
Sincerely.

Hi Sam,
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond
to all of your emails.
Now, about those questions you were asking,
first of all, you don't have much to worry about.
It's be a very competitive field, with all the
politics and late hours,
And let's just say that I know firsthand -
It's no easier at the top than it was just starting out.
I'm not getting any younger either.
But you've got all the potential and I think you'll go far with it.
So keep that chin up.
Also, about that river picnic you mentioned,
it sounds like a fantastic idea. But,
unfortunately, we won't be there,
due to prior scheduling conflicts.
Maybe next year,
Thanks much.

Well Sally, wasn't that just the
craziest funeral you've ever seen.
Whose idea was it to suspend those dreadful black orchids
over the casket and to arrange the seats
like some sort of stupid giant horseshoe?
I almost had a heart attack.
Now, I just can't believe she's gone.
I keep thinking about how she always used to bug me.
"Darlin, Live a little."
If I had a dime for every time she said it...
But then I'd say
"Someone's gotta get the job done,"
And she'd just shake her head and grin.
Why was she missing her front teeth anyway?
I guess it's always those little things, the quirks
that leave the lasting impressions.
I'm really gonna miss her.
I so much wish I could have
stayed a little longer,
but we all know what happened the last time I missed a flight.
Tell the family I'm sorry if anyone asks.
Well Sally,
I don't mean to be so brief,
but I've got a roast in the oven
and a million forms to review
for that meeting tomorrow morning.
So I guess I'll talk to you later this week.
See you then.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A few days ago, a passage in a diary caught my eye and struck me as bitterly relevant to the problem I'm hinting at here.  In Crashing the Sphere, Stirling Newberry writes:

In our time there has grown up a system which extracts value, and then proceeds[] to concentrate it, not just in the hands of people, but in structures that force people to support the very system which gives them less back than they put in. This observation was made by Machiavelli, Jefferson, Marx and Dewey. It is an old truth that the public needs to be constantly reminded of. Structures grow up because they[] work, and become corrupt precisely because there are, for a time, no good alternatives. At the point where there are choices again, the Jeffersonian right of revolution comes back into play - it is the right of the people to alter or abolish arrangements which are destructive to the ends of life, liberty and happiness.

This brings me to the question.

Is it time to seriously reexamine America's overwork ethic?

From an outside context, it's difficult to imagine that anyone could foresee that the "good life" would consist of almost 20 years of schooling, tens of thousands of dollars of debt, a lifetime of 80-hour workweeks, and a basketful of prayer-cards from funerals of friends and relatives who passed away unnoticed while we were consumed with getting ahead of them and their families.  Men squander their youth in cubicles and airports scrambling for the top, only to find it's nothing but crow's feet, cholesterol counts, erectile dysfunction, and an 18-year old escape valve.  Women, facing the glass ceiling and "No Entry" signs on old boys' networks, work doubly as hard for the same dismal twilight decades.  

While at first glance it might seem that wealth and material power are the golden carrots driving the American overwork ethic, instead signs are suggesting that a more ephemeral concept serves as incentive: The Satisfaction of Success.  And what is success?  An accumulation of insignia that has no meaning aside from what other people are willing to assign it.  An idea whose definition lies in the very hands of us, the people who inhabit this country and likewise give meaning to celebrity, justice, beauty, and prestige.  If we can define it, then surely we can redefine it.  

This Holiday season, as many of us enjoy time away from the office and see families who we think of less often than we think of refilling the coffee pot, I hope we might take a moment to acknowledge and appreciate the more relaxed pace of day and wonder why it must be axiomatic in American culture that such days are viewed as errant and even indulgent.  Utopia might be a long way off, but change is never impossible and always starts somewhere.  I hope that following anticipated Democratic victories in 2006 and beyond, that we are able to reshape the culture and restructure regulations (such as the rampantly violated 80-hour work-week cap on resident physicians) to genuinely encourage an American ethos of quality over quantity.  

I'd welcome any input.  Thank you for reading.

•  Obligatory Jar

  Hey, why not.

  by BPK on Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 12:31:53 PM PDT

•  my success

  is not counted in dollars.  My time with my kids and with the kids I volunteer time with at my local soccer league is worth all the gold in the world.  There's plenty of food on the table, most of it healthy, but never enough in the bank for the "wish list"...

  I was laid off from a fairly decent paying gig in the entertainment biz last fall and most of this year was spent in low paying physical jobs although I knew in the back of my head that my back was a ticking time bomb. Rushing through last Tuesday morning it went and went good.  So I'm out on Workman's comp for a while to heal .and have some other work plans after that I'm finalizing..and instead of working 60 hours this week and next, I'm looking forward to my 13 yr. old daughter flying in from LA this week (her episode of Ghost Whisperer airs Jan. 6) and my stepson being home from college and my little one out of school next week....that's my payoff and holiday present.

  by route66 on Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 12:45:11 PM PDT

  •  You are a good example

    It sounds like you have your priorities straight and realize what matters in life.  I'm sorry to hear about the difficult year you've had.  Thanks for writing.

    by BPK on Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 12:50:05 PM PDT

•  Interesting, but

  Americans don't overwork in a vacuum......I know that many two income families don't feel they spend enough time with family, yet are barely making ends meet.  I think the cost of what we were raised to think we should have has changed.

  My two siblings and I were raised on a Navy officer's salary in the 60s and 70s.  We rarely lived on base and, eventually, owned our house in a DC suburb.  My mom didn't work.  We were very comfortable.  I believe a Navy officer's salary in the 1970s was somewhere in the low to mid 30K.

  I used to think that we live in such a material society that two incomes are necessary where one was sufficient, but I don't think that now.

  The American dream hasn't changed, just the cost of it.  The house we bought in 1971 for $39.5K sold in 1977 for $89.5K and now is listed for around $850K.  Housing prices in the city I live in now are so outrageous ($1mill for a three bedroom in a decent neighborhood), you have to be rich or foolish to buy.

  What really amazes me is that Americans put up with it.  I think they do because the largest segment of the population, the baby boomers, are the ones who have benefitted from the "boom" in housing prices.  Damn them. ;-).

  by ksh01 on Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 12:51:05 PM PDT

  •  Yes

    What really amazes me is that Americans put up with it.

    This denial and apathy lies directly at the heart of the problem.  Thanks for writing.  

    by BPK on Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 02:28:35 PM PDT

•  didn't you post

  this diary yesterday?  

  by Cedwyn on Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 02:29:10 PM PDT

  •  No

    I posted it earlier today.
    I'm fairly new at diarying with techniques like polls/links and my roomate and I have been experiencing network troubles here.  In the process of updating it, the diary was lost.  I reposted it.

    by BPK on Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 02:31:34 PM PDT

•  Not only are Americans overworked, they are

  fed a daily diet of fear.  

  Do more, give more, be afraid more.  We always have an newer, direr enemy we simply must defeat.

  Meanwhile, the world is passing us by.  In enjoyment, in appreciation of the smell of roses, in education, ad nauseum.

  What a shame.

  by xyz on Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 02:33:38 PM PDT

•  Reminds me of this song

  
  Cat's in The Cradle-by Harry Chapin
  (Verse 1)
  My child arrived just the other day,
  He came to the world in the usual way.
  But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay,
  He learned to walk while I was away.
  And he was talkin fore I knew it, and as he grew,
  Hed say Im gonna be like you, yeh,
  I know Im gonna be like you.

  (Chorus)
  And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon,
  Little Boy Blue and The Man In The Moon.
  When ya comin home Dad?
  I dont know when, well get together then, son,
  ya know well have a good time then.

  snip...

  (Verse 4)
  Well Ive long since retired, my sons moved away,
  I called him up just the other day.
  I said Id like to see you, if you dont mind.
  He said Id love to Dad, if I can find the time.
  You see my new jobs a hassle and the kids have the flu,
  But its sure nice talking to you Dad,
  Its been sure nice talking to you.
  And as he hung up the phone it occurred to me,
  Hed grown up just like, my boy, was just like me.

  Read all the lyrics here.

  It's all about balancing work with the other things that are important to you. On that note, I'm off to put some tracks in the snow...

  by elkhunter on Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 02:59:08 PM PDT